Unwanted
by LadyInfam0us
Summary: Bella Swan is unpopular. And her senior year is starting tomorrow. She has hopes of fitting in this year. She has hoped of befriending the first new kid she meets. What happens when the new kid is Edward Cullen? A rich, handsome, athletic guy who's used to having it all? How in the world could there lives ever connect? Especially connect in a way that they wont ever forget? (AU)
1. Chapter 1

Tomorrow was the day, it was the first day of school and oh how i dreaded it. It wasnt the stinky yellow bus, it wasnt the nasty cafeteria food, it was the fact that i didnt belong. I was a senior at Forks High School. I was 17 and i had never been kissed. I didnt belong anywhere in this world.

I have never had it easy. I was raised on a policemans salary, until my father got kicked out of the force. And now we live on just what my mother makes down at the grocery store. Not that i see much of her. My father spent most of his time on the couch, drinking his favorite kind of beer. I tried to hide from him as often as i could. My family and i never see eye to eye.

I had always been different. I wasnt like the other girls my age. I never was all gushy over the boys. I preferred to read instead of party. I was a little socially awkward, but i was nice when you got to know me. Though no one ever did.

I have lived in Forks, Washington my whole life. It used to be a wonderful place. All green and soft from the constant rains. Now it was my own personal nightmare. When i was a child i think i was happy. I had toys and some of the kids let me play with them. But that all changes when you grow up. People expect different things from you when your older.

My family was happy too. My mom and dad were madly in love. I was proud of the amazing work at the station he did. I thought his cruiser lights were fascinating as i grew up. But all good things come to an end. My father messed up on a case and they fired him. It didnt matter that he had twenty years on the force, they sent him packing.

After that it only got worse. My father started drinking heavily, my mother avoided him. In doing so, she started to avoid me too. I wondered all the time why my mother didnt just pack up and leave. She was a beautiful woman and she could make her life elsewhere. My father and i were without any hope, or so i thought.

Life went on. I started to grow up, started to learn what growing up even means. I always tried to be nice and polite but that never got me anywhere. The other kids were mean, they resented the way i acted. They wanted someone just like them, cruel. I couldnt be that way. So i ended up with barely any friends. It only got worse from there.

Because theres a living nightmare, and its called High School. I think that High School should just not exist at all. I couldnt imagine a place more evil and twisted. All the girls were nothing but snakes. It was almost like a zoo. You had the jocks who were nothing but souped up gorillas. The teachers were scared zebras. And here i was, a bunny rabbit in the very middle. I didnt fit in, if you hadnt noticed.

I tried my best. Bought designer clothes with the money i earned over the summer. Dyed and cut my hair to match the celebrities on tv. Nothing ever seemed to work. Maybe it had something to do with my weight. I'v always been a heavy kid. Due to most of my meals being processed foods and not having anyone to play with didnt really help. I also was from a poor family. People didnt want to be friends with a poor kid. I didnt have a fancy pool or a brand new car on my 16th birthday. I was normal. I was average. Or so i thought.

I tried my hardest to fit in, but after awhile i realized it was pointless. Nothing i did ever seemed to matter. While other girls my age were at the mall buying shoes, i was sitting at home watching the television. I didnt get any calls, receive no mail, i was literally and utterly alone.

But i dreamed. I dreamed of bigger and better things. I dreamed of being accepted and wanted. I hoped that one day i would fit in. That boys would notice me and that i would have a place in Forks. I hoped that with all my heart.

It was a new year and that opened up many new possibilities. Forks High School was small but there were bound to be some new faces. There were bound to be somebody there that would like a new friend. I was not weird or anything, it just seemed like nobody liked me. But this was a new year, it could mean a new beginning.

This was my last year before i moved away. I had my eyes on a writing program up in Tucson. That was what i had planned to do for a long time. I got good enough grades but the money was going to be a problem. My father wouldnt give me a dime to go to some dorky writing school. He said i needed to focus on something worthwhile. I didnt say a word back and just went to my room.

Nobody believed in me. Nobody believed that i could be much more than what i was. I was Bella Swan, i was someone special. Even if it was only to myself. I pulled my pants up and dealt with everything the best i could. I was a strong girl. I didnt know where i got it from because it certainly wasnt my father.

I was sitting in my room looking out my window. I could see the trees glowing from the backyard. I ran my fingers through my hair in exasperation. I was nervous. I had everything laid out for tomorrow. I had my book bag and everything i would need. Alls i needed now was my courage.

I hated the first day. All the kids who knew each other were friendly and sociable. I just walked around by myself. All the people would know where to go and who to go to. I would just be wandering around like a lost puppy. I wish i was just a new student than i would have an excuse. New students were not expected to know anyone. I had lived here all my life and barely knew anyone.

I wished i was different. But nothing can change who we are. I would just have to do the best i could do. I heard my father call my name. I jumped off the bed and went to see what he wanted. He was sitting in the living room. A beer already in his hand.

"What are you making for supper?" he demanded. I guessed correctly that my mother wasnt back yet. She was hardly ever around.

"I can make spaghetti?" i asked, he didnt say a word. He just turned his attention back to the tv. I took that as he was okay with spaghetti. I put a pot on to boil and tried to keep my mind occupied. When the food was done i made him a plate and took it to him. He took it from me without a thanks. I didnt need one anyway.

I made myself a plate and ate silently. We never had family dinners like normal people. My mother was never around. My father was always drunk by 7 o'clock. I was the only one in this family who was normal. But to everyone else, i wasnt.

I put my plate in the sink and went upstairs. I was going to get in an early night. I wanted to be up early for tomorrow. I needed to think of a new strategy. I would find the first new kid i seen and just go up and introduce myself. I could show them around and become friends. That way i wouldnt be so lonely anymore.

All i wanted was just one friend. Not a talk for hours kinda friend, more a school friend. Someone who could sit with me at lunch and just talk about homework. I doubted anyone would want to come over to my house. I doubted anyone would want to meet my family. I just needed someone to help escape this house.

I could go over to there house and spend the day in a normal household. I could spend the night and we could share stories. I could open up and tell them my dreams and they do the same. I wanted a best friend more than anything. Someone who was there for me when i was down. I hadnt had someone like that ever in my life.

I got into my jammies and hopped into bed. I was not looking forward to this day but i had to do it. If i ever wanted to be an editor, this was my last year before i could. I had to make it through this. It couldnt be all bad. Last year was a bust, and the year before that. But things have to change sometime, right? I hoped so.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift off into sleep. My restless thoughts kept bouncing around in my head. I didnt want to change myself for anyone but thoughts always came into my head. Maybe if i was funny people would like me. Maybe if i had money, people would like me. Maybe if i was thin and beautiful, people would like me. But isnt that wrong? Werent people supposed to like you for who you truly were? Rather than something superficial like your looks and clothes?

I finally managed to drift off into sleep. Never knowing that tomorrow i would meet the definition of vain. That i would meet someone who had it all, looks, money, you name it. This boy went by the name Edward Cullen. Edward was everything that i despised. But that was after i was struck by his beautiful face. Edward Cullen was the definition of hot. Edward Cullen was the new kid.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up tired. I had went to bed early but i still felt drained. I shrugged off my blanket and went to get dressed. They always say that first impressions are everything. I chose a simple dressy shirt and dark jeans. It had taken almost all of my summer money to buy new clothes. I hoped that it was worth it.

I went downstairs to eat my breakfast. My parents were both no where to be seen. That was fine with me. It was usually this way anyway. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and tried to prepare myself for today. I just needed to be cool. Act suave. Everything would work itself out. I hoped that people would actually notice me this year. Last year it was if i had never existed.

I put my bowl in the sink and slung my backpack over my arm. The bus would be coming any minute now. I walked out the front door and into the misty morning. The bus usually came right down by the corner. I could see a group of kids already waiting. I walked slowly over to meet them.

Most of them were kids i didnt even know. A girl from my grade avoided my eyes. Her name was Jessica and she had never even spoke a single word to me. I stood away from the group and waited for the bus. It didnt take long before it came up over the hill. I was last to board, the seats were pretty limited. Forks High had so little students that we didnt have too many buses. I chose the only seat open that was at the front.

I heard everyone speaking behind me. The soft voices of the freshman, the loud giggles of the senior girls, the deep tones of the older boys. I was the only one who was sitting alone. It had been the same last year. I tried not to let this get me down. Things were bound to change this year, i could feel it. The bus ride went by slowly.

When at last we pulled up to the school i was the first one off. I headed for the commons where everyone waited til the doors opened. There was a tree that i liked to sit at. Nobody bothered me over there. It had taken me a few years to learn that. I headed straight for my favorite spot. I sat down in the grass and watched all the students around me.

All of them were in groups. I could see the cheerleaders over to the right, the jocks behind the cheerleaders, the geeks near the science lab. They were all with friends. I appeared to be the only one alone. I felt deja vu coming on from last year. I had been sitting here every day since i found it. But i still had the whole day to make an impression on someone.

I looked at my watch, it was only 7:20. The doors didnt open til 7:45. I had some time to kill. I looked at all the faces around me and pretended i knew what they were saying. A pretty blonde cheerleader was yapping to her red headed friend. She'd say, _Oh my god do you see Chad? Isnt his biceps bigger than last year?_ Her friend would say, _Oh yes arent they just delish?_ And it would go on and on and on. How could that be entertainment? Why would you share stories like that? Why not share things that matter, not how big Chad's arms were.

I turned my eyes from the cheerleaders and focused on the geeks in the corner. A guy with thick glasses was eagerly speaking to his friend who was short. He'd say, _The level on my character has a cap of 34._ His friend would say, _My warlock could still take you down at any moment!_ To which they'd fight until the bell rang.

I didnt fit in anywhere here. I didnt understand how all these people could congregate but yet not have anything worthwhile to say. I had imagined the conversations between the people but i bet thats what they would say. I wished i could just imitate what they do but i couldnt. I was who i was and i would never change.

I sat in the grass and just looked around. I noticed nobody that i hadnt seen last year. Was there no new kids at all? It seemed like everyone was evolving but me. I was stuck to sitting in the dirt while others were busy chit chatting about anything and everything. It has been a few years and i still havent figured out how they do it so effortlessly. It amazed me just to watch them.

A pretty thin girl just flipped her hair with her hand. I noticed some boys watching her. What did she have that i didnt? Okay so her parents made alot of money, her hair was perfect, and her body looked like a gymnasts. Is that all boys ever looked at? Did the inside matter little? Surely a beautiful soul was better than a beautiful smile.

It was almost time for the bell. I sat up and brushed the dirt off my pants. I needed to check the message board to see what my homeroom was. But i didnt want to go and push through all the kids already surrounding it. I would wait til the bell rang and then look. I paced on each foot waiting for it to ring. Thats when i heard the roar of an engine.

A red Mustang was pulling itself into the parking lot. Its engine catching the attention of mostly everyone. Who had enough money for a car like that? Many boys i could see from here were getting all googly eyed over it. It was a pretty car but what did it matter. A popular jock would get out of it and then they'd all return to there normal conversations.

I watched as a tall lean figure got out of the drivers side. His auburn hair gleaming in the sun. I could see his taut muscles from here. That man definitely worked out! He slammed the door shut and walked towards the school. I could see some girls going all wide eyed and i soon figured out why. This man was beautiful. He had to be at least 18.

He was coming closer and closer. His eyes not even once looking at anyone else. He seemed calm, collected, certain. He seemed like the person who always knew what to do. I was nervous to discover that his face was one i didnt recognize. Forks High School was small, so it was almost a guarantee that i knew every face. I knew that i hadnt ever seen this guy before. He was definitely new.

I remembered my plan of befriending a new kid. I felt my hopes plummet in my chest. How could this guy ever be my friend? He looked like he just walked off the front page of a magazine. He would definitely be a part of the cool crowd. I had no hopes of being friends with the new kid.

The bell rang, the new kid checked the board and went in. I tried to walk calmly toward the message board. I ran my finger down the list until i hit my name. I was in building 3. I followed the pathway towards building 3. The new kids face still rattled my brain. Yes i had been around good looking people before, but never one like that. They just didnt make them like that around here. He looked different then the rest of us. So perfect and pristine. Like he was a person not of this planet.

I had absolutely no chance being his friend or even being anything more. But hey, a girl could dream. In another world far far away, Bella Swan goes on a date with hot new guy. They fall in love and have millions of babies. _Yeah right, i thought_. Things like that didnt happen for plain old me. But i still fancied the idea. That guy was too hot for me to handle. I wouldnt even know what to say to him.

When i finally made it to building 3 i took a deep breath and opened the door. I could hear talking in the room. I hung my jacket up and went to find an empty seat. A good empty one was near the back. I sat down and tried to appear cool. Somehow i think i failed.

People were chatting and looking around. Trying to see who was in their homeroom. A few eyes went to mine but turned away just as quickly. I tried not to be saddened by this. Most of these people knew me from grade school. They would know how big a loser i was. I was hoping that maybe they would have forgotten me so that now i could be who i wanted to be. I was sad to see that this was not the case.

I twiddled a pencil with my fingers and waited for the teacher. When he appeared he quieted the class. He called out roll call. Everything went normal until he got to one name.

"Edward Cullen."

No answer.

"No Edward Cullen i suppose." said the teacher marking something on the sheet of paper. He had enough time to call two more names before the door to the building opened. The handsome hot guy was standing there. He didnt even look out of breath. The teacher raised an eyebrow, "Edward?"

"Yes" he says and i almost die. His voice is a voice i could listen too forever. Where did they make this man? Heaven?

The teacher motions for Edward to sit. He sits near the front and i see girls just fawning over him. Polly, a girl who is nothing but so sweet your teeth hurt, leaned over to him and began talking to him. I tried to suppress my jealousy.

Edward? Who named their kid Edward at this day and age? Edward seemed like a name best suited for my grand pappy, not that sexy goddess over there. Maybe his parents were just old fashioned. I could tell by his clothes that he came from wealth. Wealth and good looks, boy was he lucky. Why couldnt i ever catch a break?

I heard Edward laugh at something Polly said and that was it for me. The dude was perfect. His face, his voice, his laughter. He seemed like a god sent from the heavens. All my hopes went flying out the window. Edward would never be a friend to me. He was too perfect for the likes of me. I would have to hope there was some other new kid around here somewhere. Thought that didnt seem likely.

The teacher came around with our schedules. I took mine and thanked him.

I had English, Bio, Calculus, Art, Music, Social Studies, and Study Hall. Well it could be worse. I made it through homeroom without anything exciting happening. Mostly everyone was too busy engaging there buddies to notice me. I sat in the back and tried to appear normal. Even though i was the only one not talking. Nobody had even said hello. Maybe i had the plague and didnt know it.

The bell rang and i stood up and made my way to the door. I slipped my jacket off and turned to the door. Edward was in my way. His green eyes looked into mine for only a second and then he turned away. I could tell everything from that one look. He had brushed me aside like i wasnt even there. I could tell from his eyes that he wasnt even interested in me to know my name. His eyes said to stay away, your not good enough. I watched him walk out into the daylight.

Well, that was all i needed to know. Edward didnt want anything to do with me period. I had seen that myself. I would have to hope that somewhere else there was a new kid to be my friend or else this year would be the same as the last. Great, just great. The only new kid we got just had to be the hottest thing to ever walk the planet. And not only is he hot in every way, he also thinks im not even worth saying hello too. This day could not get any worse.

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 **Authors note: Let me know if you guys would like to read more. Im not sure how i feel about this just yet. Thanks so much for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

I made it through the first few classes with no incident. I stuck to myself and just enjoyed the solitude i got. I seen many faces that i knew but no one said hello. I dreaded lunch time more then anything. Everyone sat with friends and i always had no one to sit with. It made me stick out like a sore thumb. I could easily make it through classes alone but lunch was always the worst.

I didnt notice any new kids in any of my classes. It looked like my plan was slowly blowing away in the wind. I had hoped this year would be different. I just hoped somehow i found out a way. I didnt want to be Bella the unpopular anymore. I was amiable enough so i didnt understand why people avoided me. Maybe they just never really gave me a chance.

When at last it was time for lunch, i walked to the cafeteria with a heavy heart. I had tried during all my morning classes to make friends. There was a girl name Angela who was a quiet girl in my Bio. She had seemed nice enough. I had sat next to her and turned to talk to her. She hadnt even said a word and just got up and sat somewhere else. Was it just me, or did everyone seem to avoid me?

So looking out into the cafeteria i tried to see a friendly face. Everyone was grouped up like they always were. The popular kids were off to the right, and the rest everywhere else. I grabbed a tray and went through the line. I didnt even pay attention to what the lunch lady was putting on it. I was desperately searching for a familiar face. Someone who would at least tolerate me sitting next to them.

When i paid for the food i made my way to the tables. Where was i to sit? The cools kids were out, the cheerleaders were out, was there anywhere i could blend in? Just for this hour? I looked to the right and seen a table with some kids who looked okay. They looked normal and werent giving me any hostile glares. I took a deep breath and walked over.

"Hello, may i sit with you guys today?" i asked politely. They all turned to look at me. I knew a few of them but not by name. They seemed a little awkward by my proposal but they didnt seem mean. A blonde boy with a boyish face smiled at me. Actually smiled!

"Sure, your names Bella? Right?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Are you new here?"

"No, i'v lived here all my life."

The blonde kid kinda faltered in his smile. He thought he was being nice to the new kid. But i actually wasnt new at all. He must not have ever really remembered me. What a kick that was. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. I set my tray down and sat down. Most of the kids were all together, i sat sorta apart. I could tell one person at the table didnt like my presence.

I remembered her, Lauren was her name. I hadnt spoke a word to her my whole life. But here she was sending daggers through her eyeballs. What was her problem? I ate slowly and just wished the time to go faster. These kids would no doubt be sitting somewhere else tomorrow. It happened every time. I was just thankful that for today i had found a place.

I listened to the friends chatter away. Jessica, the girl who rode my bus, was busy talking to the blonde kid who i found out was named Mike. Everyone seemed at ease with themselves. The only person who felt like they were on another planet, was me. Mike kept giving me glances all through out lunch. I wondered as to why.

When the bell rang i left the group and dumped my tray. I had art next. I noticed the Mike kid running to catch up with me.

"Why havent i noticed you before? I felt like such an ass back there."

"I blend in very well."

He laughed at that, "But still, i know everyone around here but not you. And you said you lived here all your life?"

"Yes, born and raised right here in Forks."

"Then it must have been just unlucky that i'v never seen you. Your fathers Charlie right?"

Of course he would know about that. Everyone in this small town would know that i was the screw ups daughter.

"Yeah.."

He looked around and noticed the direction i was taking. "Are you heading to building 5?

"Yup."

"Cool, i have art too next. Maybe i can get to know you better and all." he says.

What did he want? I took a closer look at him. He was good looking enough, if you liked the young faces. He seemed amiable enough so i guess it couldnt hurt. He was just being nice. He seemed like a nice kind of guy. Fair enough, he could talk to me if he chose.

We walked to the building. Mike constantly chatting away about anything and everything. I nodded and acknowledged him but didnt really say much. I opened the door and went for an empty table. Mike followed me. Why was he following me like a lost puppy? I have lived here for years and this kid has never even noticed me. So why notice me now?

The teacher came into the room. He had wild hair and his smock had paint all over it. I liked art but i wasnt much of an artist. The teacher was apparently all about art. He started the role call and i didnt pay attention until i heard a specific name.

"Edward Cullen."

"Here."

I searched for the sound of that voice, and sure enough the hot guy was a few tables over. Really? Lady Luck must certainly have it out for me. I didnt want even one period with that guy. He made my thoughts go haywire. Somebody that perfect should be locked up somewhere. He was hurting the population of females just by being around.

I tried to ignore that he was even in the room. A lot of girls were doing the exact opposite. I noticed a girl with blonde hair had sat next to him and was talking to him. Figures, barbie talking to ken. Girls like that made the rest of us look bad. Nobody got up each day and was perfect. Some of us just prefer a more laid back style. That girl had went all out. I could see her manicured long nails from here.

The teacher finally ended roll call and set back to make his speech. All the teachers this year had done so. It was our senior year for most of us. It would matter what we did this year. It would determine what colleges and scholarships we got. Every teacher had droned on for at least thirty minutes each. I pretended not to appear to excited but i was. Senior year was the last year and then i would be on my own. No more High School drama!

"Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Kline. As you all know, this is the last year to make an impression. What grades you get now, will determine the course you take in life. Now here in art, i really dont give grades. I believe its not necessary. But the school board would like to see some color added to your senior projects. So this year for your senior project it will be a whole year of this project. From school start, to school end you and a partner will be working on this project together."

Partner? Oh no, why couldnt i just work solo? I worked better by myself. I turned to see Mike smiling at a boy across the tables. Apparently i would find no luck there. I could see other people giving there friends knowing smiles. I felt like i was kicked in the gut. Who would be my partner? What even was the project? Maybe i could just get away with not having one? I counted all the students. Dang! There was an even number since that new kid was now added. If the incredible hotness hadnt come, i would have been able to get away without a partner!

I let Mr. Kline continue. "The school board has also put in some advice that it must be meaningful. That it must show a side of you that most dont know. I have came up with the idea. You have a year to show me some things that truly move you. Things that show beauty when others may not see the same way. You can do poems, photos, art in any form. You can write a short book, a poster, whatever you choose. You just have to work together and come up with a few things. I hope everyone is excited as i am!" He said waving his arms to the class. I wasnt excited at all. Things that move me? Move me where? To the insane asylum? And as for beauty, i was too much of a thinker to think of that. Beauty was in everything and everyone. Or so i believed.

A whole school year for this project? Just great. Partnered up to someone who hates me for a whole year. Could my life get any worse? I had a plan that if i couldnt be accepted then i would just fly by the best i could. But this project ruined all that. I would have to partner with the only other person who didnt have a partner. And i could already tell that that wouldnt be a good time. Why did this have to happen? Why didnt i choose another elective?

The teacher walked around handing out the syllabus. I checked it over. It was simple enough. It had to have at least a few different items. In whatever form we chose. It had to be constructed in a way that others could understand. It could be anything and everything, as long as it was in line with school policy. It was to be handed in at the end of the year. We would be graded and it would be put in our school portfolio.

It would add some nice background for my portfolio. I would have to come up with something good. It would have to be enough to maybe win me a scholarship to the program in Tucson. I would have to make sure i put my whole effort into it. My partner would either accept it or move away so i could get it done. I needed that scholarship more than anything else. I knew i would never make it if i didnt. This could be my chance. But why did i have to be partnered with someone else!

Mr. Kline grabbed a bowl from his desk. I could see paper folded up inside. Oh no.

"And for your partners, i decided it was to be done randomly!" A few kids grumbled audibly. The teacher just continued to smile. "This way you also get the chance to find out things about someone maybe you originally wouldnt know! It makes things more interesting, dont you think?" I wish i could have told him that id rather be buried alive. It was always bad when you had to partner up. But this was even worse. I would be partnered with someone who wanted somebody else. Great.

Mr. Kline shook the bowl and reached his hand inside. He began to pull out names.

"Penelope your with..." He reached inside to grab another slip. "Miranda." Penelope seemed at least happy with that. I assumed maybe they were friends. The rest of us might not be so lucky. I sat nervous and waited for my name to be called. He named off almost everyone in the class. But still my name was not called. There was only two slips left in the bowl. I knew what was coming and i couldnt believe it.

"Bella, you'll be with...Edward."

My mouth literally dropped to the floor. This couldnt get any worse. I would have to be partnered to the hottest guy ever and he didnt even want to be around me. I would have to spend alone time with him. How would i ever even be able to speak? Edward turned in his seat to give me one fleeting glance. I could see nothing in his green eyes. He wasnt happy and neither was i.

This was sure to make one hell of an interesting year.

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 **Authors note:**

 **Okay someone questioned about how they couldnt see Bella as being overweight. How not? This is a universe where Bella is overweight. Shes not oh hot damn but she is probably bigger than what is normally accepted. For those who have read the book, she was always liked when she came to Forks. In my story, she never left Forks. Her life is different, hence the title being Unwanted. She is a bigger girl but i dont envision her as 400 lbs. But this is for the reader to determine.**

 **This story is for those who have never fit in. For those who always wondered as to why they were never accepted. I always wondered as to what would have happened if Bella was different and here it is. If you dont like to think of her as being 'Fat' then just skip that and pretend otherwise. lol. I just wanted the perspective of someone who wasnt accepted physically as well as mentally. It will make the ending that much sweeter.**

 **This is for all people, who have ever wanted to be accepted.**

 **Hope that cleared stuff up!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Mr. Kline ordered us to sit with our partner. I swallowed hard and picked my books up. I walked to Edward's table and sat beside him. Up close he was even more handsome. Dear god, how was i to endure a whole year of him? Just sitting next to him make my heart pound like it was going to explode. I didnt know how the pretty girls handled themselves like they did. They appeared calm and flirty whereas i probably looked like a walrus in comparison.

Edward's eyes followed me as i sat down. I could tell he wasnt pleased but then neither was i. There was a reason why the cool kids and the uncool kids didnt hang out. It was because it was just awkward. A few girls had given me envious looks as i had sat down. I would have traded in an instant. He was too much hotness for me to handle.

Edward had the syllabus opened in front of him. His eyebrows were arched as he read it. Why did his eyebrow even look sexy? What were his parents feeding him? I tried to think of the project at hand. What could i possibly contribute? I didnt really have anything that moved me. I liked the softness of the woods in rain, but that wasnt something that 'moved' you. What was the reason i got up every morning?

To make a change.

Every morning i found strength that this day would bring something new. Hope. I had hope. But how do you show hope? Hope could be represented as anything. I needed something powerful to win my scholarship. What was something great here in Forks? I couldnt think of a single thing.

Why was i so strong? Was it watching my father sink into depression? Or my mother not being able to handle her own life? Or maybe it was because i had been secluded my whole life. I had never known what it was like to be accepted. Was that why i had the strength to move on? I always dreamed of bigger and better things. I took what i got in life and tried to make the best of it. I didnt cry when nobody called, instead i thanked that nobody was bothering me.

So what could i represent that showed hope? What could i possibly put forth that would move someone else? I couldnt put up pictures of my dad drunk on the couch. I couldnt put pictures of my house empty. I couldnt show photos of my mom at the store. I really didnt have any ideas on what to do. There was nothing really exciting about my life. What was i going to do?

I needed something that would awe potential colleges. I didnt want to think about if i messed this up. I knew i wouldnt be able to make enough money to go to college. It would take me a few years to save up that kinda cash. I knew my father wasnt go to help me and my mother didnt have that kind of money. School scholarships were my only real option.

I couldnt imagine living at home for a few more years. Already it was nightmarish enough. My dad wasnt always a nice person. My mom was never around to even notice it. My dad never left the house. He stayed inside and it was up to my mom to get everything done. We would have lost our small house by now if it wasnt for my mom. I didnt understand why my dad could be this distraught over his dismissal. Why didnt he try and get another job? Instead of sitting around the house in self loathing.

My life would be alot easier if he had stayed in the force. Alot of people from around town had respected him at one point. I remembered many people that would always ask if i was the sheriffs daughter. Now i was only the daughter of the town drunk. Not that many people seen my father much anymore. Maybe things would have been different if he would have still on the force. But i didnt want to think of that just now. I had more pressing issues at hand.

What were we going to do? I needed something great. I hoped that Edward didnt just want a passing grade. I would need him to be on board full tilt. But what could i say that would make him join in whole heartedly? I first had to figure out an idea. I needed to figure out a little more about him before i could. This was after all, a team effort.

I turned to Edward, "Any ideas?"

He didnt even look at me, "A few."

I waited for him to say something more, he didnt. "Okay well, what do you like to do?"

"I play the piano."

The piano? Did i hear that correctly? This hot dude played the piano?

"Anything else?"

"Not really."

"Well why did you move here?"

"My mom wanted a quiet atmosphere."

"What do your parents do?"

"My mom is a homebody and my dad works at the hospital. You? he asked.

"My mom works at the grocery store and my dad was in the police force."

"Was?"

"Yeah he was let go a year ago..."

"For what?" he asked. This apparently was the only cool thing i had said so far.

"I dont really know. He just messed up and they fired him."

He didnt reply. I thought of more questions to ask.

"Any motivational activities?" i asked.

"I play rugby, but i doubt that counts."

"Okay, what about siblings?"

He hesitated, "I have a little sister."

I could tell this was a sore subject so i moved on. "Have you done any volunteer work?"

"No."

"Any activities?"

"No."

"Where did you live before?"

"Alaska."

Alaska? Up there with the polar bears? This beauty lived in the cold? Maybe thats where all the hot people go to simmer down some of their hotness.

"I'v lived in Forks my whole life. I have done some volunteer work at the library..." i said. I could tell he thought i was the most boring person on the planet. Well sorry, i wasnt that exciting. I liked to read and write. That was what i did. Imagining the world through words is the best thing i have found yet. But this guy obviously lived in a better world then mine.

"Anything you think that would be a good start?" i asked.

"Not a clue." he says.

Okay this was getting me no where. What could we possibly do that would entwine our presentation together and still connect? What could possibly connect a girl like me and a boy like him? What did we have in common? Nothing from what i could see. I looked at his clothes. His clothes were expensive. I looked down at mine, they were cheap knock offs. He was gorgeous and wanted, i was average and unwanted. What could we possibly share that could tie us together?

Maybe that was it. We were from different lives. He had wealth, acceptance, friends whereas i had the opposite. Maybe we could do something about how we come from different worlds but yet we still bleed the same. Would that work?

The project is supposed to speak to people. Wouldnt that speak the loudest? Two people, completely different, that somehow find a way to connect. Even if its just something simple. That would speak to me. He came from a world i would never know, as mine would to him. Nobody really knows someones life unless they truly walk in there shoes. Would Edward walk in mine?

I looked over at him. He was doodling on the syllabus. Would this work? And could i make this work? I needed something great for that scholarship. Isnt everyone always saying about how everyone is the same? But yet here is proof that we arent. I am nothing like Edward, and he is nothing like me. Yet here we are, living in the same moment. Surely that would be a great idea. But how to get Edward on board? I didnt know if he even cared about college. His parents probably could easily afford it.

"I have an idea." i said trying to catch his attention. He didnt look up from his doodle. I continued, "I was thinking why dont we just capture moments in our life? Then we make a presentation of the stages it took and how they are different and how they are alike." Though i thought they'd be more different then anything. My life was more depressing. He shrugged so i took that for a yes.

I grabbed a piece of paper and began jotting down ideas. I was thinking of a photo affair and maybe a little artwork. I couldnt draw but i felt i didnt need to. We could make a little short book. Each showing strong messages. He could have one and i would have the other. But at the end they'd be the same thing. I could easily just buy a journal and do it that way. I started writing down supplies.

When i was done i got Edwards attention again.

"Okay, first off. This is separate but together. I want us to each have a little journal of sorts. One with blank pages no lines. We fill it with photos of us, things we like, things that make us happy. Then at the end of the year, we can combine them. It will show two lives that are lived differently. Wouldnt that be a good idea?" i said, my enthusiasm running high.

He raised an eyebrow. I could tell he thought i was nuts.

"Okay, but how is that together?" he says.

"We will have to figure it out. I can help take photos and draw, you can help too. We can meet up every week or so and hash out some ideas. Does that sound good to you?"

His eyes went down the front of me. I could see he was taking in my cheap clothes. I felt a little awkward and wished my belly was a little smaller. For the first time, he was actually looking at me. His eyes darted back to his doodle.

"Sure, let me give you my number. So you can figure out when you'd like to meet up and text me." he says. He writes down his number and slides it to me. I grab the paper and stuff it in my pocket. Now probably was not the best time to tell him i didnt own a cell phone. He appeared to be distant from me but he wasnt mean. I couldnt really blame him. This was how most people dealt with me. Oh well, i had an idea!

This could actually work out better than i had hoped! We would have to meet up once a week or so but that wasnt too bad. We could figure things out and then i could leave. It wouldnt be as bad as i first thought. When this year was over, i felt that i had that scholarship in the bag. Maybe meeting Edward was a good thing. I doubt any of the other kids would have been so quick to agree on the idea for the project.

The bell rang. Edward was up and out of his seat before i even moved. He walked past me and left the room. His cologne was causing me to hyperventilate. Did this guy even have one flaw? Life just wasnt fair. Some people got it all, and some people got nothing at all. I was fine with this because at the end of the year it wouldnt matter. I would be far away living my life. In a place where it didnt matter how much my parents made. Where it didnt matter how big i was. Where it didnt matter that i wasnt popular.

The only thing that would matter was the spirit inside me that was waiting to be set free.

* * *

 **Authors note: Okay guys, heres the first four chapters! Let me know if its good enough to continue with. Thanks so much for your time and support!**


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day passed smoothly. I was glad to get off the bus. Most of the kids were all happy. They had seen friends they hadnt seen since last year. I was the only one who was happy just to not have any drama. Usually people liked to pick on me. Whether it was my clothes, or my weight, whatever they could throw. Today, thankfully, no one had even bothered. As first days went, it hadnt been so bad. Sure i wished that i could have maybe gotten into the cool crowd but i was okay. No one had ridiculed me at least. Everything had went okay. I walked to my front door. I opened the door and instantly knew there was trouble.

I could smell alcohol and vomit. Not a good mix i'll tell you that. My mothers car wasnt in the drive so that must mean it was just my dad. Usually my dad being drunk this early was never good. I edged slowly into the house. I didnt want to stumble into something i'd rather not. I dropped my book bag by the door and went in search of my father.

He was on the couch. Vomit was everywhere. _Wow, not even 4 o'clock and he's hammered._ I went over to him and tried to take the bottle out of his hands. I really shouldnt have done that. His eye jerked open. They were red and hazy.

"What are yah doin?" he slurrs. I try backing away. His hand grabs me by the shirt and holds me there.

"Answer me!" he spits. I could smell the whiskey on his breath. This was a bad one.

"Nothing dad, was just seeing if you were okay."

I could tell he was thinking. His eyes were swimming out of focus. His grip tightened even more. I tried prying his fingers loose. He had a strong grip for a drunk! I guess that angered him because he grabbed me with his other hand. His hand grabbed me by the face. I could feel his nails digging into my cheek. I pushed as hard as i could and that only made him hold tighter.

"Dad stop!" i screamed.

He didnt listen. I used all of my weight and threw myself backward. His nails scratched me as i fell back. I fell backwards onto my butt. My father was trying to stumble to his feet. That was my cue to get the hell out. I got to my feet and ran for the door. I didnt want to be around him when he was like this. Usually my mother handled this.

I grabbed my jacket and left the house. It was still light outside. Where was i to go? I didnt want to sit here with my dad. I could go see my mother. See if she had any money for me. I usually got an allowance but over the past few months i hadnt received one. Maybe i could get some money from her for a cell phone.

I walked in the direction of the grocery store. It wasnt too far away. Just a few blocks down the street. I clutched my jacket to me and tried to keep my mind off of things. This wasnt the first time he had laid his hands on me. And i knew it wouldnt be the last. My mother just turned her head when she saw the bruises on me. I guess that was her way of parenting.

I kicked a can that was beside the road. I would be there any minute now. I seen the archway for Goldmans Grocery. I pushed open the front door and went inside. Harsh lights awaited me. Goldmans was small compared to many other stores. It was also a little rundown. I couldnt imagine why it was even still open. Not many people came to this part of town. I looked along the registers til i found my mom.

I walked over, she was busy with a customer so i waited. When she was done i came up to the counter. My mother barely even looked at me.

"Mom do you have any money i could have?" i asked.

"What do you think? That money grows on trees?"

"No...but i need money for school things."

"Where is the money you made this summer?"

"I spent it on clothes rememeber?"

She sighed and grabbed her purse from under the counter. She rummaged through for a few seconds and pulled out her wallet. "How much?" she asked.

"40?"

She muttered under her breath and threw me two twenties. "Your welcome."

"Thanks."

"Did you stop in at the house?" she asked.

"Yeah...Dad's in one of his moods."

"Great... well see you later."

"See ya." i said.

I tucked the money into my pocket and left the store. My mother and i hadnt ever really been close. She was trying to deal with her marriage in the best way she could. And that way was the one that didnt include me. I had heard students making fun of me saying my mom was a whore. I didnt really listen to there words but somewhere down inside me i knew better. I had seen my mom with different men. I had witnessed the days when she didnt come home. My dad pretended nothing was even different. I felt sorry for those two. I thought parents were supposed to love each other?

I walked down the sidewalk. A few teenagers were off to my left smoking a cigarette. I didnt know their names but i knew their faces. They were a group of boys that were as poor as i was. I decided to not make any contact. A few years ago those same boys had yelled nasty names at me from across the street. I usually avoided them when i seen them. I didnt want any drama. I doubted they even really remembered me. They had their heads down anyway as i walked by them. The cloud of smoke drifted my way. I held my breath until i broke clear.

Okay, where to buy a cell phone? I could see an electronics store just down the road. That would have to be it. I crossed the street and made my way towards it. I never had a cell phone before. No one had ever really wanted to call. I opened the door and stepped inside. I could see many varying devices lining the walls. But where was the phones?

A sales rep came over to me. His glasses were thick and his mustache gave me the creeps.

"Can i help you?" he wheezed.

"Ugh, yeah im looking to buy a cell phone?"

"What carrier were you interested in?" he says. Carrier?

"Ugh, one that works around here?" i stammered. He looked at me a little closely. Well sorry, it wasnt my fault that i didnt know anything about them. He led me over to a display. I could see a few phones lining the walls.

"These work just fine for Forks. Do you know if you want a contract or a pre paid?" he asked.

"Pre paid?" i said, having no clue what a contract even was. Didnt i have to be 18 for one of those?

He pointed to a few select phones. Some of them looked like phones for the kind of phone did i even want? Probably one with buttons to text one because i wasnt really tech savvy. I saw one that had a nice keyboard under the main screen. It was cheap enough and it was green, my favorite color. That sealed the deal with me. I had him take that one out for me. He led me to the counter and explained the plans to me. Geez, so much for just a cell phone.

I left the store 70 bucks lighters. The phone was 30 and the plan 40. Thank god i still had some money left from summer, not that my mother needed to know that. I sat outside on a bench and started the process of activating it. After a long amout of wasted time i finally got it to work. The screens lights came on and everything was ready to go. I pulled up the menu and entered Edward's number. His number was the only one i had.

Should i text him now? I mean, he did give it to me. But i think he only meant for me to text him about the project. But what harm could it be to just send a 'hey' text or something. I figured why not. I had more courage when i wasnt looking at him. I opened the messaging up and sent him just a hello. I waited for a response. A few seconds later i got one.

 _Hey who is this?_

 _Its Bella, was just seeing what you were up too._

No response.

I waited for a full ten minutes out on the bench. The sun was descending in the sky by that point. I really hadnt expected a response. Gosh texting was so infuriating! You text someone and they are supposed to text back right? Not make you sit here for hours wondering if they died or something. I was regretting even getting the phone. I paced for a few more minutes before i decided that it didnt matter. I was stupid for thinking that just because he gave me his number that he had wanted to talk. It was only for the project.

I decided to just go home. My dad was sure to be passed out somewhere. I could just slip to my room and suffocate myself with my pillow. I didnt want Edward's lack of response to poison my mood but i couldnt help it. I had felt courageous with that text. I had expected at least a formal text back. I should have expected him to not answer. I mean look at him, and look at me.

I wasnt ugly, but i wasnt gorgeous. I never wore make up, always had my hair up, and half the time i just threw on clothes that were clean. I was never really into the whole two hour dress up sessions. I was comfortable with who i was. But apparently that wasnt good enough for anyone else. I thought i was pretty in the fact that i was original. I didnt plaster my face with cover up to hide my pimples. I didnt wear eye liner to make my eyes look better then they were. I was original, i was as god intended. I didnt wear heels to make up for the fact that i was shorter than i liked. I was who i was.

I thought men wanted a girl for who they were instead of what they were? If i was a man i'd rather date a girl with a beautiful soul than just a beautiful body. I mean, beauty fades but your personality doesnt. What happens when they wake up and shes not as pretty as she was, are they going to leave her for someone else? Some days i was glad i wasnt a barbie look alike. How could you ever believe that they werent just with you for your looks? I was proud to be average. Average meant normal. Well, somewhat normal.

When i made it to the door i heard a _beep beep_ from my pocket. _What was that?_ And then i remembered, my cell phone! I quickly yanked it from my pocket. I had completely forgotten about it. My heart was beating furiously inside my chest. The only person who had this number was the only person i gave it too! I clicked the messaging screen and opened the message.

 _This might be a little awkward for you, but i really need to get out of the house. I dont know to many people yet and i was wondering if you wanted to go grab a bite to eat?_

I about died. This just could not be happening!

I texted back with shaking fingers, _Sure, where do you want to meet?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Why dont you pick the place_ he texted

 _Okay theres a small diner down on 42nd street how about there?_

 _Ok see you shortly_

I clicked my phone off and sat back bewildered. I had not expected him to text back, let alone hang out! Was this some sort of trick? I had enough money to get something to eat so even if it was i was fine. I could eat there and if he didnt show up then i could just go home.

Cathy's Diner was a local joint. It had delicious turkey sandwiches. I sometime went there from time to time. It was only a few blocks from my house anyway. I put my phone back in my pocket and started walking. It didnt take me long at all.

I walked in and seated myself near the back. The booth squeaked under me as i sat down. I noticed a waitress coming over.

"What wil you be having today? she asked. She was a super slim blonde with perfect manicured hands. I was a little intimidated by her.

"Just a glass of Pepsi, im waiting for a friend before i order."

She nodded her head and left the table. I could tell she had given me a look over. I doubted she believed that someone was coming for me. Or maybe she was just looking forward to quitting time. Maybe i was just being paranoid. I had every reason to be.

I understood that Edward was new. I could see that he didnt have really anyone to hang out with yet. But i never thought that he would actually hang out with me! It wasnt about the project so why would he want to hang out? Did he have a crush on me? No, that was preposterous. A guy like that didnt date girls like me. Even though girls like me daydreamed about it constantly. Our paths in life just never cross. But here, Edward was already crossing with mine.

Was it a weird coincidence that he was my partner in Art? Was it a coincidence that he had wanted to hang out, even though i had spent a good twenty minutes freaking out because he hadnt texted back. Was this just all in my head? Maybe he just needed a breather from whatever he was doing. It could be just something as normal as that. Leave it to me to make a big deal out of things.

The waitress brought my Pepsi. I sipped lightly on it, my eyes trained on the entrance. I didnt know where he lived but it shouldnt take him too long to get here. It had taken me ten minutes just to walk here. He shouldnt be too far behind. Especially with that fancy car of his. I wondered how much that had cost his parents.

I wasnt jealous or anything. I was content with what i had. It just amazed me how some people had it all and some had nothing. Whatever your parents did, determined your life. My parents were just ordinary folk. They hadnt strived to become higher then they were. So i wasnt anything but ordinary. His parents obviously did things right. I wondered on what their house looked like.

We had rich people here in Forks, though not that many. They all lived out in the middle of the woods away from the rest of us. The rest of us smashed ourselves into the town limits. There maybe were some down over at the Reservation but that was mainly the natives that lived over there. Edward's car was the fanciest i had seen in a long time. Forks rained and the weather could be unpredictable. Most chose more weather durable cars for this area. Though one time i did see a convertible.

I heard the tinkle of the bell so i looked up. Edward had just stepped into the shop. _My god, he should be illegal._ No one had the right to look that good. His hair was gelled up just right. His face set in somber manner. His clothes were clothes in a fashion magazine. I about died right there in my booth. Maybe i was just crazy and he was a figment of my imagination. That would explain a few things. He seen me and headed over. I tried to calm my ever beating heart.

He slid into the booth and finally looked at me properly.

"What happened to your face?" was the first thing he asked. I touched my fingers to my cheek. I could feel swelling. I hadnt even thought of that. Nobody else had said anything but then why would they? They didnt know me. Even my mom hadnt even said anything. But she was used to it by now.

"Its nothing." i muttered.

"Sure looks like something. Did someone attack you?" he asked.

"No, just dont worry about it."

He continued to look at me with those brilliant green eyes. I hoped he would just drop the subject. I really didnt want to talk about my abusive dad to someone like him. He looked at me for a little while and then apparently gave up. He picked up his menu and perused the items. I already knew what i wanted so i waited.

Our waitress came over and almost did a double take. Apparently she had now just noticed Edward herself. I didnt blame her. He was the hottest thing around now a days. She gave him warm smiles the whole time.

"What will you be having today?" she asked mainly to him.

"Ham and cheese with rice. And a glass of water." he said.

She wrote down his order and gave me a glance. "And you?"

"The turkey and bacon." i say.

She wrote mine down, gave Edward a long radiant smile and then walked away. Edward just seemed used to it. I assumed he got that kind of attention everywhere. My shoulders slumped a little in my seat. The waitress probably assumed i was just somebody, not anyone with real connections to him. Well, that was the truth.

"So what have you been up too?" he asked me.

"Oh nothing, just...hanging around."

"Yeah im sorry for the late text back but i had to get out of the house."he says. _I knew it._

"Thats okay, i needed time away too."

He looked at me, his eyes a little distant. Was it just me, or was this uncomfortable for both of us. I swirled my ice cubes around in my cup with a straw. I didnt want to keep looking at him in fear he would think i was staring.

"So..." he said slowly. I took that as he wanted me to start a conversation.

"So tell me a little about yourself?"

He laughed a little at my perplexed expression.

"Well, my name is Edward. I just moved to Forks, Washington the rainiest place on Earth." I smiled at that. He continued, "I have a little sister named Alice who is a big part of my life. My parents are good people but sometimes we dont see eye to eye." His voice had deepened at that. I wondered as to what the drama was behind his parents name. It wasnt my place to ask though.

"I grew up in Alaska with my family. Its not as bad as it sounds." He said laughing. I loved that laughter.

"I am a senior and im 18 years old, soon to be 19. I plan on moving away when i graduate. I have my eyes on a medical school. Following in my fathers footsteps i guess. What about you?"

Okay, what should i tell him? I cant tell him anything weird or awkward if i have any hopes at all in being friends.

"My name is Isabella, though i prefer Bella. I have lived here in Forks all my life. All my family live here so we just never left. Im 17, soon to be 18. I have hopes on a writing program up in Tucson."

"Ah, is that why your so enthusiastic over this art project?"

"Of couse, it means alot to me."

He smiled and looked at me. I could feel my breath coming in shallow. He really had a way with messing with my mind.

"Well, i hope that we have a long year of good progress with our project then."

I had no choice but to smile back.

Our food arrived shortly after. I tried to eat like a lady but i was starving. I ate just as fast as he did. And the wonderful thing is, is he didnt make me feel any worse for doing so. When at last the food was consumed and the plates cleared. We headed outside. His car was parked at the curb. I was kinda sad that this was over too soon.

"You wanna take a walk around the block?" he asked. I nodded, thanking the god above.

We slowly walked around the shop. I wondered why he was stalling for time. Was it so bad at home? Or maybe i just didnt know the whole story. He didnt talk bad about his parents so they couldnt be all bad. Maybe they just had a fight or something.

He stopped and turned to me. "Listen Bella, thanks for coming out with me tonight. It means alot." he said. His eyes looking into mine. I was having a hard time breathing.

"No problem, anytime."

We continued walking. Is this what it feels like to be normal? Just having a nice little walk with a hot guy. Maybe there was someone above looking out for me. I was thankful that i had gotten a phone today. Edward remained silent for a little while. I could tell he was thinking.

We walked around the block and ended up back at his car. He turned to me and said, "Well i will see you tomorrow. Have a good night."

And then he hugged me. He actually hugged me. I could do nothing but stand there and blush. He caught my expression and chuckled lightly. At least he didnt think i was a weirdo or something. He waved good bye and got into his car. I watched him as he drove away. I still couldnt bring myself to move.

Edward Cullen had actually touched me. Yeah it was only a quick hug but i'd take what i could get! His body felt hard and lean next to mine. I still had a blush on my cheeks. What in the world had just happened? One minute im sulking because i think he is avoiding me. Next thing were out eating together. Then he's wrapping his arms around me. I felt like i had been hit with a brick.

I didnt do these things. I didnt go out with boys. I certainly didnt hug too many either. Especially not gorgeous ones like that. Was he just a little weird himself? Or maybe i had just been in the right time at the right moment, for once in my life. Maybe i was just lucky today.

I walked home with a happy heart. It didnt matter that my face felt like it had been scratched to hell. Nor that my home would be empty except for my passed out dad. I could actually go to school tomorrow without any difficulties. I actually looked forward to it. I felt like things were finally leaning towards my favor. Like anything could happen.

I laid in bed after returning home. I had a quick shower and now it was time for bed. I laid there, too excited to go to sleep. Was this how a crush feels like? I had never had one before. I couldnt stop thinking about him. I couldnt stop thinking about his laugh and his velvet voice. He was perfect. And he had taken me out tonight. Was it a date? No, that would imply that he was romantically interested.

I needed to go to sleep before i concocted an even wilder story. He had just asked me out as a friendly outing that was all. Still i laid in bed and dreamed of different things. Dreams where Edward was actually mine. Dreams where instead of his arms wrapping around me he had his lips against mine. Oh how i loved that dream. I could lay here and dream of him forever.

* * *

 **Authors note: Here you go my lovelies. Enjoy! And dont forget to review or follow. It makes my day to see that happen. More to come in the following days. Stay Tuned and thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Edward**_

I drove down the winding road with conflicting thoughts. I really didnt want to go home. I couldnt stand to look into my mothers eyes. It wasnt my fault for what happened but i still feel the blame. If i had been there, or if i could have somehow did things differently. Maybe things wouldnt be as they were.

I could feel the guilt crushing to bury me. I had to get out of that house. It was only a strike of luck that Bella had texted after i had stormed away. My mother and i had been fighting ever since i got home. Bella was a welcome relief. She had made it easier for me to leave the house and get my mind off of things. When i was with her i could forget, if only for a little while, all the things back home.

I hadnt expected to like her. I wasnt a shallow person but i was hoping to avoid her. I could tell from the first time i seen her that she and i didnt mix. It wasnt anything bad but it was just bad for my image. _That makes me sound like an asshole._ Its just our lives were very different. I was a new kid here. Hanging out with the wrong person could effect my whole life here. Every kid knew that. If you hung out with a loser on your first day, every one dubbed you as one. It was hard to get out of that once it happened.

I thought Bella was actually pretty cool. She seems shy at first but opens up after a little bit. I just didnt want her effecting my status with the other kids. I guess i was a little shallow in that fact. I knew the ways of High School better than alot of kids. It takes alot of effort to be cool. Some kids think we do it with ease. Its an uphill battle everyday. I couldnt be friends with Bella or else i'd lose all standing i had. My good looks will only get me so far.

Still, i felt sad. She was a cool girl. I had actually liked spending the time with her i did have. If it wasnt for the fight i may have never got the chance to even know her. Sure we had the project to do, but that could have been just all work related. I had gotten to know her in a way that wasnt school related. I had seen her for what she was. I had to admit she surprised me.

I had expected to leave early because she was weirding me out. I hadnt expected to stay the whole time and even a little after! What was with that girl? She was hard to understand. She seemed to calm and collected but underneath i could feel she was much more. I wonder what her story was? She didnt say too much about herself. She wouldnt even tell me where those scratches came from. I didnt pressure her because its none of my business. But the thought of someone hurting her made my blood boil. Nobody should ever lay a finger on a woman.

I drove up the driveway and parked my car next to my mothers. I laid my head on the steering wheel. How was i going to face her now? I had ran away like i had ran away before. If i had stayed and been a man, none of this would have happened. I would carry this weight until the moment i died. I would never be able to find peace for my thoughts.

I opened my car door and slammed it shut. I locked the car and sighed a deep sigh before heading toward the house. Our house was a beautiful affair. It had glass windows all over the house. It let in what little light Forks had to offer. I loved the house. It made things easier for Alice.

I didnt want to think of it so i stopped. I walked slowly toward the house. I could see my mother through the glass in the kitchen. Maybe i could get past her unnoticed. I slipped inside and tried to escape unnoticed. But my mother had ears like a wolf. She called my name from the kitchen. I groaned softly and went to see what she wanted.

"Edward is that you?" she asked. _Of course, who else would it be._

"Yes mother."

I stepped into the kitchen. My mom was kneading dough on the counter. Probably getting ready for supper later tonight. I leaned against the kitchen archway. She raised her head and looked at me once before returning to the dough.

"Where have you been?" she says.

"Out with a friend from school."

"Is it a girl?"

"Mom..." i groaned.

She laughed, "I was just asking! I didnt ask if you were marrying her. Whats she like?"

"Shes just a friend mom. We have a project in art class together."

"Is she pretty?" she asked. Her hands still deep in the dough.

Was Bella pretty? Maybe in an ordinary way. She wasnt like most girls. She didnt spend thousands of minutes a day worrying about her hair and make up. She was more natural. She was cute, in her own way.

"Yeah shes pretty." i stammered.

"Well bring her around sometime."

My mother was always the loving type. She always worried about me. She had hopes that i would find a love like she had with my father. I was always wanting to tell her that just because she had a fairy tale life that the rest of us wont be so lucky. I didnt really want to ever get married. But my mother was always the optimist. I however seen to the thing people call reality. I loved my mother though.

I turned and was about to walk away when she spoke again.

"Edward.

"Yeah?"

"Check in on Alice would you...She loves your company."

I left the room as quickly as i could. What a way for my mom to make me feel bad. I knew that wasnt her intention but it still hurt. I didnt like to think about Alice. I loved her too much to dwell on memories that hurt. I climbed the steps as slowly as i could. Alice's room was just at the top of the stairs. I knocked on the door lightly before i entered.

The first thing i heard was the beeping. There were many machines in Alice's room. Each made its own distinct beep. I hated those beeping noises more than anything. How i wished she didnt need them.

Alice was asleep. I loved her when she slept. Her face was calm and so peaceful. Her brown hair was around her face in a kind of halo. She was a beautiful little girl. How i loved it when she smiled. She didnt smile much these days. She only smiles for me. She loves when i play the piano. My heart aches every time i see her.

She was hooked up to each machine. I tried not to look at them when i came to see her. I didnt want to remember her as the girl who was more a machine then not. I wanted to remember her for the little girl who screamed with laughter. The little girl who followed her brother around by the hand. I didnt want to see her like this.

I sat beside her bed and put my hand on hers. She smelled like pure medicine. I didnt like that smell. I was going to just sit her with her while she slept but i didnt think she'd open her eyes. Her eyes were the same green as mine.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes Alice, im here." i said softly. Her eyes lit up a little at that. Sometimes she had a hard time seeing things.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. But every boy has to go to school if they want to grow up smart." i said. She smiled a little smile. I felt my heart breaking.

"Yeah mom says that too. But i still miss you all the same."

"I miss you too little bird. When your all better you'll go to school too." i said. She knew i was lying but she didnt argue. We both were smart enough to know that Alice would never go to school again.

"I just wish there were more things to do." she says softly. Her eyes looking out the window. I could tell she wanted to play outside. She had always loved to go out into the woods and return with some kind of creature or another. How i wished that she could.

"I know. At least you get to watch tv all day. That must be fun." i said, attempting to be happy sounding.

"Oh yeah, watching reruns all day is super fun." she said giggling. I smiled back at her though it was a weak smile.

She blinked her eyes and turned back to me. I could tell she was fighting the medicine but in the end it always won.

"Will you stay with me til i fall asleep?" she said.

"Of course." i said softly.

She cradled my hand to her chin and closed her eyes. I watched her as she slowly started to fall asleep. She always found comfort in me and i didnt know why. I deserved far less. It pained me to see her like this. Chained to a bed, forever laying here. I longed to see her outside with the sun in her hair. I longed to see her grow up happy. It saddened me to think that would never happen.

I carefully took my hand away so she wouldnt wake. I leaned over her and kissed her forehead. I fought the tears that were threatening to escape. I closed her door softly and went to my bedroom. I couldnt fight the tears anymore. Grown men werent supposed to cry, but i cry more now than i ever did.

I wiped the tears away with my sleeve and sat on my bed. I couldnt escape this reality. I couldnt escape this no matter how hard i tried. My poor dear Alice would never be alright again.

Alice was dying and it was all my fault.

* * *

 **Authors note: Edwards POV! Someone read my mind lol. I already had the idea! Well here it is, dont forget to leave your comments below. More to come, stay tuned. Thanks!**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Bella**_

The next day i could barely control my excitement. I rushed through the morning as quickly as i could. I would see Edward today. I knew it was irrational and i knew that he was just a friend,if that. But i still couldnt control what my heart desired. It desired him. I knew i was being stupid but i could act normally. I wouldnt freak him out or anything and i wouldnt pressure him to talk to me. I would be okay with just being friends.

I dressed in a blur. I ate my breakfast as fast as i could. I couldnt wait for this day to begin! I ran a brush through my hair and decided to leave it down for today. I had other things that were on my mind. My father wasnt up and about, neither was my mother. I assumed my mother came home last night and cleaned everything up because there wasnt a mess in sight. My mother usually was the one to handle my father, i thanked her for that. I didnt want to deal with him today. The scratches on my face were barely noticeable. Thanks to some lotion and a good soak in the tub last night.

I waited at the bus stop like everyone else. My hands were slick with sweat. I didnt have any classes with him but art. I would have to wait most of the day for him. I didnt mind waiting but every minute would feel like forever. The bus pulled up to a stop. I followed all the other kids and sat once again by myself. I tried to be patient during the ride. Needless to say it wasnt working.

The bus pulled up in front of the school. I got off and made my way towards my favorite spot. I would be able to see him at least arrive from here. I sat down and waited for the bell. A group of girls walked past me. They were talking about Edward.

"That new kid is gorgeous." The blonde girl said.

"I wonder if hes taken?" asked the brunette.

"With looks like that, most likely. " The blonde replied.

"Does anyone even know his name?" The little red headed girl in the back asked.

The leader of the pack spotted me. "Hey you know that new kid right?" she asked. Her slim hands were on her waist. She was in my art class. She knew me and the new kid were partners. I swallowed and replied, "Yeah his name is Edward."

"Do you know if hes single?" a brunette girl in the trio asked.

"I have no idea." i replied. The girls scrutinized me for a few seconds. Obviously i wasnt a threat to them. The leader was a girl i knew since grade school. Her name was Rosalie and she was a true beauty. Her blonde hair and blue eyes made her the perfect image. I knew many boys fantasized about her. She apparently didnt think i was worth a damn.

She beckoned to her friends and they left the area. I watched their little struts as they walked away. Apparently they were done with my conversation. Oh well, i didnt like girls like that anyway. Rosalie was too perfect. She made me uncomfortable. I would be weirded out to date a girl like that. Thank god i wasnt a man. I preferred the simpler things in life. Rosalie was nothing but complex. She would be a handful to any guy brave enough to try.

I looked around trying to spot him through the crowd. Chances are he might be here already. Though i hadnt seen his car in the parking lot. I jerked my head around when i heard the familiar rumble of his engine. His red Mustang parked in the empty spot and i watched him emerge. His auburn hair shining in the dim sunlight. He looked gorgeous as usual.

He got out and walked over to a group of kids. They were the athletic type. He said he played rugby so he definitely fit in there. I had waved at him but i dont think he noticed. When the bell rang i followed the rest of the students to homeroom. The first half of the day passed smoothly.I made it through my classes just fine. My nerves were shot by the time the bell rang. It was now time for lunch.

When i was in the line for food, Mike came up beside me.

"Hey Bella." he said enthusiastically.

"Hey Mike."

"You sitting with us today?" he asked.

"Sure."

He followed me through the line and led me over to his table. He did something unexpected. He sat right next to me and not in his usual spot. His friends gave me an appraising look but didnt question me being there. Today was a day for surprises i guess. I could feel Lauren giving me glares the whole time. I ignored her the best i could. The girl from my bus stop, Jessica, slid down beside Mike.

"Hey, your Bella right?" she asked me.

"Yeah." i replied. She looked at me a little closer. She took in my normal attire and appeared content with it. She apparently didnt have anything more to say to me. She smiled and turned to Mike. "So your coming out to La Push this weekend right?" Mike smiled and turned to her. "Of course! I wouldnt miss it for all the world."

Jessica smiled radiantly and slid back down to the rest of her friends. I dont know what that was. Was she trying to show her dominance or something? _Mike is mine, dont touch._ That was fine with me. I wasnt interested in Mike and i doubted he was interested in me. Mike was nice to me but i figured that was because of the kind of guy he was. Mike was just a friendly nice guy.

"Are you going Bella?" he said after Jessica had left.

"To La Push?" La Push was a beach in the reservation. I had been there only once before.

"Yeah."

"I wasnt invited."

"Yes you are silly. I just invited you." he said smiling. Did this boy never stop smiling? He did have a nice one but still. His happiness made my face hurt. It wouldnt hurt to hang out with kids from school. I might be able to make a good impression on some of them. Maybe my whole problem was that people really didnt know me well enough. I was a bit shy at times. Maybe this could be a good thing for me.

"I guess i could come." i say.

"Great! Shall i pick you up? I kinda noticed that you ride the bus to school."

"Yeah sure." i said a little embarrassed. Most of the kids my age had their own car. I gave him my address and he told me the specifics for the trip. It would be nice to hang with people my own age. Plus the beach was beautiful. Mike chattered on for the rest of the lunch period. He seemed like a nice guy. He was the only one so far who had went out of there way to talk to me. He walked me to art class too when the lunch period was over.

When we got into the building he said his goodbyes. He went to sit with his partner for the year. I went to my own table and waited for Edward. A few seconds before the bell rang i got my wish. He slid into the seat next to me. I smiled at him and he nodded. I waited til the teacher was done with his usual speech before i leaned closer.

"How are you?"

"Good, and you?"

"Could be better. But im alright. Did you get any of the supplies i told you about?"

"Yeah" he said sliding a journal from his stack of books. I took it from him and opened it. Perfect. No lines and it was just the right size. I slid mine over and opened up the first page in each.

"Great, now we just need to fill it."

We spent most of the class time talking about things to put in our journals. Edward was serious about the piano being a main part in his. I told him that he could do as he pleased. I would be the one at the end of the year to cut pieces and fit them together in one big book. He could put whatever he liked now and i would filter it later. He had his own camera so we were set on that. We just now had to find the time to take the photos.

It was a few minutes before the bell rang. I leaned closer and tried to be brave.

"Are you going to La Push this weekend?"

"No? Is there something going on?"

"A group of people are going out to hang out. Was wondering if you'd like to come...with me?"

He looked at me, his eyes taking in how close i was. He leaned back before replying, "Im busy this weekend. I'v got family things to take care of."

The bell rang and i almost jumped out of my skin.

"Oh okay, thats cool. Was just seeing if you wanted to come too."

"Another time." he said nonchalantly. I walked him walk out of the building. Why was i so stupid! I shouldnt have leaned closer and said that too him! I should have made it more friendly instead of intimate. He had to lie and say he had things to do rather than just tell me to my face. God i could be so dense!

I picked my books up and practically ran from the building. I just screwed up! I didnt want him to think i was a stalker girl or anything. I just wanted to be around him. But maybe he didnt feel the same way. He had leaned away from me like i had a disease or something. I hope he didnt get the wrong idea. But maybe thats how i came across.

Fair enough, i liked him. He was tall, gorgeous, and i could tell he had alot more going on then he was willing to tell me. I just hoped that maybe we could have been friends. I had let my emotions run high and now he was probably going to avoid me. _Great going Bella, way to ruin everything._ I should have came to him a little more carefree. Not up close and personal. At least i had even tried.

Maybe he did have family matters to attend too. Maybe we were still alright with each other. I just hoped that i hadnt scared him away. Even if all we were was just school friends that was okay. I didnt expect anything from him. I just needed the project done and that was it. If he didnt want anything else to do with me then fine. Though my heart would hurt for awhile...

I just have never been in this situation before. I have never spent time together with a boy. I didnt like him because he was the only one talking to me. Mike was talking to me and i didnt like him like that. It was just something about Edward. He was a young man but he gave the air of someone much older. He had eyes that sometimes had a hard glint as if he had seen things no one really my age has. He was mysterious in his own way.

I was infatuated. Which was stupid. I liked his physical appearance just fine, but it was more his emotional that dragged me in. He was so different from the other boys here. He had actually took the time to know me unlike every one else. I liked him for what he was, not for who he was. Most girls around here would be with him just because he was hot. I would be with him whether he was or not. Wasnt that a good quality?

Edward had a story just like we all do. I wanted to know it because i needed to know it. I wondered why he sounded so sad sometimes. What could be making him sad? That question ate at me. I needed to know his life story. It fascinated me.

The only problem was is that when i actually find out, i wish that i had never wanted to know.

* * *

 **Authors note: Whew! Wonder whats in store for Bella next? As always, thanks for reading and taking the time. All will be revealed in the chapters to come! So stay tuned, more is on its way. Also, i plan to do a little of Bella POV and Edward POV so you guys can get a closer look at both sides. Dont always judge a book by its cover. Ta Ta for now!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Edward**

The car ride there was torture enough. I hated coming to the research facility. It never did any good. My mom was in tears by the end of it. My father was grim and didnt talk to anyone for hours afterwards. I didnt understand why we even came here anymore.

It was for Alice.

Alice was the reason for anything now a days. My mother and father were only staying together because of her. Without her our whole family would fall apart. And it was all my fault. I wish it was me in that hospital bed and not her. She didnt deserve this fate. She didnt deserve any of this at all.

Alice had a disease. It was a rare one. All her organs were slowly shutting down. Organ prolapse or something like that. Her organs were just slowly dying. It was an unheard thing, but still it happened to our family. She was expected to live til at least middle age. She was excused from almost everything. She wasnt allowed to lift anything heavy. She wasnt allowed to play rough. She wasnt allowed to do anything except what the doctor said. We had been relieved.

I was ten when Alice was born. My parents had been happy back then. They had smiled and acted as a couple should. Now there was nothing but tears and muffled shouts from behind locked doors. Alice was now eight years old. She was slowly dying. And it all was because of me.

I used to live in Alaska. A small town near Anchorage. Two years ago i was sixteen without a care in the world. Sure, my little sister was sick but she seemed alright to me. She still ran around like any other little girl i had seen. I never really thought about her illness at all. I was self centered and the only thing that mattered was my life.

At sixteen i had only one real thing on my mind. Girls. I was obsessed with them and they were with me. I had money, good looks, and a grace about me. I never had any trouble getting any girl that i wanted. Except one.

Her name was Heather and she was the most beautiful girl i had ever known. Her eyes were the color of the sea, surrounded by a halo of blonde hair. I had never been so infatuated with anyone as i was with her. But the real kicker was, was Heather didnt want me.

I tried hard every day to impress her. Did stupid things, said stupid things, anything to try and win her favor. It never worked. She would look at me with those pouty lips and just stare with disdain. I never did anything right in her eyes. I brought flowers to school and left them in her locker. Later i found them in the trash can outside the school. This girl was sure to be my undoing.

For weeks i followed her around like a lost puppy. Me, Edward Cullen, following another girl like i was a lost dog? My friends scorned me everyday. I shrugged them off. I couldnt get Heather off of my mind. She was the one thing i wanted more than anything. I had to have her. I needed to have her.

One school day, i overheard her talking about going to a party. It was just a winter solstice party that happened every year. It was hosted this year at a dude named Brad's place. I was excited to hear this. I never really had any time with Heather except in school. I never had the chance to see her out of this context. Maybe i could show her that she did want me. That she in fact needed me. It was a foolish idea.

That night i begged my parents to let me use the family car. I made up some story about a study date with some friends. My parents knew of the winter solstice party but didnt say anything. They themselves were kids once. I got the keys easily and i felt nothing but pure joy. Heather would be mine, i could just feel it!

Alice was six at the time. She followed me around for hours begging me to not leave.

"You promised you'd watch pretty ponies with me!" she cried. I hated that stupid pony movie more than anything. She made me watch it with her so many times i could recite it word for word.

I pulled her aside, "I'll be home in a little and then we will. Wait for me?" i asked. Her eyes were wide eyed as she answered.

"Of course! I love you Eddy." she said as she snuggled close to me. I had to choke down the guilt i felt. I wouldnt be home for hours. My parents would put her to bed before i returned. I just didnt have the heart to tell her this. My only thought was on that girl.

I made it to the party just fine. I was all nervous and anxious. I didnt understand why Heather had this big of a hold on me. Maybe it was because she wasnt like the rest. She was beautiful and so angelic. She didnt chase me. In fact she acted like she hated me. I didnt understand why.

I met up with a few friends and the party started to pick up. I scanned the crowd at all times to try and glimpse when Heather arrived. She had to be here! She wouldnt say she was coming if she wouldnt be here. I laughed and joked with my friends but always kept an eye out. Eventually alcohol was getting passed around. I ended up with a cup in my hand.

I took a drink and instantly felt more relaxed. Maybe this was what i needed. I drank until the cup was empty. My head was light weight and i felt so much better. I found more cups, and drank until the world was blurry. I had never had so much fun in my life.

I didnt even realize when Heather actually came over to join my small party of friends. It was just me, Johnny, Ted, and James. She came over and linked her arm through Ted's. I felt instant jealousy threaten to wash over me. I stumbled back and splashed my drink over James who laughed. Funny this was, was i wasnt laughing.

"What are you doing?" i slurred to Ted.

Ted was just as intoxicated as i was. "What do you mean?" he replied. He had just noticed Heather. He smiled up at her in a goofy way. I wanted to hurt him.

"You know i like that girl." i said.

Ted laughed, "Everyone likes this girl Eddy. Relax."

I lurched forward a hit Ted in the jaw. He fell back, pushing everyone away. I stood over him and kicked him one time in the side. All i could hear was the blood swooshing through my veins. When i stepped back i heard the crowd was now silent. Heather knelt down next to Ted.

"What is wrong with you Edward?" she hissed at me.

"I...was just.." i stammered. I couldnt think straight.

She looked down at Ted who was trying to sit up. "Dont you get it! I dont want you and i never will. All you do is walk around with a huge stick up your ass and expect everyone to bow down to you. Well im not fooled by it! Your nothing but a fake!" She screamed into my face. In my inebriated state i couldnt really place together what she was saying.

"Im not fake." i said weakly.

"Yes you are. Your the most fake person around here. Nobody really likes you, do you know that? Were all sick of your narcissistic ways. Nobody really likes you Edward. Nobody."

I stepped back. Heather was helping Ted up from the floor. Was what she said true? Did nobody really like me? I turned my head to my remaining friends. They all had their eyes downcast. Was this really true?

I pushed my way through the crowd. I needed some fresh air. I stumbled out onto the porch and vomited over the side. My insides were rolling. I heaved once more and then leaned against the rail.

How could anyone not like me? I was funny, smart, and over all just awesome? I didnt want to believe their words. I couldnt believe their words. Sure, i made girls cry and made some people's lives hell. But didnt everyone do that? I was popular, that was my job? Wasnt it? Why did i make fun of those inferior? I had already everything i could want. Why did i hurt others? Did i like hurting others? No, not really. It just was what guys like me did. Guys who had it all tore down those who didnt. It was the way of things.

I was nothing but a big bully.

I unsteadily made my way for my dads car. I didnt want to be here anymore. I found the car and opened the door. My thoughts swimming inside my head. Heather's face was the worst. Seeing the digust in her eyes. I put more pressure on the gas pedal. I didnt even really see where i was going. I barely knew where i was until i was almost home. Somehow i had made it there. I could see my driveway.

I pulled in too fast and because i was drunk, i didnt see her there.

Alice was sitting in the drive way waiting. Her pink pony clutched in her arms. I never seen her wide eyes as i pulled in. The only thing i heard was her brief scream. Going as fast as i did, i didnt just nudge her, i struck her. Alls i remember is brief flashes of cop lights, and the ambulance as it sped away. I didnt see them taking Alice. I didnt see anything but my moms tear stained face and my dads angry glare. I had failed them all.

They took Alice to the hospital and tried to repair what they could. The damage was beyond their help. They could only save what they could. Alice's legs were shattered. Her organs were damaged more than before. Her organs were not going to be able to function properly. Not that they were functioning well before. But the impact had worsened her already bad condition. Her organs were shutting down even faster. Alice was now invalid and dying. I had just done the most unforgivable thing. I had condemned my sister to an early grave.

Over the next few days i learned alot of things. I learned that i, Edward, was a complete failure. That my sister loved me with all her heart and look what i had done to her. My dad hated my guts. The whole town hated my guts. Pretty soon everyone in my town knew me for what i was. A child killer.

Sure, Alice wasnt going to die now. But she would soon, and it was all my fault.

We stayed in Alaska for two years. Just enough time to make sure Alice was okay to father had taken care of Alice the whole time. And now there was nothing to be done. She had lived in the hospital for most of those two years. But now it was getting close and my dad didnt want Alice dying in the hospital. My dad could do just as good as the hospital could. So my mom made the decision. We packed up our belongings and off we went. We moved to a small town called Forks. My mother had wanted a nice quiet place away from all the troubles in Alaska. She wanted somewhere peaceful, serene, for Alice to die. This was not a town of hopeful beginnings, this was a town of death.

Thats why we took these trips to the research facility. In the blind hopes that sometime soon some amazing doctor would be able to figure out a cure. That he could somehow cure Alice's failing organs and somehow return her to the little girl we once knew. I knew my parents blamed me for it. They had accepted that Alice would die younger than normal, but not this young.

My mother had forgiven me after a year of brutal yelling and screams. It was Alice who made her forgive me. She had told my mother that it wasnt my fault. That one sentence had torn my heart in two. Because no matter what she said, it was all my fault. Alice should have never been in the driveway. She was out there because of me. I had promised to watch her movie with her and i had lied. So she waited by the window until my parents were asleep. Then snuck out to wait for me. She had brought her stuffed animal to help her not be afraid. She had sat there for hours before i came along...

Nothing could erase my guilt.

My father on the other hand. Would never forgive me. He had said it himself. He only looked at me when he had too and never spoke unless he had too. My father hated me with everything that he had. I couldnt even blame him. Alice was his baby girl. She was his everything and i had taken her away. I had taken everything away.

So here we were. A emotionally distraught family on their way to a fool's errand. This day would end in nothing but tears. It should have been me beyond repair, not her. This life was not fair. Why should the innocent suffer? I would be paying for this sin for the rest of my life. I would still be carrying this burden, as i should be, long after Alice's ashes have blown away.

* * *

 **Authors note: Sorry for the long wait! Been busy with a thing we call life. What a chapter... kind of a tear jerker i'd say.. More to come in the following days. Stay tuned and Thanks for Reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Bella**_

Today was Saturday, the La Push trip was today. I tried to be eager about it but i wasnt much into the whole hanging out thing. I never really hung out with anyone. I was more of a loner that stuck to myself. Well, things are bound to change sometime might as well be now. I dressed casually in a hoodie and jeans. You never knew when it was going to rain here in Forks.

It was almost time for Mike to pick me up. I walked outside to the sidewalk and waited. It didnt take long before Mike pulled up in his moms sedan.

"Hop in!" he says after he rolled down the window. I couldnt help myself, i smiled. I walked over and slid into the passenger seat. His smile was wide and contagious.

"Im so glad you could come Bella! This will be fun, just you wait and see!" he exclaimed excitedly. I was amazed such energy could be contained in one person. I dont think i have ever been that excited before. Maybe this evening will turn out better then expected.

We started heading in the wrong direction to La Push.

"Ugh, this is the wrong way." i say politely.

"Oh i forgot to mention, were picking up Jessica too. Hope thats not a problem!" he gushed. _Ugh, Jessica._ That girl didnt like me and i had no idea why. I dont recall ever doing her wrong before. But she acted like i had the plague or something. I tried to appear happy even though i felt dismay in my stomach.

Mike pulled up into a wide driveway. The house was only a few houses down so i knew that it indeed was the Jessica i didnt like. Except where my house was run down hers was a sign of wealth. She wasnt rich, but she wasnt poor off like me. I thought she was just a snob.

Jessica was smiling as she walked out of her front door, but her smile soon faded when she seen me. She reluctantly got into the back seat. Mike engaged her as soon as she got in the car. I remained silent and looked out the window. This was sure to be a long car ride...

When we finally reached the reservation i was a little more happier. I hated that car ride from hell. When Mike parked i jumped straight out into the clean sea air. How i loved the smell of the water. A few yards down the beach i could see a group of people all huddled around a fire. Mike motioned for me to come along. I followed him at a slow pace. I was nervous.

I didnt know half of the people here. I looked around the campfire at all the faces. There were a few i knew from school but a few that could only have come from the reservation itself. One was a guy who was a little younger then me with dark skin and dark hair. His eyes never left mine. Did i know him somehow? I didnt think so.

I sat down beside Mike and watched everyone around me. It felt good to be around all the laughter and smiles. I really wasnt used to this kind of thing. I was used to being alone. It felt good to be around real live human beings. I had been hiding in my house for too long.

Jessica quickly engaged Mike and i just sat there not saying a word. I wasnt familiar with anyone else so i didnt want to be rude and interrupt. I didnt have the confidence to just jump right in and say 'hello'. I sat back instead and just watched everyone else.

The group were all smiles and jokes. They apparently knew each other well. I was glad to be a part of it. The dark skinned boy i noticed earlier came walking forward. He plopped himself right in the sand next to me. I could feel the heat from his skin from here. I unconsciously moved over a little.

"Your Isabella right? Isabella Swan?" he asked. His brown eyes looking into mine.

"Yes..I prefer Bella though" i replied. He smiled and extended my hand to me.

"My names Jacob. My dad Billy used to be good friends with your dad, before he..." he dropped the sentence. I felt a blush creeping up. I tried to remember anyone named Billy that i had heard of. Suddenly i knew the connection.

"Oh hows your sister Rebecca?" i asked. Hoping that was the right Billy.

"She's doing very well. Got married in fact." he said. His smile returned to his face. "You remember me then?"

"Not really. I remember your sister, but that was a long time ago." i say.

"Yes it was. Hows your dad doing now a days?" he asked politely.

"Oh, hes good."

"Your mom?"

"Wonderful. She works down at the grocery in town."

He smiled and looked around the fire. "Are these your friends?"

"No, just the guy i came over with. He's the one who invited me."

"Bella your always welcome down here. Listen i know there was some things about your dad... but that still dont erase what he has done. Your always welcome on the Rez." he says.

I smile a genuine smile, "Thanks Jacob that means alot."

"Anytime, maybe i'll come up and see your dad sometime." he asked.

"I dont think thats a good idea.." i stammer.

He took in my worried look and shrugged. "I was using that as an excuse to come see you."

 _Huh? Me? Whatever for?_

"You dont need an excuse for that?" i say laughing a little. _My attempt at flirting._

Jacob smiled, "Well alright, then how about i come over tomorrow? We could catch up, do whatever."

I was still smiling, "Sure, you remember where we still live?"

"I sure do. How about mid afternoon? That sound good to you?" he asked.

"Sure, i will be home."

Jacob smiled and stood up. He shook the sand from his jeans and walked back towards his friends. I still was smiling like an idiot. What was wrong with me? Behaving like this over a family friend. Jacob obviously just cares about my dad. But then why did it feel like he was flirting with me a little? Maybe i was just going crazy. It didnt help that he was kinda cute.

I enjoyed the rest of the night. Mostly everyone ignored me but some tried to speak to me. Overall it wasnt a bad day. At least i had Jacob coming over tomorrow to spice things up. I got into Mike's car with a smile on my face. The car ride back didnt even bother me as much as it did before. I really didnt care. Jessica got in the front seat and kept Mike's attention. I sat in the back and just enjoyed the ride. When we pulled up to my ramshackle house i leaned forward.

"Thanks for inviting me Mike. I had such a great time!" i said.

Mike smiled and turned toward me. "Dont mention it. It was nice having you there! We shall have to do it again sometime!"

I smiled and exited the vehicle. Jessica apparently wasnt too happy Mike had spoke to me. What was wrong with her?

When i entered the house i went straight to my bed room. I couldnt believe it, i actually felt happy. I was becoming a part of something i had never known before. I was wanted. I had some friends, a new outlook, and a new way of thinking. I was not alone anymore. Yeah things werent exactly my way, but they were looking up and thats all i had ever wanted.

And to make my nerves all outta wack, Jacob was coming over tomorrow. I have never had a guy over at my house! It wasnt just any guy though, it was a family friend. That didnt make it any less nerve wracking! I was excited over the company itself. There didnt have to be anything more than that. I liked Jacob. He seemed easy to talk to. I really didnt have too many people to talk to.

I laid on my bed still with a stupid smile on my face. I just couldnt believe that i could ever be happy. Yet here i am, smiling like an idiot. I never knew how much just a few hours with friends could do for me. I was not sitting in the house hating my existence anymore. Maybe there was a chance after all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bella**

I woke up early. I needed time to make sure i was composed to see Jacob. It was a sunny day for Forks so i decided to dress warm. I didnt know what he wanted to do so i just paced nervously. I hadnt heard from Edward since school on Friday. I had sent him a text but he didnt reply. I didnt worry to much about it. Either he was busy with his 'family' thing or he didnt want to talk to me. Either way i wasnt going to freak out over it.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. My dad was watching some NASCAR race. I was too nervous to really do anything but watch. I didnt know if i should mention Jacob coming to my dad or not. I didnt know how he would take that. He already had downed two beers by then. I didnt want to aggravate him so i said nothing. He looked at me once with raised eyebrows when i sat down but went back to his show.

It seemed like the hours were dragging along so slowly. I wondered what he wanted to come over for? Was he just being nice? I havent seen him since we were kids. I didnt even really remember him at all. I played with his sister more than i did with him. Rebecca and i didnt even get along that well. I just would have to wait and see.

The hours ticked along. When it was 1 o'clock i decided to go outside and wait. I didnt know when he was coming. Jacob has just said mid afternoon. I left my dad on the couch. He was apparently passed out, i decided not to wake him. I didnt want to face his wrath at being woken up. I opened the door and walked onto the porch. I sat down on the porch swing and waited.

The sun was shining nicely through the trees. Or maybe it was just my new state of mind. I felt different somehow. I felt happy. It was a new feeling to me. I wasnt used to this kind of thing. Men didnt come around my house for me. My mom usually had guys around but that was her. My dad apparently didnt notice or didnt care. I wondered why they even were still together.

I didnt want a relationship like that. Where it was more harm being around each other than being alone. I had been alone my whole life and i didnt want to be alone anymore. I felt pity for my parents but they were adults. They had to fix their problems not me. I had my own problems to deal with.

I started to doze off when i heard the sound of an engine. It sounded like a cow was dying. A red bulbous truck pulled up into my driveway. I could see Jacob's smiling face behind the wheel. I couldnt help it, i started smiling myself. I jumped off the porch and went over.

"What is that thing?" i said laughing.

Jacob grimaced, "Hey this is a very reliable old friend."

"Thats right, it is old. Whats the speed on that? Ten miles an hour?" i say.

"Hey now, dont be picking on me and my truck. Billy wont let me get another one until this breaks down."

"So its a punishment?" i say.

"No...well maybe. But hey it runs alright and thats what counts!"

I laughed and he laughed with me. I loved the sound of his laugh. It was deep and sounded raw somehow. How even old was he? He had to be younger than me but he was a few feet taller than me. Which didnt say much cause i was short. I leaned against the truck.

"So what did you have in mind for today?" i asked.

His eyes looked around the house. I could see him taking in the ramshackle building. My father had let the house go a long time ago. The siding needed repair and the grass mowed.

"Whatever you like. I wanted to come spend time with you." he says.

Words like that choke me up. I didnt know what to say. He noticed my appearance and chuckled. "Bells dont be so nervous. Were family friends remember?"

I nodded and somehow found my voice. "I guess thats true. I just never really had someone say something like that."

"Like what? Flirt?" he says.

"Yes..."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Well if you dont like it then..."

"No!" i say a little too loud, "I do."

Jacob grins wildy at that. "Well then hop in, i got an idea."

I smile and walk around the vehicle and get inside the passenger side. I slip my seat belt on and Jacob starts the truck. I felt giddy with excitement. I wasnt used to this kind of thing at all. It almost made me so happy i could scream. I felt normal. More normal than i had felt in a long time.

Jacob pulled out and started heading back toward the Rez. He turned the radio on to a station and started singing along. I would be lying if i said i didnt enjoy the sound of his voice. He made me feel normal. It had been so long since i have ever felt normal. I owed him so much for this.

After a half hour he pulls over beside a little house. Where was i? I got out and Jacob motions for me to follow. I follow him up the rickety steps and into the house. A old man in a wheelchair was sitting in front of a small tv.

"Hey dad look whos here to visit." Jacob says.

The man moves his chair around and smiles when he sees me. "Is that Isabella?"

I blush, "Yes hi Billy."

Billy asks me questions about my dad which i stumble through as best as i can. He notices my hesitation but doesnt question it. Jacob grabs my hand and leads me outside. I was too awed to do anything but follow. He leads me around the back. A huge garage is back there with its door open. He leads me inside. There is a Volkswagen rabbit sitting on lifters.

Jacob opens the hood and peers inside. Alls i see is metal upon metal. What on earth could he be doing in there?

"Are you fixing the car or something?" i ask.

"Yeah, im hoping the truck gives out and i can have this fixed up nice. Just needs a few parts that im missing."

Jacob knew how to fix cars? At his age?

"Ugh Jacob how old are you?" i ask.

"Sixteen." he replies, his head still under the hood. Jacob was sixteen and was bigger than a tree. He also knew how to fix cars. I dont think i have ever heard of that in my life. Most younger guys are out chasing girls not in a garage somewhere. I had to say i was impressed.

We spent the day in his garage messing around. He was easy to talk too and he smiled often. I loved the way he smiled. He noticed my withdrawn attitude and didnt try and make me feel weird about it. He just engaged me when he could and when he couldnt he just engaged himself. He was honestly a treasure all in himself.

When the sun was finally setting, Jacob grabbed a towel and cleaned the grease off. "Think its time you went back?" he asked.

I really didnt want to go but i didnt say it. "Sure"

"I had fun today. I know most girls want to hang out at the mall but i thought it was cool you actually helped me."

I laughed, "I stood around handing you things that i had no idea what they were!"

He laughed at that, "But you still helped."

He walked me back to the truck. I got in and he drove me home. He chit chatted with me the entire way back. When we pulled into my driveway i actually didnt want to get out of the car. I would miss the happiness i had recieved. I would have to go into my chaotic house and wait til tomorrow when i could leave it. I would see Edward tomorrow, so i guess that was a good thing. I grabbed for the door handle when i felt Jacob's hand on my arm.

"Bells?"

"Yes." i say a little flustered. His hand was very warm on my skin.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes Jacob, im very good. Today was more fun than i have had in awhile. Why?"

He looked away from me. "No reason. I hope to see you soon. I had an awesome day. Say hi to Charlie for me."

I nod and open the trucks door. I climbed out and waved as Jacob pulled out of the driveway. I felt sad all of a sudden. I had spent a day in a situation where i wasnt put down. I didnt feel weak or inferior with Jacob. He actually made me feel like i belonged. That was more than anyone else had done. I liked his company more than i was willing to admit. I really did appreciate his company, even if i never get to see him again. I still had this day.

I walked into the house, my mood quickly crashing. My father was still sprawled out on the couch. A can in his hand that hung over the sofa. I wish i didnt have to come home to this every day. I walked over quietly and turned the tv off. My dad didnt even move. I walked up the stairs and went into my little bedroom. I pulled my clothes off and changed into my jammies. My mother was no where to be seen. She was either working late or out with someone. It was none of my business anyway.

I laid in my bed and tried to think properly. I was friends with Edward, or was i? That boy sure did act weird sometimes. At one moment i thought maybe we were close and then the next we werent. He acted distant in class but i cant get over that time we went out to eat. He was normal. He laughed and smiled and treated me like an equal. But at school he was someone else entirely. He walked around like he really didnt care but i knew better. He cared more than anyone. But why did he act like that for? What was his secret?

And Jacob, he was a gift all by himself. I really didnt understand. Did i talk differently? Did i act differently? I was the same i had always been. Why were people treating me so different now all of a sudden? I was included, maybe not all the way, but enough for me to be okay with. I actually hung out more this week with friends than ever before. I was not the same Bella Swan. I looked down at myself. I hadnt done anything different with myself. Still same brown hair, same face, same body. I wasnt any thinner was i? No, i didnt think so. Why now were people treating me like the person i am? Maybe i was just lucky.

It had taken me years to finally be accepted. How would i handle it if things went back to the way they were before? Would i be okay? No, probably not. I missed already the laughs and smiles. I missed the conversation and the feeling of belonging. Some people had this everyday. All those pretty girls, they never had to know what it feels like to be alone. They walk around and people flock to them like birds. They have never known what it feels like to be unwanted. It is not a good feeling.

Did i deserve any of the abuse? From my parents to the people around me, all i had suffered was abuse. Thats all i have ever known. But here i was still fighting and for once in my life, things were changing. I was no longer the girl who sat at home, i was the girl who laughed. I was the girl who smiled. I loved this new me and i hoped to be this person for the rest of my life. For those who dont know how it feels i wish they never know. This is not something anyone wishes on another. I was just happy that it was finally my chance. That now i was not the girl who i used to be. The girl who smiled instead of cried.

My mood was always like this. Usually i was sad all the time. I had every reason to be sad. I just wondered why now all of a sudden things were changing for me. When would they start returning to the normal way things were? Where i was alone and sad. I really didnt want to return to that. I seen what the other side had and now i didnt want to go back. I liked having friends and a life.

I liked going to school every day eager for the day to begin. I liked having Mike to chat to at lunch. I liked all the things that this year has brought me. I havent been made fun of yet, i havent been ridiculed yet, i actually was happy. This year definitely was different than the last few. Things were starting to look up for me. I just didnt want to be there when my hopes crashed and burned...

If they crashed and burned...

* * *

 **Authors note: Too all my lovely fans, i thank you. I love writing this as much as you love reading it.**

 **We all can relate somehow to this i believe...**

 **More to come, stay tuned. and once again, Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Edward**

"Just shut up!" I screamed into my mothers face. Her eyes looked wild at my outburst. What can i say? She deserved it. I grabbed my keys off the counter and slammed the door behind me. What a way to start the morning. Why did she always have to start on me? Every day she always just tried to talk to me. I was tired of her trying to make is seem like everything was okay. Things were not okay.

I unlocked my car and got inside. Maybe i would just drive myself over a cliff and make everyone happy. I was so angry. I was angry at everything! Yesterday at the clinic nothing had happened. No new information, not a damn thing. It was the same as it always is. There was nothing we could do for Alice. I couldnt stand seeing her laying in her bed so miserable. I was sickened at the sight of her small withered hands. How desperately i wished i could just make it all okay.

I would give anything to make Alice okay. To see her smile and run around like she used to do. Why do people miss things only after they are gone? I took for granted her smiles and laughter. Now she smiled less and was in pain more. I should have been the big brother. I should have protected her and instead i was the source of it.

I jammed my key into the ignition and revved real loud for my mother to hear. Hopefully she would hear it and worry. It would do good for her to worry. _No i shouldnt blame her._ This wasnt her fault. I pulled out of the drive and made my way to school. I would be late if i didnt leave now.

The whole ride there all i could think about was that blasted town in Alaska. _Right before i left i had went over to James house to say good bye. James was my best friend. Or so i had thought. When i got there, him and the boys were sitting out back. I walked around the house and waved at them half hearted. They didnt even really acknowledge me._

 _"Hey guys, my plane leaves soon." i say. They dont even stop to listen. I walk towards James and sit beside him. He looks over at me. His green eyes hold nothing._

 _"You guys even going to miss me?" i say a little angrily. I didnt forgive them for that night either. They should have stuck up for me. I thought thats what friends did?_

 _"Yeah dude." he said softly._

 _"Why havent you guys tried calling me or anything? I've been calling for days now."_

 _"Been busy...you know how it is." James replied._

 _"No i dont!" i say angrily, "Not one of you have even bothered to come see me or my sister!" I say loudly and gesture to the rest of the group. They finally stopped chatting and turned to me. I could see no friendly faces. Were these the same boys who i spent all of my summers with? The same boys who spent the night at my house watching movies and talking about girls?_

 _"Listen Eddy, maybe you should just go." Ted says slowly standing up._

 _"Screw you Ted. I thought you guys were my friends." i say trying to bite back my bitterness._

 _Ted raised an eyebrow, "You want us to feel sorry for you?"_

 _"No i want my friends."_

 _"Edd you never had friends. It was always about you." Ted says._

 _"Thats not true." i sputter._

 _"And you had a tantrum and hit your sister with your car. I feel bad for that little girl man." James says from behind me. I whirl around and stop myself from hitting him._

 _"That was an accident." i say trying to hold back my tears of anger._

 _"Hey dude, dont be crying for yourself, cry for her. I think thats messed up what you did. We all do." Johnny finally says._

 _"But i didnt do it on purpose!" i try saying to defend myself._

 _"We dont want to be seen around the child killer. You understand. Its best if you just leave." Ted says with his arms crossed._

 _What is this? These guys i called friends? You have to be kidding me. I was down at my weakest and they didnt give a shit. Well screw these losers._

 _"Fine, you guys were losers anyway." I say and start to walk away._

 _"Eddy you might want to do some thinking. The real loser is the one who refuses to see that he lost." James calls after me. I left there trying to hold back my anger and tears._

That was years ago, but i never forgot the looks on their faces. I never forgot the faces of anyone. Everywhere i went, people pointed and shook their heads. I was the failure and i knew it. I had made a mistake. I was suffering because of this mistake. I knew what i did wasnt right. But there was nothing i could do to change it. I would give my life for Alice's. My life didnt matter worth a damn. Couldnt anyone see this?

I had tried to take my life. After my friends had deserted me. I had felt completely lost. I didnt know what to do. My mother had been the one to save my miserable excuse for a life.

 _She found me passed out on my bedroom floor. I had swallowed as many pills as i could find. I still remember her screams for my father._

 _"Carlisle! Carlisle!"_

 _My father, being a doctor, had ran into the room. Got me to throw up and took care of me until they got me to the hospital. He had carried me in his arms and i thought maybe he had forgiven me. Except when i woke up in the hospital, he was never there. He had never been there._

Maybe i should have just died there. Today was definetly going to be a bad day. I really didnt want to go to class. Too many memories are inside my head today. But i couldnt give up on life, Alice needed me too much. And when she is gone, i wont be needed anymore..

I pulled into the school parking lot. I arrived just before the bell rang. I got out the car and locked it. I put my head down and walked for homeroom. I was used to the looks and the stares. I didnt want their eyes on me today. I just wanted to be alone. They didnt know the pain i carried with me everywhere, nor do they care.

I made it all the way through the day with no incident. I talked to my sports buddies, i ate lunch with my crew, and i acted indifferent to all the girls who came up to talk to me. I kept my feelings well buried and deep down. Where no one could see them. No one ever even bothered. I wasnt too excited for Art, Bella would be there.

I didnt know how i felt about this girl. I liked her but i also detested her. Back at my old school, girls like her were only good for one thing. Laughs. That is mean but it is what it is. But for some reason i wasnt the same person anymore. I didnt want to hurt her. I didnt want to make jokes about her. What did she do to deserve that?

The truth of it is, is people are mean. And i was one of them.

I walked into the room and spotted her sitting at our table. Her hair was up and she was doodling away in her book. I seen a few girls giggling and pointing at her. For some reason, this made me mad. I looked at them right in the eye and made a point in sitting close to Bella. Bella looked up at me, as if she didnt believe her eyes. I smiled a little.

"How are you today?" i ask politely.

She looked down, "Good. How was your weekend?"

"Great, just great."

She looked up into my eyes. I never really noticed but her eyes were kinda beautiful. They were a regular brown but for some reason...

The teacher snapped me out of my thoughts. He started the class off normally. I pretended to listen. I had too many thoughts going on in my head. I couldnt get Alice out of my mind. My thoughts were just dark. I needed to just go home and be with her. Hold her little hand in mine and just pray.

Bella and i worked on our project for the rest of the class. I had taken some pictures of my piano, a snap of my back yard, a snap of the trees when it rains. She hadnt said a word when i gave them to her. I was letting her pretty much dictate where this project was going. She was the artist not me.

When class ended i said a quick good bye. I had too many thoughts running through my head. I made it through all my classes until gym. I was in the locker room changing when i heard some voices.

"Did you see the fat girl? Whats her name?"

"Bella?" another voice replied.

"Yeah thats her name! Could you imagine being with a whale like that? I wonder what her parents feed her."

I was only dressed in my shorts, i went around the locker and grabbed the kid by the shirt.

"Dont say that shit!" i said into his face. The kid was a scrawny kid a grade under. His eyes were wide. He tried stuttering a reply. I dropped him.

"Leave Bella alone. Shes actually a nice girl and doesnt deserve that." i say into their faces. I turned around and went back to my locker. I heard soft snickers from the guys in the room. They couldnt understand why i would defend her. I didnt care what they thought. It wasnt right.

That would have been me...if it wasnt for Alice. I would still be the same self centered tool i had always been. It took my life crashing down around me to finally understand. I didnt know how i was going to make it through this last class. I was too angry and upset. I made it through the best i could. Just put all my energy into what the gym teacher said. At the end of it, i didnt even change my clothes. I just grabbed my stuff from my locker and rushed out the doors.

It had started to rain. I couldnt hold the tears anymore. _Dammit._ I would get ridiculed if anyone seen me like this. I kept my head down and practically ran for my car. I couldnt even see straight. I couldnt get the thoughts out of my head. I felt bad for screaming at my mother. She was only trying to not be crushed by this weight we all carried. I was the one who caused this in the first place. It was all my fault.

I yanked my car door open and climbed inside. I was soaked through. I hadnt even bothered to put on my jacket. I was still in my gym clothes. I was such a mess and i didnt think i could drive safely. Today was just a bad day for me. I shouldnt have even come to school today. I should have just stayed home with Alice. She brought me comfort, and grief. Oh how i loved her. I needed time to relax. I put my head on the steering wheel and tried to calm down. Thats when i heard it.

 _Tap. Tap._

I looked up, my eyes red and puffy and tried to see out the fogged window. I was sorta bewildered at who i found on the other side of the glass.

* * *

 **Authors note: Edward POV. Thought you guys might have missed him :p This story is just starting up. There will be many more things to come. Thanks for all the support. Means the world to me. I have never had the courage to really post the stories i write. But im glad i finally did.**

 **Enjoy!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Edward**

I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my t shirt. _What a time for me to be bothered._ I rolled the window down. Bella's brown eyes loomed at me from outside the car. Rain dripped down over the door and into the car. Today's weather was attuned with my mood apparently.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah im fine." i mumble.

"You dont look fine." she says taking in my red eyes and shaking hands.

"Im fine..." i say trying to look away.

She was standing out in the rain getting soaked by the minute. Why wasnt she on her bus going home? I knew she didnt have her own car. The buses would have left by now.

"Why arent you on the bus?" i ask.

She looked around the parking lot. "Oh, i didnt really think. I seen you running like the devil across the parking lot in your gym shorts. I thought something was wrong."

 _Gah, why did she have to notice me. Maybe i should have changed first before running to my car._

"Well im fine...no need to worry." i say.

Her eyes told me that she was indeed worrying. I could see her eyebrows knitted in concentration. What was i to do? She wasnt stupid. I couldnt say the tears were the rain. She obviously watched my mad dash across the parking lot. She knew enough about me to know something was wrong. She had missed her bus because she was worried about me. I had no other choice.

"Hop in." i said. She missed the buses by now and i couldnt leave her here in the rain. And for some reason she was bringing me comfort. Comfort in a time that i desperately needed it. She saw me and tried to come help. I couldnt just leave her here. She hesitated just a fraction before walking over to the passenger side and climbing in. I rolled up the window and started the car.

She sat silently beside me. She was starting to make me nervous. Why wasnt she saying anything? Have i freaked her out? Did she think i was some unbalanced kid with mental problems? _Probably._ I didnt want to listen to the radio so the car was eerily silent. I tapped my thumbs on the steering wheel as i maneuvered out of the school parking lot. She was silent until we got into town.

"Its okay to cry you know." she says almost whispering.

"What?" i say.

"Its okay to cry..." she replies.

So she had seen and noticed that i was crying. _Great, just Great._

"I wasnt crying.. had something in my eye." i say.

Her eyes turned to me in a mock disbelief. I couldnt help it, i laughed. What was it about her that made me feel relaxed? She didnt try and act like the other girls. She didnt bat her eyelashes and say things like the other girls. She was normal. She didnt try and act like she was better than anyone else. I liked her for her originality.

Most girls my age only care about their hair, their make up, and the hottest guy they can find. It was a bit stupid really. There was more to life then just yourself. There was Alice...

At the thought of her, my eyes started to water. Today was just a day for tears. I was having trouble seeing out of my eyes. Bella quickly noticed the situation.

"Pull over Edward!" she cried. I pulled over by the side of the road. I couldnt control it any longer. I started to cry. I cried for Alice, i cried for my parents, i cried for my friends who really werent my friends, i cried for everything that has happened in these past few years. I cried over my stupidity in acting like a fool over a girl. I cried the hardest over what i had done to my sister. It felt as if the pain would just eat me alive.

Bella let me cry. She didnt do anything but lay her hand on my shoulder. We were in a car so she couldnt do much else. It didnt matter, i was fine with that one small gesture. I needed someone to be there for me. I had no one else. I cried until i couldnt cry anymore. My breath wheezed inside my chest. I couldnt see straight and my heart just hurt. Bella continued to hold onto me. I leaned over and allowed her to put her arm around me.

I cant say how amazing it felt being there beside her. Her warm body pressed into mine. I could smell the scent of lavender in her hair. I sobbed into her shoulder. This wasnt what a man did. I would feel ashamed of it later. But for now i just enjoyed the moment. I leaned pressed against her for what seemed like forever. Her arms never left from around me. I couldnt even begin to say how much that meant to me.

When i at last got my thoughts under control i leaned away. She let her arms drop and she just sat there waiting. Most girls would have bothered me the second i started crying. Bella was waiting for me to speak. She was definitely something different. I took some deep breaths before i spoke.

"Im sorry." i say.

She pats my arm, "Dont mention it. We all have to break down sometime."

I look at her and i see something that i have never noticed before. Her eyes held sadness as well. Why had i never noticed that? What could be troubling her? My own thoughts were abandoned for the moment.

"Are you okay Bella?" i ask. I was genuinely concerned.

"I will be fine. Been doing better these last few days actually." she replied. I could believe it. She seemed happier, but there was still sadness in her eyes. I wondered what was causing her pain? I didnt to see her hurting. Bella wasnt the one to take everything for herself. She wasnt one to whine and complain. She took what was given to her and did the best she could with it. A lot of people could learn from this girl.

I smiled weakly. "Well thats great to hear. I just am having one of those days."

She nodded as if she understood. Maybe she did. Maybe she had those days more often than i did. I wouldnt know because we both hid our stories well. I could look into her eyes and see the wounded animal because i was a wounded animal too. I seen things in the same dark way that she did. We were not those regular kids who seen everything through a sugar glamour. We seen things the way they were. We seen the truth. And the truth hurt.

Why shouldnt i let her in? I could be friends with her. Screw what other people thought. She was the one here for me not anyone else. She has provided more than anyone else had in this town. There was nothing wrong with Bella. I could be friends with her easy. Screw what anyone said about it. I was going to be friends with her. I just had to show her some things first. Let her know what i hide inside me. Then she can be the one to decide if she wants to be friends with me after all.

I had pulled up beside her house. The rain was falling thickly around me. I was nervous, what if she didnt want to go? She didnt have too but i was hoping that she would. I missed having close friends. I had thought James was my best friend and he turned on me without even trying to understand. I didnt want any false friends anymore. Those school friends were just that, school friends. I wouldnt tell those people anything. But i felt like Bella could be trusted.

"Hey Bella?" i ask nervously. It has been a long time since i have talked to another person about any of this.

"Yes?" she says.

"Do you mind coming to my house with me?"

She hesitated, "Sure.." I could tell she was curious as to why.

"I just have something to tell you and i'd prefer if you seen something before i did."

"Oh okay." she says.

I drove past her house and turned around. I was going to bring her to my home. My mom would be home and i knew she'd like to meet any friends of mine. I hoped she wouldnt mind what i was planning to do. I didnt want fake friends anymore. I would present everything to Bella and let her make that choice. No more hiding things. If Bella thought i was a monster after, than thats what it was. I was tired of hiding everything from everyone.

I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone to understand my pain. I needed someone to tell me that i wasnt the monster that i felt i was. I was hoping that Bella would be that person. I hoped that she would listen and tell me what she thought. I was hoping that it would be different from what all the others have said.

All i heard in my head every day were these words.

 _Child killer. Child killer. Child killer._

No one has forgiven me for what i did. Not completely. I was hoping that someone would understand what happened and realize that it wasnt all my fault. I was hoping for someone to tell me that i wasnt the terrible person i thought i was. Inside i felt like poison. Slowly killing everything that i loved. I wanted just one person to tell me otherwise. I hoped that it would be Bella. My mom has forgiven me but not completely. She hurts everyday over the fact that her baby is dying. She cant hate me but sometimes i wish she would. I deserve the hate. My father would never forgive me and that hurt everyday. Even though half of me agreed with his actions. What did i even deserve anymore?

I drove as fast as i could to my house. The rain still falling fast and thick. I made it around the bend and the house came into view. I could tell Bella was amazed at the house's structure. Most people didnt want windows all around their house. They didnt want anyone seeing in. I wished more than anything that someone could see into me. That someone could pull me out of this abyss i had put myself in. The house was beautiful though. I had to admit that. It was more for Alice than anything else. She loved to look out the windows from her bed into the trees and sun. My mother had found this house just for the purpose of easing it for Alice.

I pulled up and took a deep breath. Here it was, my dark secret. The secret that drove me insane everyday. The secret that threatened to consume me. The secret that i wasnt as perfect as everyone thought. And i was going to share it with Bella. I was taking her to meet Alice. Alice loved everyone. She was a kind soul and she made everyone feel better. That was just Alice. Even though she was suffering she tried to ease other peoples suffering. I loved her so much that i felt my heart breaking every day. She was stable but she was getting sicker every day. It was only a matter of time...

I hoped Bella would see her and maybe make her smile. Alice's smiles were worth every second. Her eyes filled with pain actually twinkled when she laughed. It was such a beautiful thing. I was hoping that Bella could maybe ease her mind. I thought Alice would like another girl to talk too. Bella had a kind soul as well, i knew she would be a good thing for Alice. Maybe she could bring her peace, even if its just a little.

I just hoped she didnt think of me any different after...

* * *

 **Authors note: You were correct. It was Bella outside the window. Lets just hope she can handle the news of Alice nicely. Stay tuned for the next chapter and thanks so much for all the support! :D This story doesnt have magical characters. No vampires and werewolves here. But if Edward and Bella were normal teenagers i think this could have been a real reality. Maybe a little dark, but life isnt made of all nice things. Its got to rain before you can celebrate the rainbow!**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Bella**

I got out of the car. My heart was thudding inside my chest. I wasnt accustomed to things like this. I didnt go meet any boys mother, let alone anything else. What was Edward hiding? Why did he break down and cry so much sorrow? I was scared but excited to finally find out what was happening. This would change our relationship forever, for better or for worse.

I followed Edward up the gravel driveway. He paused at the door and took a deep breath. _What for?_ I followed behind him silently. I wanted to know the secrets he kept buried deep inside him. He opened the door and stepped inside. I slowly went in after him.

My eyes took in the expensive paintings and art. His parents were definitely loaded. Well, he did mention his dad was a doctor. I tried not to feel embarrassed over my shabby attire. I hoped his mother wouldnt look to closely. I wiped my palms on my jeans and followed Edward.

"Mom!?" he calls.

"In here hun." i heard a soft voice call. Edward heads to the left, i follow. His mother was beautiful. Her brown hair framed her heart shaped face. She was sitting in the kitchen on a lap top. She had Edward's emerald eyes. I felt my throat close up.

"Well who's this?" she asks, smiling.

"This is Bella mom, the girl i was telling you about." Edward says. His voice was still low and off. His mother gave him a long look. She then turned to me. her smile returned.

"Well its nice to meet you Bella. My name is Esme. Welcome to our home." she says. She came closer and shook my hand. I hadnt noticed before but there was sadness in her eyes as well. _What was this family hiding?_ I smiled back in the best way that i could. His mom went back to her computer. I stood there all awkward. I really didnt know what to do with myself.

"Mom...i was going to go up and see Alice." he says slowly.

She jerked her eyes up from the screen. Her eyes went back and forth between me and her son.

"Surely that can wait til your guest leaves." she says a little hurriedly.

"I want her to meet Bella." Edward said. His eyes were lowered.

"Do you really think that is a good idea? After what happened before..." Esme says.

"Yeah mom, i do." he replied.

"Okay, well make sure you dont do anything to upset her." his mom says. She turned her attention back to her lap top. _Who was Alice? What happened before?_ I was as puzzled as before. Edward took my hand and led me around the corner and up a flight of stairs. My heart was thudding just at the contact. His hand was somehow cold but warm inside mine. He dropped my hand at the top of the stairs.

There was a door there. Bright yellow with stenciled flowers, a pretty door. Edward led me over to it.

"Bella, i want you to meet my sister." he says weakly. _He has a sister!?_

"She isnt well, so please just try not to stare. She doesnt like when people stare." he says.

I nod my head and try to swallow. My throat is dry and feels constricted. What was going on here? Edward opens the door and steps inside. I follow behind him as close as i can without stepping on him . I step around him to stand beside him. The first thing i noticed was the smell.

Have you ever walked into a hospital? That clean chemical scent that burns your nose a little? Yeah, i could smell it as soon as i walked in the room. I wasnt prepared for that or the little girl in the bed.

She was small. Her arms were sickly thin. Her black hair billowed around her head as she rested on the pillow. A teddy bear was tucked under her arm. Tubes ran all over the place. Some were connected to her arms, some ran under the thin blanket she wore over herself. This child was very sick. I couldnt help it, my hand went to my mouth. This was the most terrible thing that i could ever imagine.

Edward walked over to the bed and rested his hand on the little girls arm. Her eyes opened weakly. They were the same green as Edward's just dulled.

"Eddy." Alice whispered.

"Hey princess, i brought someone to see you." he replies. He motions for me to come closer. I walk forward, my legs felt like they were filled with lead.

"This is Bella, Alice. She is a friend of mine at school. She helps me not get into trouble." Edward says, trying to be funny.

Alice smiled weakly. I honestly had no words. I stood there numb and speechless. Her little fingers were wrapped around Edward's hands, it almost broke my heart. Edward murmered to her for a long time. I honestly didnt know what to say. I never was good with children before and i didnt want to upset her. Edward seemed to know exactly what to say. Within a few minutes her small laughter is filling the room. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

She smiled only for him. It was if her world was grey until he came back to her. It was a priceless and heartbreaking moment. I felt like i being torn in two. I stood back and watched them talk and i listened to all her words. When at last the medicine that was pumping into her body put her to sleep, Edward took my hand and led me out. He shut the door as quietly as he could. His shoulders slumped as soon as he was out of her sight. He was pretending to be strong for her.

He took a few deep breaths and then took my hand again. He led me down the stairs and through the kitchen to the backyard. His mother had tried to catch him but he ignored her. I could feel his body trembling just through his hands. He was upset and didnt want her to see it. Edward had to pretend to be strong not just for Alice, but for everyone.

He led me outside and dropped my hand. I could hear his breaths coming in short and quick. He was trying so hard not to cry. He walked over to a tree and slammed his back against it. He then put his head in his hands. And then he broke down. I honestly didnt know what to do. I didnt know anything other than what i had just seen.

I was not used to this sorta thing. I wasnt the one to comfort anyone. But if anyone needed comfort it was him. I walked over slowly. I reached out and took his hands from his head. He tried to fight me but eventually succumbed. I summoned all the courage i had, i wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him close.

I thought he would pull away. I was surprised when i felt his strong arms pressed into my back. His chest was heaving against mine. I could feel his tears wetting my shirt. I couldnt help it. All this raw grief sent me over the edge. I started to cry with him.

We stood like that. Each of us clinging to one another. Each of us crying for different reasons. It was hard work being strong all the time. Sometimes we just needed to break down. Sometimes we needed to be the ones who cried. It was hard carrying a shield all day. You try and block everything out but eventually the world comes crashing down on you. I had never had anyone to comfort me when my world crashed around me. It was nice sharing my grief with someone else. It was nice having someone just be there. I was used to being alone and that is the worst feeling in the world.

Its like a joke that lingers in your head. You look up, ready to tell it, and realize something. There is no one there. There is no one there to care, no one to listen. That there was no one there in the first place. Being alone is the worst thing in the world. Things will always hurt, but having at least one person there to share your grief with will make it hurt less. Its like taking the burden of one and splitting it for two.

I had never felt closer to Edward than in this moment. He had let me in. It had broken him to let me in, but he had still done it. He had opened himself to me and i could feel his pain. With each breath, his body convulsed as he tried to take in a breath. With each tear, i could feel the thousands of tears he already has cried. My pain didnt seem to matter anymore...

I waited until his breathing was starting to return to normal. He still had a fierce grip on me. His hands were clenched around my waist. I was aware of how terribly close we were. It would have brought a blush to my cheeks if this wasnt such a serious moment. I waited patiently, not interrupting his moment. I waited for him to speak.

"Im sorry." he says weakly. His head was still laying on my shoulder.

"Dont be." i say.

"Its my fault...Bella its my fault." he says, his breathing going irregular. I dig my fingers in and press him harder to me.

"Thats not true Edward." i say softly.

"Alice has been sick since shes been born Bella. Her organs were failing since birth. She would never have a normal life. But then i did something Bella. Something that haunts me everyday. Until the grief is threatening to consume me." he says. His voice choking up in his throat.

"Tell me Edward. Let it out.." i say.

His hands were almost uncomfortable around me as he tightened his grip on me. It was almost as if he was scared i would run away.

"I promised her i'd come home and be with her. I lied to her. I went off to a party trying to get some girl. I left drunk and not even aware of my surroundings. When i pulled up in the driveway i didnt see her. She was sitting there waiting for me. If it wasnt for me she would have been in bed. If it wasnt for me, she would still be the same girl she had always been!" he cries into my hair. I hold him as close as i can.

"Now her legs are paralyzed and her organs are shutting down even quicker. She is dying because of me Bella." he cries. I honestly didnt know what to say.

"When i told you my mother wanted to move to here because it was quiet, i lied. She wanted a nice place for Alice to...to die. A place where she could pass on in peace..." he whispers.

 _Oh no. So my thoughts were right. Alice was dying._

Now i understood. I understood his guilt and his pain. But that wasnt his fault. He made a mistake but that didnt mean he had to pay for the rest of his life. It was a mistake. She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Edward hadnt meant to hit her. His mistakes, his parents mistakes, and Alice's were the reason for this. There was no one to blame. They all shared it.

"Edward that was a mistake. You didnt mean to do it." i say.

"Does it matter. She is still going to die because of me."

"Edward she was dying already..." i whisper.

"My friends were not my friends. They called me the 'child killer' in Alaska. Everyone hates me, everyone blames me. How am i supposed to get over that?" he says his voice choked with emotion.

He shudders under my grip. "Edward listen. What has Alice always wanted?" i ask.

It took him a little to answer, "A life."

"Yes, everyone wants that. But Alice has always been like this. I think deep down she knows that she will never have a normal life. So what does she want?" i ask.

Edward hesitates, "I dont know..."

I pulled away and he looked down at me. His green eyes burn into mine. He was only a few inches away.

"She wants you. From that day it happened, she has always wanted you. You didnt see how her eyes lighted up when you talk to her. She loves you Edward. She doesnt blame you for this. If Alice has forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself." i say.

His eyes burn into mine. I was caught in his gaze. I was not expecting his next move.. Not at all.

* * *

 **Authors note: Dang those cliffhangers. Stay tuned my lovely's.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Edward**

Before i knew what i was doing i was pressing my lips against hers. I didnt know what possessed me to do such a thing. She was so close, her brown eyes looking into mine. Her lips were parted as if she was about to say something. I didnt hesitate. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. I didnt expect to feel fire racing through my veins. Her lips were cautious as first but soon warmed up. I tightened my grip on her shoulders. _Was it just me, or did i not want this to end?_

My senses came back to me and i pulled apart. She wouldnt look at me. Her eyes were staring everywhere but at me. I wondered if i had did the right thing. I had kissed many girls before. None since when i lived in Alaska. I had avoided girls ever since that night. Did i do the right thing? I had enjoyed being close to her. I had enjoyed her lips against mine. I just wondered if she did.

She was standing a few feet away from me now. Had i been rash in thinking that she wanted my kisses? Had i been a fool to press myself on her unwillingly. Though for a second, i could have swore she enjoyed it too. Maybe it was all in my head. I had kissed her from my pain and grief. I didnt regret it but it probably wasnt the time. I didnt think i could give her anything more than that one kiss. Girls had a way of destroying me.

"Ugh i guess i should take you home." i say. She didnt look at me when she replied.

"Yeah...that would be a good idea."

I could have kicked myself. _Why had i done that!_ I probably ruined any chance at being her friend now. She probably had her own thoughts about me now. It was just she had said something that no one else had the guts to say. She had come into the situation and instead of bringing me down, she had uplifted me. For a few seconds i was at peace. And like an idiot i had ruined it. I always had a way of ruining things.

I hadnt planned on this. I didnt hope to make her emotional and then force myself on her. That was not my intention at all. She had just been so close to me. Her brown eyes looking deep into mine. I swear in that moment my heart had stopped. Bella had looked at me, actually looked. She had seen what i had done and i thought that she understood. I thought that maybe i had found someone who truly understood. Who understood the pain i carried everyday. But that was all in my head. She had backed away from me like there was something wrong with me. I had felt my heart lurch in my chest.

I walked slowly around the house. I could hear Bella's soft footsteps behind me. I just walked to my car with my head down. I honestly did not know what to say. Usually when you kiss a girl they smile afterwards. Bella had just looked out of place. Like the thought of kissing me was so terrible to process. I felt sick to my stomach. I didnt mean to put myself on her like that. I didnt mean to make her feel weird around me. I had enjoyed that kiss. The only kiss i ever had where the girl has known all about me. The only kiss that was not returned...

"Bella, about what happened...I didnt mean..." i started to say.

"No, you dont have to say anything." she replied. Her voice sounded distant.

 _What had i done now._ This was the first time in a long time that i had wanted a girl to respond to me. I had liked the feel of her lips on mine. Why didnt she like mine? Did she only want to be my friend, was that it? Was i not good enough for her. Maybe my ego had me thinking something entirely different. Maybe Bella just wasnt into me. Was i even into her?

My feelings were mixed and i didnt know what to feel. I usually had a clear head when it came to girls. I could easily tell when i liked one. But Bella was a whole different girl entirely. She was a mystery wrapped in another layer of mystery. I honestly didnt know what to make of her. Maybe she had second doubts on what she said. Maybe she felt i was the monster i always said i was. My mood plummeted in only a few seconds.

I drove her home. The car ride was weird and awkward. She didnt say a word, and neither did i. I could feel the tension threatening to consume us. I didnt know what to say so i said nothing at all. I was almost glad when i pulled into her driveway. I didnt like the silence. She sat beside me for a few seconds. I wondered if she was trying to say something.

"I will see you tomorrow." she said softly before opening the car door and getting out. I didnt know how i would respond when i seen her tomorrow. She was after all my partner in Art. She couldnt just pretend i didnt exist. A part of me wanted to disappear, but another wanted to just take her into my arms. I was just too confused really to say anything else. What had even happened here? What had even went on? I had tried to kiss her and she acted like this afterwards? What was going on in Bella's head? I couldnt seem to figure her out. And now my kiss had ruined any possible things that could have been.

Maybe my life was doomed to repeat itself. Alaska once again...

* * *

 **Bella**

I made it in the front door before i started to break down. My hands shook and my breathing was ragged. _What had just happened!_ I had been so surprised that he had kissed me. His lips had been hot against my skin. I had loved the taste of him. But then it was over. He had pulled away and i had pulled away too. I had just stared at the ground afterwards. I couldnt dare to look into his eyes and see disgust. That would have broke me down completely.

He didnt mean to kiss me. He couldnt have. A guy like that would never be with a girl like me. I knew this, he knew this, everyone knew this. Guys like him went on to marry models and date only the prettiest. Girls like me were usually fifty year old cat ladies. It just hurt because for that one moment i felt hope. I felt like maybe i stood a chance. But when the kiss ended i seen reality for what it really was.

Edward would never like me. He had kissed me out of emotional distress. That was it. There was nothing more and nothing less. He had acted out of impulse. I wanted to be mad that he was trying to play with my feelings. He had kissed me with no intention of anything else. But i couldnt be mad at him because i loved that kiss. That kiss had sent all my nerves on fire. I still could feel the presence of his lips on mine.

That boy was going to be the death of me. I walked up the steps as quickly as i could. I just wanted to lay down. The house was strangely empty so i at least had some peace and quiet. I kicked my door open and immediately just flopped down on my bed. My heart was hurting deep inside my chest. I didnt know where my father was and i didnt care. Maybe this was what feelings brought you, only pain and misery. I had let my feelings get too wrapped up in Edward and now they were being crushed. I shouldnt have even dared to hope for a possibility with him. I should have just expected my position with him. He was my friend and that was it. Nothing more, and nothing less.

That was the first time i had ever been kissed. No one had ever gotten that close before. No one had ever wanted too. Edward had been my first kiss. A kiss with feelings that werent returned... I had felt a strange pulling in my chest when i had first even seen him. I had felt longing and desire. But i had to face the truth. He would never be with me. He would never love me.

He had kissed me out of mistake, that was it. I could tell he was embarrassed afterwards. Just by the way he acted. And then he had tried to explain himself. I knew what was coming so i just shushed him. He was trying to tell me that it was a mistake and that i should not expect anything out of it. I was used to those kind of things. I was used to being the last one left.

No one came to my door with flowers. I didnt go to prom with a handsome date. I didnt do anything. Before today i had never been kissed. I have never went out on a date. I had never done anything with anyone. All the girls from my school were always talking about who they went out with over the weekend, who they liked. I never really tried to like anyone. I knew pain very well. I knew that liking anyone would only just bring me pain. And it has.

Edward was my weakness. I loved the very sight of him. I loved the color of his eyes. The way he made me feel special, even just for a moment. He had let me in like no one else has. He had shared a part of himself that most people never got to know. I had felt deep feelings for his family. I had held him while he cried. I had tried to comfort him in the best way i knew how. He had shown me a part of himself that he had tried to keep hidden. Not just from me, but from everyone. I had somehow thought that meant more than it did. But the fact of the matter is, is that girls like me we dont get a fairy tale ending. Were the girls who watch everyone be happy. We watch our friends get married. We watch our lives just slowly going by. I was lost in my despair.

My mood was dark and i didnt like where it was going. Edward had the ability to crush my world in one single afternoon. I liked him more than i should and it was bad for me. I had to distance myself or else i would lose myself. I couldnt keep expecting things from him. He was just a friend. He had shown me his secret today because i was just a friend. He needed someone today and i had been there. That was the only reason why. The guilt and pain had made him breakdown and it was i who went to his window. It was i, who went to him. He didnt come to me. I had pushed myself where i didnt belong. I just didnt know how things were going to be now. Would he even talk to me? Or would he try to act as if i didnt exist? Would he avoid me like this day never happened? Or would he try and apologize again? _What in the world was i going to do?_

That was it. I couldnt keep daydreaming about what if's. I had a place in this world and i knew where i fit in.

And i knew i didnt fit with Edward, no matter how much i wanted it.

* * *

 **Authors note: Well we have all been there... at least once in our lives.**

 **But dont get down hearted, there is more to come :p**

 **Stay tuned, more will be coming.**

 **And remember, things have a way of fixing themselves...**


	16. Chapter 16

**Bella**

Over the past few days, Edward ignored me. I seen him in Art class and he talked then. But any attempt at normal conversation failed. He seemed distant from me. As if he didnt want to talk to me more than he had too. That was fine with me. I didnt want to be a bother to him or anyone. I kept to myself.

Each day my mood started to dip lower and lower. Not even Mike's cheerful manner could help lift my spirits. It was if i had a black cloud over my head. A black cloud that rained every day right onto my head. I didnt want to do anything. I didnt want to leave my bedroom. I felt as if there was no point.

I watched for him at all times. When school started i always kept my eye out for his tall lean figure. He kept up his usual routine. He never wavered from it. He kept to himself and that was all he did. He met up with his friends every morning before the bell. I watched him walk away each day. I watched from the shadows. I watched him smile and laugh like nothing had ever happened.

The kiss obviously didnt mean anything to him. It saddened me but also angered me. How could he kiss me and then act like i never existed? What was he playing at? I had been there to comfort him and he treated me like this? I was in pain. I watched him walk through his life as if i never mattered. As if i was some insignificant blight on his all white page. I couldnt bare that thought. I had thought that maybe things were changing.

Why did my life seem empty now? All my school friends were acting the same. I was the only one who was different. My world had turned grey and it was all his fault. I had used to him not being anything more than friends. And then he had kissed me and ruined everything. I was not torn in half because i wanted him more than i thought possible. His lips on mine had sent a torrent of fire spreading though out my very being. He had made me come alive and now i was dead inside.

I didnt have the heart to talk to him. I couldnt stand it if he rejected me. He had acted like i was a mere shadow. He didnt want me to bother him. He had his own life. He had things going on. I didnt want to interrupt any of that. He also carried the burden of his little sister. I didnt want to cause any drama. He obviously didnt care that i had disappeared from his life. He didnt feel the hole that i felt in my chest. I thought more of him than he did of me. That was the way of the world.

I went through my days the best i could. I tried to appear normal to everyone else. But i could see that it wasnt working that well. My friends would give me curious looks at times. I tried to shove them aside but they knew what was up. Everyone seemed to know what was up. I had heard the gossip all around me the day after.

" _Did you hear?"_

 _"Did i hear what?"_

 _That Cullen kid went home with that Bella girl!"_

 _"No way!"_

 _"Yes, they were seen in his car just yesterday."_

And it went on and on. Some say i drugged him with some kind of pill. Others say i bewitched him with my witch magic. It went on and on. I never even tried to defend myself. Let them think what they wanted to think. Edward had just given me a ride home. He hadnt wanted anything to do with me. I was the one who had bothered him that day after all. Funny how nobody noticed that the new kid was in pieces when i got to him. It was as if that little fact didnt even mattered. They all just wondered why the hot kid was with the ugly girl. It just didnt make any sense to their twisted little minds.

Why couldnt people just mind their own business? Why meddle in things that dont concern you? They all spout their opinions left and right without feeling like they didnt belong. It was my business what i did that day, not theirs. Just like Edward was allowed to do what he wanted to do. They didnt care what Edward was doing, they only cared about me. They couldnt figure out why a guy like him would be seen with a girl like me. It went against everything they were used too. I hated all of them for that.

I just hoped that Edward wouldnt be too upset over everything. Im sure he told his own tale to all the gossips. I didnt really care what they said. Most of them were just jealous girls that were sad they werent the ones in his car. I didnt know if i was happy to have caught him at his weakest moment or not. I was hurting too much but would i take it back? Would i wish that his kiss had never happened? I didnt think so. His lips on mine had felt like the most right thing in this world.

 _Too bad he didnt feel the same._

I made it through one whole week without really talking to him. I thought every minute that i was going to die. I couldnt understand why i felt this way. Why i had to be around him. He was like a drug that the more i got the more i wanted. I had to have him around me. But the fact was that he didnt feel the same. He didnt like me like i liked him. It was that simple. I could sit here all day and wish my hardest. But it still wouldnt change anything. Edward was allowed to do what he wanted to do.

When the weekend arrived i was kind of glad. It meant two whole days without the sight of him. Maybe i could somehow get over him by Monday. Maybe i could erase his entire self from my memory. But i knew that was impossible. He was forever stuck inside my head. I dont know why he of all people evoked these kinds of thoughts. I had never in my life thought that i would want someone like this. Especially someone WAY out of my league. I didnt stand a chance stacked up to all those other girls. I was just plain Bella. I wasnt anything fancy. I had more inner scars than i liked to admit. I had more flaws than i liked to admit.

Why would he like a girl like me? I just didnt see any way that it would work. Most relationships in High School dont work. Most relationships between people so differet, usually didnt work. I was stuck fighting and endless battle. I just hoped that i would be stronger afterwards. I didnt want this to destroy me. I liked him and he had crawled his way inside me. But that didnt mean my life had to end because i had jumped to conclusions. Edward was a friend, well not even that anymore. I dont know what i had did, but he avoided me now. It was almost as if i did exist.

That hurt more than anything else...

Saturday morning came. I had no plans for today. No plans for anything. I got out of bed and went to the window. It was steadily raining outside. So i wasnt doing anything outside today. I guess i could just sit in the house. Being all miserable.

I walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen. I could hear the tv going so i knew my dad was in their watching his programs. It was late morning. I decided to just make something to eat. Maybe the rain would stop by then. I went to the cupboard and pulled it open. I grabbed the bread and went to the toaster. I would just make some toast. Something light and then i needed to sit and figure out how to keep my mind busy. I didnt want to linger on Edward today. I needed to clear my thoughts and keep them cleared. It hurt to much to think of him.

I ate my toast silently. I almost didnt even taste it. My mind was on so many other things. I needed to get some space. I didnt care if it was raining or not. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on. I slipped past my the living room, my dad didnt say a word. I opened the front door and slipped outside. I headed off toward the trees. A nice walk through the forest would be nice. I wasnt scared. I had walked through the trees so many times. Nothing had ever came at me once.

I stuck to the path and just kept walking. My feet squeaking in the wet grass. There was no sounds coming from the forest. It was as if i was the only one here. The trees looming above me were silently watching. The small twigs i broke with my sneaker were the only sounds i heard. It was almost as if i was all alone out here. The rain didnt do anything to help my mood. I just needed out of the house. I was sick of being in the house. My dad was just a dead weight. He sat around all the time and never paid attention to anything around him. I should be grateful that he wasnt drunk. I just didnt care today. I didnt care about anything but one thing. And that one thing would destroy me if i kept caring.

 _Stop thinking of him!_

It was alot harder than it seemed. Even out here in the tall green grasses i still seen things that reminded me of him. The scent of the trees reminded me of the scent of his car. He was on my mind and i could not get him off of it. I had to talk to him. One way or the other, i had to clear the air. I had to talk to him and find out what was going on. If he wanted to just be friends, then so be it. If he wanted me to disappear, then i could do that too. Whatever he wanted, i could do.

Was this love? Loving someone so much that even if they didnt love you, you still did anything to make them happy? Feeling despair at the thought of them unhappy? Was that what love was? Did i even want a part of any of this? It hurt way to much to care about Edward Cullen. It hurt way to much to even be near him. Could i even try and break through what shield he had in place? Could i even make a difference in his life? Could i be good for him? I didnt know the answer to these questions. I just knew that i needed to talk to him.

I needed to see him face to face. I needed to ask him questions. I had followed him into the dark place of his heart, he could follow me into mine. It was only fair. He had given me the choice to ditch him there in the backyard of his house. I had stayed and look where it had gotten me. It got me kissed and now i was left alone. I dont know what i did wrong. Was it me? Was it just that fact that i had no chance at all to be with Edward?

Edward could have cradled my heart in his hands. He could have held it tight. His kisses would mend all my wounds. His soft touch could have repaired all the tears and breaks. If i gave him the chance to hold it, would he even hold it? Or would he smash it into the ground like it never even mattered in the first place. My heart left torn and mangled in the dirt.

I honestly didnt think i could have the energy to pick it up once again. I would leave it laying there on the ground. After all, what good was a broken heart?

* * *

 **Authors note: Awww :,(**

 **Whats in store for Bella and Edward next?**

 **More to come... Stay tuned.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Bella**

I endured through the weekend the best i could. I kept my thoughts as contained as i could manage. It didnt seem to make any difference. I was eagerly awaiting Monday morning. I would go to Edward and i would make him talk to me. One way or the other, i would find out what was going on. I had let my depression get the best of me. Well not anymore. One way or the other i would find out once and for all.

I was so nervous Sunday night that i didnt go to bed til very late. When i awoke the next morning i felt on edge. I hadnt slept well and it wasnt going to make my day any better. I rushed through the morning and was almost late for the bus. I thankfully got there just in the nick of time. I joined the rest of the kids in line and got onto the bus. I tried to calm my beating heart as the school finally came into view.

I got off the bus and made for my usual spot. I needed time to think, i needed time to process. What exactly was i going to say to him? How could i come across in a way that didnt push him away farther? I needed to express the reasons for why i was doing this. I needed him to understand who i was as a person. And if he decided that after that he didnt want anything to do with me, then so be it. I was ready for anything.

I had braced myself the night before. I had thought of every possible turn of event until i couldnt anymore. I was now ready for anything. I sat down in the wet grass and i waited. I was too nervous to really notice anything around me. I waited and waited, and finally he arrived. I stood up as he got out of his car. His eyes on everywhere but me. Should i try and talk to him now? Should i go over there and just say 'Hey'. Would that even work? I could probably just talk to him later. When there wasnt as many witnesses. He had already joined his friends anyway. Oh well, i would just have to wait.

The bell rang and i followed the rest of the students inside. I made it through my classes with no real incident. When it was time for lunch i followed along side Mike. His cheerful manner was the same as it always was.

"How are you today Bella?" he asked.

"Better than usual, thanks. How about you?"

"Oh im fantastic. I'v noticed you've been a little down. Did you wanna talk about it?" he asked. I could tell he was just trying to be nice. What would i even say? _Hey Mike, i am being a little forward and all. But im in love with that Edward kid. Its a little difficult and i think he doesnt know i exist. Is there any way to make myself known to him?_ That would be ridiculous. I needed to figure this out on my own. It was the only way. I needed to hear the words from Edward's lips.

I chatted on irrelevant things with Mike throughout the whole lunch period. I was nice to everyone at the table. It seemed like no one had noticed my distance lately. They all still welcomed me back. I fell back into the routine of things. I didnt even think of Edward once. It was great being normal. It was great being surrounded by people who were all smiles and laughter. I had missed this more than anything.

I left lunch with a happy heart. Even if things went south, i would always have my friends. My friends would always be there for me. Mike especially. I made it through all my classes and finally it was time for Art. I entered the building a little apprehensive. I could feel my heart start to pick up its pace. I was nervous but that didnt matter. I had come here to do what i planned to do. Whether he liked it or not.

I sat at my table and opened up my book. Me and him were making good progress on the project so far. My book was largely illustrated with photos of my life. I had even captioned little sayings in the blank spaces. When the year finally ended, i would pick and pull both of our books and make it into one. It would show Edward's life as well as mine. I had no idea what all was in Edward's book. He had showed me a few photos of his piano and a few other things. But as to what his book even looked like i didnt know. Over the last few periods he had seemed to guard it from my eyes. I would see it in the end anyway.

I still had the hopes of going to Tucson. I couldnt lose sight of what i really wanted. This was my last year and did anything really matter? Soon i would be leaving, and so would everyone else. I looked around me at all the other kids. They would all be leaving for far off places just as i was. It was the way of things. High School was temporary but yet still felt so permanent. I would miss Mike and Angela and all the others who made me feel welcome. I would miss all of this.

But my life had to go on. I had to move forward. I needed to move forward. I just had to settle this with Edward and then be on my way. I had to take each day, day by day. In the end it would fix itself. In the end i would be okay. I had been picking up the pieces of my life for years before Edward came along. I could do it again.

I was starting to feel alot more at ease. Things really couldnt get much worse. I started to doodle in my note book when i felt the chair beside me move. I looked up to see him sitting down. His green sweater complimented his eyes. I couldnt help but stare. He really did look like something out of a magazine. I tried not to stare, i cleared my throat.

"How are you Edward?" i asked politely.

He doesnt even look at me, "Fine"

 _Okay that wasnt very polite._

 _"_ Well how was your weekend."

"Just great."

 _Okay this was getting me no where._

"Well ugh i was wondering if i could talk to you after school?" i asked.

He seemed to pause at this, "Why?" he asked.

"Just need to talk to you. But ugh, i was thinking about our project and..."

We spent the majority of the rest of Art talking about our photos. I was just glad that he was talking to me. He hadnt really told me no, so i guess that was okay. I was taking that as we could talk. I just really needed to clear the air. I needed to get all these feelings off my chest. He could do whatever he wanted after. I just needed to get them off and maybe keep them off. He had to explain that kiss or else i was going to die from curiosity.

When the bell finally rang, i spoke again about the meeting.

"So can i meet you at your car?" i asked.

"Sure, I'll be there." he says.

He picked up his stuff and made to leave the room. I watched him go before i picked my stuff up and left too. The day could not end quickly enough! I made it through all the boring stuff without losing my mind. I tried to pay attention to my classes but i just couldnt. I had other things more pressing come to mind. I was finally going to have the courage to speak up. I honestly didnt know what was going to happen afterwards.

I had romantic notions of being swept off my feet but quickly shook those from my head. This was a fairy tale. Good endings didnt happen much in real life. At least not for people like me. I had accepted my role in life. Some people just had it easier then others.

When at last the last bell rang i almost jumped for joy. I was all the way on the other side of the buildings so i had to rush to get there. I just hoped Edward wouldnt leave before i got there. I only could really talk for only twenty minutes. In twenty minutes the buses would leave and i'd be stranded. I really couldnt count on him wanting to take me home again. Last time i had to stand in the rain for courage to go up to his window. This time i would be there waiting. I had to get there and hope that he would be there waiting.

I walked as quickly as i could. My sneakers slapping into the concrete as i went. It had rained earlier so the weather was just awful. It always seemed to rain here in Forks. I was used to it though. I hitched my bag onto my shoulder and made my way for the parking lot. What i didnt expect was to stumble into him...and her.

I came around the bend of building 11. I stumbled to a halt. Edward was standing near the building next to Rosalie. _Well of course._ I watched as she rested her hand on his arm. He didnt do anything about it. He let her touch him. I watched as she continued to talk. He smiled and acted normal around her. I could see the way he leaned into her. I could see the way he looked at her. Rosalie was indeed beautiful. She was intoxicating as well as desirable. I felt jealousy well up and threaten to consume me.

I started to walk forward. I didnt have to hide here. I could walk by here. There was no reason why i couldnt. And besides, Edward was busy with her. He wouldnt be waiting at his car for me. He was back here with Rosalie. I had a bus to catch. My breath started catching in my throat as i got closer. I was close enough to hear them. Edward had his back to me. Rosalie on the other hand, could see me coming. What she did next was just pure mean.

"Oh Edward, i'v been meaning to ask you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah about your Art partner. I think she has a thing for you." she says. Her blue eyes were looking at me over his shoulder. She knew i could hear everything that was being said.

"I dont think so. And besides i dont have feelings for her. I never will." he said to her.

I couldnt see his face, but i could understand spoken english. Did he do this to me on purpose? Did he plan this whole thing? To get me to back off or something? I felt like i had been punched in the stomach. _That was just a mean thing to do._ Instead of come to me and talk to me, he had publicly denounced me. He had practically dismissed me, right in front of Rosalie. Beautiful Rosalie. I needed to get out of here.

I kept walking, my head down. I stormed right past them. I didnt even look at him or her. I just needed to get out of there. Tears were already starting to fall from my eyes. I needed to just get home. I had foolishly tried to talk to him and look what my attempt has done. He had publicly humiliated me. Rosalie had helped but that didnt really matter. I rushed for the bus as quick as i could. I just wanted to go home. I would worry about everything later. I would worry about it all later.

I didnt want to break down on the bus. I didnt want other kids hearing me cry. But i did not posses the strength that was needed to hold it in. I cried. I cried even when deep down i knew what was happening. Deep down i knew that i stood no chance. But i had still hoped. I had still hoped that maybe my day would have ended nicely.

Now that hope was crushed. Edward had said it himself, he didnt want anything to do with me. He had said it plain as day. And once again i was here trying to pick up the pieces.

* * *

 **P.S. You haven't heard Edwards POV... Just keep that in mind. Thanks for reading and more to come soon enough.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Edward**

 _What had i done?_

I felt like i had been punched in the throat. I watched Bella storm away from me. Her shoulders were rigid and her back was to me. I could feel her pain radiating from here.

 _Why had i said those things? Why had i not even knew she was around? I wouldnt have said anything if it wasnt for Rosalie._

Rosalie was all smiles. Her perfectly manicured hands on her hips. She was staring after Bella too. I turned to her.

"That wasnt very nice."

"Oh well, she needed to hear it." she said.

"No that wasnt a nice thing to do. Like at all." i said a little coldly. Her eyes narrowed at my words.

"Why do you have a thing for that little freak?" she accused.

"She is a way better person than you will ever be." i spat into her face. I turned away from her and tried to run after Bella. I didnt make it in time. I watched her bus pull away from the curb. I couldnt let it end like this. I couldnt let the last words she heard be that. I had to go to her. I had to explain why i said those things.

 _Why had i said those things?_

The truth was, i was trying to hide it. Why would Bella storm away if she was upset over that? She had practically showed me that she was not into me. So why would i tell Rosalie anything different? I had lied to her but it was a lie for my best intention. I felt as if Bella wanted nothing to do with me. Why tell everyone at school that i had a secret crush on her? That would only bring more humility down on us both. I didnt want to cause her any problems. But it seemed that i had just added to them.

I walkde briskly to my car. Threw open the door and hopped inside. I didnt waste any time. I turned on the ignition and i went as fast as the speed limit would allow. I was headed directly for her house. I needed to speak with her. Even if she didnt want to listen i would still say my piece. I didnt honestly know what to think.

One minute i was sure Bella had a thing for me, the next i wasnt so sure. Her moods seemed to change everyday. One minute shes happy and carefree, the next sullen and distant. I couldnt decide what her true feelings were. I was a realist and i took fact for fact. She didnt tell me that she liked the kiss. She didnt tell me that she liked anything about me! Never once has any words on that subject ever left her lips. She had heard more from me than she's ever told me. I had tried being open. I had spit everything i had and let her decide. She had walked away from me.

That had hurt.

I had thought i had found someone i could be myself with. I had laid my heart out for her to see and she had turned away from me. I was foolish thinking that she had liked my kiss. She wasnt able to even look me in the eye after! I had accepted that. I had let her shy herself away from me. I had not went to her acting the fool. I had given her the space she so desired. I had not tried intruding in her life. I thought she wanted space so i gave it to her.

But now i was having second thoughts. Why would she have been so upset over what i said? If she liked me no less than a friend she would have probably laughed at those words. She wouldnt have cared if i liked her or not. Unless she felt something more from me. But i just couldnt bring myself to belive that. The way she had behaved had sent me all the signals to back off. I was just doing what she wanted me to do...

And now i had made a mistake. I had said some words that i shouldnt have said. I just never thought that she would have been right behind me! Damn that Rosalie. I hadnt expected her to get so upset over those words. I thought she didnt have any feelings for me at all. I had just let her go. I valued her esteem more than i should have. I valued the opinion she had of me. I didnt want to follow her around like a lost puppy. A puppy that wasnt wanted.

I needed to speak to her. I needed to find out what this was all about. I felt this way, she had to feel some other way. I needed to speak to her and tell her how i felt. Then if she decided she didnt want me, she could. But i needed to hear the exact words. I was tired of playing this game. This game of 'I have no idea whats going on but i wont even try to figure it out'. I was going to go to her and apologize and explain myself.

I swore in Alaska that i wouldnt chase another girl. I promised myself that i wouldnt put myself in another situation. I wasnt looking for love, but love had found me. I couldnt get her off my mind. What was it about her that made my heart ache? The way she smiled in that shy way? The way she laughed? The way that she had accepted me? It was a collection of things. I didnt just love her for no reason at all. I wanted her for a distinct reason. My heart called out for hers.

I didnt believe in that fate crap, but i did believe that Bella was more than anyone had the fortune to realize. She was socially unacceptable. She didnt wear the fanciest clothes, she didnt blend in with the rest of the sheep, she was original. She wasnt fake. She wasnt fake like i had been. I had been selfish and vain. I had only cared about myself. I was a different Edward now. I cared more than anyone seemed to realize.

I carried a burden every day and i would always carry it. But that didnt mean i had to die under its weight. I had found someone who understood me. Who looked at me and didnt see the monster that i did. I was not alone anymore. I had felt more alone ever since the accident. I had lost my friends, my family, and worst of all, Alice. I had hurt her and i could never take that back. It left me more mature than most men my age. I would not make the same mistake twice. I would not hurt the ones i loved anymore.

 _Too late for that..._

I had to speak to Bella. I had to make her understand. I was a hard man to love. I wouldnt always be the warm guy she likes. Sometimes i had demons that took me over. Demons that made me act like a monster. Demons that preyed on all my hopes and dreams. I was not a perfect person. I had more inner damage than i liked to admit. But with a little love i would be alright. I needed someone with the will to mend my broken heart. I could be loved, if only i'd stop hurting those who loved me back.

I didnt mean to hurt anyone. I had been so far up in my own ass that i had never looked at anyone else. I was ignorant of everything and everyone else. I had went through my early years with entitlement. I could never understand why i shouldnt get what i wanted. I was Edward Cullen after all. I had the looks, the money, the attitude. I was so far down in the hole i had created for myself. I had viewed the world through a Edward tinted glass. I had only seen myself in the aspect of things. It was the worst mistake of my life.

I had laughed at other peoples pain. Now who was there to laugh at mine? Myself.

We never really know the damage we cause to others. We do what we do with no regard to anyone else. We never see the tears behind locked doors. We never see the self hate inside someones head. We never really see the damage we cause. When my whole world fell apart, i realized mine. I realized that it wasnt just about me. It was about all those i cared about.

And the one person that i cared about in a different way than Alice, i had just hurt. I had caused her pain and each minute that i couldnt speak to her tore at me. I needed to tell her how i felt. I needed to open up and tell her. That i was ignorant, stupid, and madly in love with her. Alls it had taken was a few evenings together, class, and that night at my house. That was all it took to make me see that i wasnt done chasing girls. I just didnt want any other girl.

I wanted Bella.

If she would even have me after all that i had said. If she could even stomach me after that fiasco. If she even liked me at all...

I was almost to her house. I jerked to a stop in front of her house. I took a deep breath and exited the car. I walked up to her door and paused, my hand in the air. _I just hope she will see me after all that._ I hesitated a fraction of a second and then knocked. I wasnt hoping for anything other than just to see her face, just to say i was sorry. Just to apologize for the things that i had said, that i had only said to protect myself. It always hurt when you cared about someone more than yourself. It hurt but the kiss she could give me could make it all right again.

All i needed was one more kiss.

* * *

 **Authors note: See Edward isnt as bad as all you guys like to think lmao. We all make mistakes and sometimes it takes just one single event to make us see this. Thanks for reading and sorry about the slow update. Been carried away with a thing called life. More to come in the next few days. And i also wanted to say sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I proof read, but not that good. I have so many ideas flying around in my head that i dont take as much time as i should. And for that i am sorry. Apostrophes are my weakness, even though i dont see that as such a big deal. Im a writer, not a published author. I dont have an editor or a beta lol. But i am sorry for any inconvenience.**

 **Thanks so much for the support.**

 **I 3 you guys!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Edward**

I waited patiently, my hands at my side. I gave it a few more seconds before i lifted my hand and knocked again. I wasn't even sure she would answer. I stepped back and looked up at the windows trying to see her face. Maybe she knew it was me so she didn't come to the door. I squinted my eyes and tried to see past the dark curtains. I couldn't make out any faces behind the cloth. Maybe no one was home? I was taken back when the door opened.

The wooden door creaked open slowly. I kept my face neutral in case it was Bella. I didn't want to anger her further by smiling like nothing was wrong. A man stood there, i could smell the alcohol on his breath. His red eyes tried to take in my appearance. I smiled politely and asked, "Is Bella home?"

The man appeared to not hear me. He stood there leaning back and forth. I honestly didn't know what to do so i asked again.

"Is Bella home by chance?" i repeated.

The man turned his head to look behind him. "Bella!" he grumbled loudly.

He turned back to me and his gaze was everywhere but on my face. _Her dad was an alcoholic?_ Maybe he just had too much to drink today, but it wasn't even 5 o'clock yet. It was none of my concern. I stood there on the doorstep and just waited patiently. I was hoping she would come to the door. I was hoping that she would let me explain everything to her. I really didn't want to go home and deal with all this guilt and pain threatening to crush me. I had said some things that were not right and i needed to fix them.

I shifted onto my left leg and waited. Bella's dad screamed her name once again. I didn't know what to think. Was she hiding from me? Was she going deaf? Was she not even in the house? I really didn't know anything at this point. She could be elsewhere and her dad was too drunk to even notice that she wasn't even there!

I smiled at her dad and said, "Its okay i will come back another time."

I turned around and walked toward my car. I had hoped for something better than this but i had at least tried. She either didn't want to see me or didn't care enough to see me. I had hurt her feelings, i knew that, but i wanted to make up for them. It wasn't an easy thing to love when your broken. Its hard to let someone in and see the shattered pieces that remain. I had made a mistake and i might be paying for it dearly. I had at least tried.

I never knew that her dad had a passion for the bottle. She had never mentioned anything like that to me. Another thing, she never mentioned her mother either. How come she knew everything mostly about me but yet i knew nothing about her? When we talked, we always talked about me. What i liked, what i did, who i was. We never really talked about her side of things. Why had i never asked? I was curious about her life, i wanted to know everything that she had to say. Why had i now just realized that Bella barely said anything? She didn't have to tell me that her dad drank but i thought maybe she would tell me more about herself. It seemed like Bella was just a mystery.

I took my keys out of my pocket and inserted it into the lock. I took one last look at the house and got into my car. There was nothing i could do if she didn't want to talk to me. There was nothing more i could do. I wasn't going to be the weirdo who stalked her. I would wait til class tomorrow and see if she had anything to say. I could try apologizing and see what happened. There wasn't much more that i could do.

* * *

 **Bella**

I watched him leave with a heavy heart. I had been watching him out the bathroom window. I had heard him knocking at the door. We never got visitors so i feared the worst when i heard the sound. My suspicions were correct when he had come to the door. My father was so inebriated that i doubted he would come get me. He had called my name and that was it. I felt relief that he wasn't able to come get me or remember that i was even there.

I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to hear his voice. He had said just a few words to Rosalie and that had been enough. I didn't want him coming here and sitting me down. I could almost imagine it in my head.

 _Listen Bella, were just friends._

 _We will never be anything more than friends._

 _Im sorry if you think i led you on in any type of way._

 _Rosalie is beautiful and she's the girl i want._

 _We can still be friends._

 _Its not you, its me._

I could hear the conversation ringing in my head. I knew what he came here to say. I wasn't stupid. I understood the ways of men even if i never really had one. I always was the one on the outside listening to other girl's talk about their problems. I listened intently and always wondered how it would be. I never really had a boyfriend but i had listened to enough stories to know.

Your boyfriend was supposed to care about you, eventually love you. He cared about you more than anything else. He put you above his own selfish needs. He took care of you and made sure you were happy. As a girlfriend you would do the same. You would show him love and affection and do the best you could to make them happy. Everyone should understand that. Being in a relationship is one plus one, not just one. You had to give and receive. I think a lot of people forget that.

I couldn't really say from my own experience. I had only been kissed once, by someone i'd rather not mention. My heart still yearned for it. I yearned for someone to love me for me. Someone to hold my hand and reassure me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted that more than anything. I wanted someone to hold me at night and chase away my nightmares. Someone to break down the wall that i had built over these past years.

My day would come, i couldn't keep hurting myself over things that would never be. Edward would be the first guy i kissed, but hopefully he wouldn't be the last. My whole world would not end just because Edward didn't want me. Sure it stung and my heart felt heavy when i thought of him, but i wasn't dying. Someday i would get my prince charming and none of this will even matter.

I had not expected to see him there standing near Rosalie. I honestly didn't know what to think. He had been standing there so close to her. I had been jealous but i would have just pushed it aside. It was more the words he said that had shocked me. I could still hear their conversation in my head.

 _"Oh Edward, i'v been meaning to ask you."_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Yeah about your Art partner. I think she has a thing for you." she says. Her blue eyes were looking at me over his shoulder. She knew i could hear everything that was being said._

 _"I don't think so. And besides i don't have feelings for her. I never will." he said to her._

I had felt those words crush into me. I had almost just thought that it had been just a bad dream. Like maybe i was sleeping and any second i would wake up. After all that was said, after the kiss, after all those moments, i had felt winded at those words. I couldn't hold Edward to any of those things, really i couldn't. He could do as he chose but i still felt hurt over it. It was just bad timing was all. I should just have never heard those words. But maybe i just needed to hear them. Maybe i needed to understand that there was no future for me and him. Edward and Bella just do not mix.

Those words that he had spoken had still shocked me to my core. But they also helped me understand that nothing would ever come of it. Edward had a bright future. He had money, friends, good looks. He would go far in this life. I was content with my mediocre beginnings but that didn't mean my life didn't matter. I needed to get boys out of my mind and really start focusing on my life ahead.

It was already a few months into the school year. A few more and i would be graduating. Time sure had flew by. The girls who shunned me before were now at least friendly. I had more friends than i had ever had before. Guys actually didn't tease me as much. I was now more accepted than ever before. My life was starting to look up in so many ways. I had more opportunities to smile than ever before. I actually didn't dread going to school anymore. I welcomed every day and i always kept my head up. I was proud of myself. Why should my mood be ruined just because some pretty boy didn't like me? I had so much to offer and it was a shame that he didn't see that.

That was not my concern. I had to fix my thoughts on the important things of life. I needed to get my gears working and focus on what was important. That university in Tucson was my main priority. I needed to be out of this town. I needed to spread my wings and take flight. I would be forever grateful for all those that had finally given me what i always desired. I was now wanted, for however long, i had been wanted. Most people in life desire complex things. They want more money, more fame, more unnecessary items, all i wanted was to be wanted. That is a simple desire and finally i had acquired it.

I was not famous. Men did not come crawling to my door. I did not kiss a different guy each night. But i was okay with that. I had never wanted to be the most popular girl at school. I was content with where i was in the social order. I didn't need a man and no man needed me. I could do fine just by myself. I would graduate and off to Tucson i would go. I would interact as little as possible with Edward and life would go on.

Even though i was trying to be rational, my heart still ached. Even though i was trying to be smart, my heart was still fighting the logic. There would always be a part of me that yearned for Edward Cullen but i would have to hide it. I would have to shelter that from everyone including myself. Loving someone gives them the power to destroy you. I didn't want my heart to break anymore than it has been. I would try my best to hide my feelings.

I just hoped Edward wouldn't make it difficult. Something told me though, that Edward was nothing but difficult.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Sorry for the long wait.**

 **Things have been hectic around here.**

 **I will try and update again shortly.**

 **Thanks for reading and thanks for the support :D**

 **Enjoy!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Bella**

The months passed smoothly. I went to school, hung out with friends, enjoyed my life. Christmas vacation went by in the blink of an eye. My family and i shared a awkward morning of opening the small gifts we all managed to get. I got some new clothes, a few notebooks, and other non-important items. I got my mom and dad items they didn't need. Overall it wasn't such a bad occasion.

I usually didn't like the holidays, too sad. My family were close when i was younger. I can remember happier times when i was a child. Not so much anymore. It still wasn't such a bad day. I opened my gifts and went about my day. I was happy and i stayed happy.

The days passed smoothly, fall went to winter, winter went to summer. I talked casually to Edward whenever i had the chance. I didn't try and appear anything more than what we were. I talked to him politely and he did the same. Months ago after that whole fiasco, the following day he had tried to come to me during art class.

 _"Bella i need to speak to you." he said._

 _"It doesn't matter Edward. Just drop it." i had replied._

He had looked at me with some kind of look in his eye. I couldn't really place it, but he had let it drop. We resumed our casual relationship and that was the end of it. I was glad but a part of me was sad. I just couldn't allow myself to let him hurt me. He had already hurt me once, and i could not stomach another wound. I was doing what was best for both of us. He wouldn't and couldn't be with me, so why put myself in the position to fall? I did what was best for both of us and just acted friendly.

We worked on our project, we made small talk, we did all the things that normal school friends do. I didn't pressure him, didn't sit close to him, i didn't break any of the rules. I enjoyed being around him and i did like the feel of his presence. But i couldn't allow myself to hurt like i had before. Surely anyone could understand that? I was doing the best i could with what i had been given.

I was passing all my classes in school. I was on my way to passing with flying colors. My teachers were starting to notice me and i had to admit i liked it. I was fitting in more and more as the school year went on. I actually went up to people and started the conversation versus making them do it. Mike and our group of friends were all close. We hung out almost every weekend down at La push. I spent more time with Jacob and i was starting to really enjoy the year. I would actually be sad when it was over.

I didn't try and pay attention to what Edward was doing, but i couldn't help myself. Sometimes i noticed his eyes were red when he was walking into the school in the morning. I wondered if maybe Alice was having a hard time. I almost asked him about it but figured if he wanted me to know he would tell me. Maybe he just had something in his eye.

I didn't avoid him, i just didn't try and push myself into his presence. He talked to me each day in Art, usually over the project. We had made a good way into our little journals. My book was thick and bulky. I had added so many photos and thoughts, cut and paste, that my book was now twice the size it had been originally. Edwards was still the same. I didn't know what he did in there. I didn't know what he filled his with. He never showed me any of the things that he put inside. I just had to be at peace with the fact that he knew what he was doing.

With the school year wrapping itself up, i was thrilled and a little sad. I would miss all my friends, i would miss the laughs and the beach. I just hoped that i would still be able to keep in touch with most of them. Mike had become one of my best friends. I imagined that maybe he did like me, in a crush kinda way. I was used to his teasing and flirting but i wasn't really interested. I knew for a fact that Jessica had her eyes on him from the start. He just didn't see it though.

With only a few months until school ended, the school was in a frenzy. Prom was showing itself and it was a big thing for the senior year. It was to be held in the school gymnasium which isn't very classy, but the art department made up for it with the decorations. They would be transforming the whole gym building and the surrounding outside. It would be a beautiful occasion.

Each day i watched as girls were gushing over what guy had asked them to the dance. Each day i waited for at least someone to ask me, no one did. I had hopes of going to the dance. Maybe using that money i had saved up over the past few months and buying a nice dress. I would actually do my hair and make up and look for once in my life as if i really was beautiful. But i couldn't go to prom without a date. Mike kept shooting me weird glances every time i caught his eye.

I wondered if he would ask me. Would i even go with him? Sure he wasn't bad looking, and he was kinda cute, but he just wasn't my type. I loved him like a best friend but that was as far as it went. It wouldn't be so bad dancing with him, if he even asked me. I at least would get to go to my first ever dance with someone who wanted me to go. I just hope that he knew that it was just as friends. I would have to make sure that he understood that, if he asked of course.

With the prom only a few days away i started to get anxious. I had heard from a friend that Edward was going with Rosalie. _Big surprise._ That had hurt but only a little. I couldn't judge him in the least. He was trying to be happy and so was i. I still hadn't found a date. I assumed that with more people getting to know me that someone would have asked me. But alas, that was not the case.

I went through my day as rushed as everyone else. The last minute stragglers that hadn't found someone to take them to the prom were busy scoping out the few remainders that were single. I myself was included. I didn't ask right out but i did try and be brave a few times. There was this cute guy in my math class who i had worked with earlier in the year. He was a nice guy with a nice smile. I figured that i would give him a chance. When i had asked him he had sincerely replied that he already had a date. _Well, there goes my luck._

The days passes in a blur. I was started to lose my cool. I had asked around about everyone who was single for the dance, the group was not too many. Mike was still available i learned but he hadn't asked me. I thought it would be weird if i had asked him. We had been friends since the start of the year, i didn't want to assume anything. I waited nervously that whole day and he still didn't ask. Looks like i wasn't going to the dance after all.

Not that it really mattered much. I had wanted to go but it wasn't a life or death situation. I could just stay at home and watch a movie. Get some work done on my senior project. It wasn't like i had to go to prom. I wasn't that type of girl that would just breakdown if they didn't go. Sure i was nervous about going. I had wanted to go after all. But it really didn't matter if i went or not. I could just stay home and enjoy the solitude.

At the end of the day i had grabbed my book bag and my coat and went for the bus. I didn't want to be late. I had small matters on my mind. Prom was this weekend and still i didn't have a date. It looked like a movie date was calling my name. I could rent some movies or maybe pick some up from the blockbuster down the road. Either way, the night would be fun. I loved having friends but sometimes i missed having my own space. Each day i was spiraled into a group of friends pretty much from the start.

People noticed a difference in me. I was still the same old Bella. I usually wore my hair up than down. I wore make up a little more now than i had before. I was still the same soft hearted girl i had always been. It just seemed like everyone was now seeing me that way finally. They had finally opened their eyes and seen me for who i really was. The funny thing is they actually like who i am.

I was walking down the walk way with a thousand thoughts going on in my head. Thoughts of what movie i was bound to rent this weekend when i heard someone call my name. I looked behind me to see Mike jogging up towards me. I still had a little distance to the bus so i could chat as i walked there.

"Yeah Mike, whats up?" i asked.

He had a hard time looking at me. His face was a unnatural shade of red. _Was he blushing?_

"Hey Bella, i ugh...i need to ask you something."

"Sure whats going on?"

"Nothing i just wanted to know..if maybe..you had a date...this weekend?" he asked shyly.

I almost laughed but i managed to stop it. His shyness was cute and funny at the same time.

"No Mike i dont have a date. Didnt Jessica want to go with you?" i asked. The last i heard of that, Jessica had came up to Mike and Mike had turned her down. Which made Jessica mad about why she had been turned down. I wondered about that myself.

"Yeah but i was hoping that maybe you would go with me.."

 _Okay, there it is._

"I would like to go yes, as friends of course." i say.

His smile falters just a little but he perks himself up. "That's great, i can pick you up Saturday night at say seven?"

It was Thursday so i had plenty of time to find a dress. I could talk more about it tomorrow with him. Weren't couples supposed to match accordingly?

"Sure."

He smiles and i walk past him to my bus. I had reached it by the time he had asked. Well, at least i have a date for prom. I just hope it turned out better than i expected. Mike was a cute guy but he was not...Edward.

That was the pure realization of it. I had shunned the man and now he had shunned me. Was i wrong for not going to the door that one night? Was i wrong for not trying to talk it all out? What could have possibly happened? I didn't think anything could have happened. I just was not optimistic about the whole Edward thing. Why? Because he pure and simple, was too good for me. He was out of my league and everyone knew it. Sure, i had tried at first. But really what was the point? I could put my whole heart into him and that wouldn't matter unless his heart was given back.

I was grateful that i was going with Mike, Blue eyes instead of Edward's green, but i still wished things were different. I believe we both were wrong. It had taken me some time to really figure that out. We both made some mistakes and as of this moment, i have no clue as to what even really happened. It didnt really matter anyway. The school year was closing in and pretty soon i would be far away from Forks. Many people say that 90 percent of High School relationships don't work out anyways.

A part of me had hoped i would have been that other 10 percent...

But life was life, and sometimes the best thing you can do is move on.

* * *

 **Authors note: Trying to make up for my slow updating. Thanks for reading and more to come. :D**


	21. Chapter 21

**Bella**

The next day was done is a rush. It was Friday night, tomorrow was prom. Everyone everywhere was going on and on about what they were wearing, who they were going with, etc. It was hectic the entire day. Pretty soon my whole group of friends had figured out that i was going with Mike. Most of them had congratulated us but one person wasn't too happy. Jessica had been glaring at me the entire day. It wasn't my fault that Mike hadn't wanted to go with her. I wasn't even sure why he wanted to go with me!

Mike was determined to wear a black tuxedo with blue lapels. That meant that i had to find something blue to match his. He had his outfit planned a week ahead of me. I had to hurry and find something that suited me.

"Blue will compliment you Bella." he had said at lunch.

"I haven't even went to the store yet Mike." i said laughing.

"Well, do it after school. I wouldn't want my partner showing up in the wrong color. That would be disastrous!"

I had laughed at that. Mike was cheerful the entire day. I was even happy myself. I couldn't wait for school to end so i could go and find something at the store. I had checked my savings last night and i had a good enough amount of money. I needed to find a nice blue dress with matching shoes. I could ask my mother for help but i doubt she would give it to me. I barely seen her anyway lately. She was always working late at the store.

When art class came around i was a little nervous. Edward was taking Rosalie so he was definitely going. He would probably look gorgeous in his tuxedo, Rosalie looking amazing standing beside him. I pushed my jealousy aside. If they were happy, so was i. I took my usual seat and waited for class to begin. Edward slid into his seat at his usual timing. The bell rang soon after.

My art teacher stood in front of the class and began his speech. His speeches were becoming more frequent now that school was coming to an end.

"I will be sad too see this class go. You will be moving onto bigger and better things, well most of you anyway." he said. The class laughed.

"As always, i wish to remind you that your projects will need to be done before the last week of school. It is paramount that you put as much detail as possible into this activity. Some of you are trying to get scholarships. This good mark on your record, so to speak, will help you along. Especially those that are pursuing a career in the field of the arts. Do your best and everything shall come after." He paused before continuing. "Also i know that tomorrow is an important day for all you young ladies and gentlemen, may i remind you to use proper behavior tomorrow? As you all should know i am one of your chaperon's. Please don't make me send one of you home for improper behavior."

The class laughed a little at that. I wasn't to concerned. I wasn't planning on doing anything improper that night. I was just going to a dance with a friend. I had been more concerned on what he said about the scholarships. I needed to make sure my project was ready. I turned to Edward, his eyes were busy looking at his journal. He was turned to me so i couldn't see anything but the cover.

"Ready for tomorrow?" i ask, trying to act casual.

"Yes, Rosalie is determined to wear pink...I hate pink."

I chuckled just a little, trying to banish the jealousy. Edward would look good in any color.

"Well i will be seeing you there. You cant look too awful in pink."

"Your going with that Mike kid right?" he asked.

"Yeah we have been friends since the start of the year." i say.

"Well i hope you have fun."

"Thanks, you too." i reply.

We spent the rest of the day talking about what we were going to do for the final end of our project. Edward wouldn't let me look at his journal no matter how hard i tried. It made me wonder what was inside? I didn't want to pressure him. It was obviously something important that he needed to keep hidden, for now at least.

"You do know that at the end of the year, i will need to see it." i said at the end of class.

"Of course, but its just not the right time for you to see it now."

He gathered up his things and left the room. I honestly didn't know what to make of that. _It wasn't the right time for me to see it?_ What could possibly be inside that i couldn't see? I was puzzled by that the whole day. Even on the bus ride home i couldn't get that out of my mind. Why could possibly be so secretive that he had to hide it from me? I guess i would find out at the end of the year.

When i got home, i wasted no time. I ran upstairs and got my money and out the door i went. It took me some time walking down to Sally's Apparel. Sally's was a store that i went into often but never had the nerve to buy anything. It was all fancy dresses and outfits. I skimmed over the dress section. There was almost nothing left in the smaller size section. It seemed like a lot of girls had already picked it clean. I was actually glad in that moment to be bigger than most of the girls in my school.

I found a section for my size and started looking. I found a few that were beautiful. One was a knee length baby blue with a low cut at the chest. It was pretty but i wanted something elegant. I kept looking until i found the right one. It was a light blue and it was something i had never seen before. It was long and covered most of my legs except for a slit up the right thigh. It was low cut at the top but not slutty. It had ruffles along the hem so that when i walked it flared around. It was beautiful and i was in love with it. It was a strapless dress and i wouldn't have to wear a bra with it. I couldn't have found anything more perfect. I tried it on and it fit wonderfully.

I took it to the cashier along with a pair of black heels. I wasn't used to the whole heel wearing business but i could figure it out. They were small heels anyway, i wasn't going to kill myself. _I hoped._ I paid for the items and walked home with a happier mood. I had everything that i needed. I was going to go against the grain and have my hair down for the dance. I wore my hair down only every once in awhile. Nobody would expect to see it down. I was thinking of even curling it and giving everyone a double take. No one would see the side of Bella that would be presented tomorrow.

It would be almost enough to make Edward jealous, almost.

* * *

 **Edward**

 _Mike Newton. Mike Newton. What was so good about Mike Newton?_

These thoughts plagued me all day. I couldn't get over the fact that Bella was going to the prom with that kid. What was so good about him? His family owned the hiking shop up over the hill but that was it. I couldn't shake the jealousy that was deep inside me.

It had been hard acting like everything was okay. It had been hell going through the day and sitting next to her pretending things were fine. I wanted nothing better than to just scream my feelings to her regardless of who listened. The year was almost over and then i would never see her again. She would be going onto Tucson like she so wanted and i would be going wherever it is i decided. There was only a few weeks before school ended. What was i going to do?

Rosalie had been stalking me for days. Her prim voice always speaking from around me. Eventually i had just given up and turned to her.

"Rosalie, did you want to go to prom with me?" i asked. After all, we had known about prom for weeks now.

"Of course Edward!" she had exclaimed.

It didn't take her long before the whole school knew that Edward was going to prom with Rosalie. In one sense, i was okay with that. I was going to prom with a pretty girl. Sure she was an airhead and there was nothing commendable about her but her beauty, but at least i wasn't sitting at home alone. A part of me hoped that Bella would find out and get jealous. That maybe she would come to my house and proclaim her love for me. I guess i was just a hopeless romantic. Bella had acted indifferent to the whole thing. And today i had found out she was going with that Newton kid.

 _That damn Newton kid._

Over the past few months i had left Bella alone. I didn't want to seem like a stalker and i assumed she would come to me when she was ready. She hadn't done a thing about it. She was nice to me and she talked to me, but that was it. She didn't come over anymore, she didn't even speak to me outside the art room. I honestly didn't know what to make of the whole thing. I had got it into my head that she was just playing with me. That this whole time she had just played with my feelings. But for some reason i was starting to doubt that. I would catch her looking at me with questions in her eyes. I could see the hidden meanings in her beautiful eyes. What was she not telling me?

She and i had both avoided each other in the sense we both didn't try to talk to each other. And now here i was going to prom with the witch of the west. I still had Rosalie's ramblings in my head.

 _My dress will be pink. You should dress in pink as well. You would look so good with a pink jacket. Your getting me a pink corsage right? Are you even listening to me?_

It was enough to drive any man insane. I really didn't want to go with Rosalie and she didn't want me either. We both knew what it was. Rosalie wanted to be Prom Queen. That's all that girl cared about was her social status. I was the hottest guy in school so that's who she went after. It didn't matter to me, i couldn't go with the woman i wanted. The woman i wanted wouldn't even speak to me.

It was partly my fault. I shouldn't have said the things i said to her. I should have went to her house and sat on her step til she came outside, or called the police. I should have tried my hardest. And after all that time i had just let it slip away. I had just been content with the daily rhythm of my life and hadn't even bothered. But now i was bothered, bothered by it all. Something had to be done, and quick. I couldn't let her leave Forks without knowing how i felt. I couldn't let her leave until i admitted that i was an idiot.

Matter of fact, we both were idiots. I didn't believe that the kiss had meant nothing. I had let my stupid thoughts corrupt what had happened. I believed that she didn't want me because of my past. I believed that she didn't want that kiss as much as i had. And look where it had left us. We were so far apart and it was driving me crazy.

I had to do something. What if her and Mike were more serious than she let on? What if she kissed him tomorrow night? I didn't think i could stomach the thought of her lips on his. I didn't think i could control myself either when i went over there and punched him in the face. I didn't know what i was going to do, all i knew was that it had to be soon. Before she was lost to me forever.

* * *

 **Authors: I hope i'm making up for the pause in the updating lmao.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Bella**

I had to admit that i was nervous. I had woken up hours before and had sat here for at least an hour straight. It was now 6 o'clock! Mike would be here soon and i wasn't even ready! I had to get a move on. I showered and shaved every place i could think of. I then slipped my dress over my body and adjusted it. I had to admit that i looked very beautiful in this dress. It complimented all my curves. I was used to wearing baggy clothes that hid everything. Here in this dress, i was nothing but beauty.

 _Maybe all these boys there tonight will regret not asking me after they see me in this dress._

I looked stunning. I slipped on my heels and practiced walking around in them. It wasn't as difficult as i had originally thought. I sat at my desk and peered into the mirror. What was i going to do with my hair? My mom had a curling iron and a quick look at you tube showed me how to do it. After an hour of curling and hair spraying i finally had it down. It was hard to believe that this hair was my own. It was thick and curly. It had a life of its own. My hair was long but i usually had to up. I was surprised at how beautiful it could be.

Next was my make up. I had looked in my mom's fashion magazines for something i liked. I was going to go elegant but sexy. I used my eye liner and drew lines on the bottom and top of each lid. Then i added a little curve at the end of the top for flair. Then came the white and blue eye shadow on top. I added just a little lip gloss to my lips and stepped back.

I almost didn't recognize myself! I looked absolutely stunning! My hair was beautiful and cascaded down my back. My eyes screamed desire. I sat there and stared at myself until i heard the door bell ring.

 _Crap._

I ran for my door and walked as quickly as i could down the steps. My dad was out in the garage and my mom was out. Hopefully Mike didn't expect to meet my parents. I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves. I opened the door with a smile.

The look on Mike's face when he seen me caused me to laugh. His eyes were huge as he took in my form. I swear no one has ever seen my cleavage before and this dress showed it modestly. Mike's face went beat red. He looked very nice in his tuxedo i had to admit. We would suit each over very nicely.

"You look very pretty Bella." Mike said, his voice coming out uneven.

I laughed, "As do you Mike."

He made to step inside the house, i put my arm up and stopped him.

"Listen, my parents aren't like normal parents. They aren't here waiting with a camera to capture the joyous moment." i say trying to make him understand. He apparently does right away.

"Oh, well i guess we can just get going then. Were going to meet the rest of the group outside." he says. His eyes still wide. _Sheesh, its like he never seen a girl before._

"Okay, is it going to be the usual?" i ask. I took his arm and he led me to his mom's car.

"Yeah, Ben is with Angela, Eric went with some girl from his science class, Lauren is with Tyler, and the others have dates they said."

"Well we shall have a fun night then." i say smiling. Mike turns to me and smiles. I was so happy at this moment. Mike opened the car door and i got inside. I was actually going to prom! I had never been asked to any of the dances in the other grades. Prom was important in this moment. I probably wouldn't even care about this when i was older. But for now, it was a glorious moment.

Mike chatted uneasily the whole time in the car on the way there. His eyes kept darting to my face, down my chest, and to my legs. I had to admit that i never dressed like this in school. I always wore jeans and i couldn't blame the poor kid. He probably didn't even know i had legs! My attire usually consisted of a t-shirt and jeans. I never wore skirts or shorts so he probably never even thought about the fact that i have legs just like any other girl. It was actually making me giddy. I looked very nice and i was glad of that fact.

We pulled up to the entrance of the school only to be stopped by traffic. Every car in all of Forks was here tonight. It would take us some time to find a parking space. Mike carefully maneuvered through the throng of people and slid next to a truck. I was just glad that we had actually found a spot. I opened the door and got out. My dress billowing in the soft wind. I had never felt as beautiful as i did now.

I linked my arm with Mike's and walked toward the entrance to the gym building. It was a modest size and i loved the decorations. They had made crepe banners that hung over the trees. Paper lanterns hung from the branches. The path way toward the gym was littered in confetti. They had done a beautiful job.

Mike was smiling ear to ear the entire time. I actually felt good standing next to him. I felt good having a date at all. We stepped up to the line waiting for admission into the gym. Couples signed their names on cards, kind of like a remembrance thing. When it was our turn we stepped up and Mike wrote his large and proud, i wrote mine under small. The chaperon was Mrs. Miley, the school secretary, she smiled at me and Mike.

"Don't you guys look lovely. Its so nice to see you Bella." she said. I smiled and thanked her. She took the card back from us and we walked past into the gym's main doors. I really had to thank the art department for the wonderful job they had done. There was no theme for the prom this year. It was simply done in colors of blue, pink, and gold. There was streamers draped across the ceilings and confetti everywhere. There was a DJ somewhere in the vicinity playing actual cool music. Tables were set up along the wall and the dance floor was already crowded with people. We apparently weren't the only ones who had come early.

Mike quickly spotted the group and we walked over to them. When they all seen us, they all seemed taken back. I actually felt a blush creep up my cheeks. _Was it really so surprising that i looked pretty tonight?_ Angela came over and gave me a quick hug.

"Bella you look so beautiful!" she gushed to me. She was wearing a pretty yellow dress that complimented her hair.

"You do too, Ange." i replied just as cheerful.

"My my Bella, i wasn't even sure you had legs." Tyler said, coming over with a smile.

"Thanks Tyler." i grumble. He laughs and i start to laugh. Mike lets go of my arm and motions for us to find a table. I sit down Mike on my left, and Angela on the right. I looked around the group. We had two tables full of just our friends. Lauren and Tyler were at the other table, which suited me fine. So many people here just laughing and having a good time. I could see and feel the mood in the air. I could tell this was going to be a good night.

I chatted with Mike and Angela for part of the night. We were waiting apparently til the music started to pick up. The crowd kept getting thicker and thicker as the time progressed. I was enjoying myself a little too much. I had to use the restroom so i excused myself and went towards the rear entrance. The bathroom was set in the back by the doors.

I walked slowly and couldn't keep myself from smiling. I smiled so much my face was beginning to hurt. My smile dropped when i seen his face.

He walked in with Rosalie's small frame on his arm. His green eyes flashed under the low lights. His suit was a deep black, apparently Rosalie had gotten her wish, he had a pink jacket underneath. His hair was gelled to the front. I swear i had never seen him so handsome. I halted in my steps, and for that reason is why i'm sure he seen me. I was the only non moving person around. Everyone else was walking, talking, and giggling. I was completely stationary like a dear in headlights.

His eyes found mine and it was almost like i was hit by a truck. His eyes looked into mine, then slowly went down my dress and took in all of me. A blush was creeping up my face. I could see a thousand emotions in his eyes. Desire was one of them. I felt myself coming back into control. I was no longer a deer in headlights. I blushed madly as i walked hurriedly to the bathroom. His gaze had unsettled me.

* * *

 **Edward**

I saw her, her blue dress almost white in the light. Her hair cascading over her shoulders. Her face, so beautiful it hurt. Bella looked absolutely stunning. The dress she wore clung to her in a way that i never would have imagined. Her make up outlined her already beautiful eyes. She didn't look like the Bella i had known. The Bella i knew always wore jeans and a hoodie. I had never seen her show her legs and i was almost saddened by that after seeing them tonight. That girl was gorgeous. She wasn't no size 2 and she didn't have a model figure, but by hell if anyone can say she wasn't sexy.

She had chosen well tonight. I almost lost myself in her eyes. She had caught me unaware. It wasn't like i didn't think she would be here, i knew she was going to be here. I just didn't think she would look that beautiful, that irresistible...

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I had slept with woman before. I hadn't been with anyone since the accident. I had steered clear of woman since then. There was just something in Bella that made me think of those things. It was starting to get so chokingly hot in this building. I tugged at my collar around my neck.

Rosalie clung to me like a choking vine. She pressed her chest into me at any moment she could. I didn't know if she thought that she was getting 'some' tonight or what, but it wasn't from me. I was regretting even bringing her in the first place. She looked pretty in her pink dress but she was screaming sex appeal. Why didn't woman understand that the sexiest thing a girl can do is be a little mysterious? Bella's dress showed just enough to make my imagination go wild. Rosalie left nothing for my imagination.

I led Rosalie over to her friends and left her. I walked over to mine, they were standing close enough to Rosalie's group that it wasn't like i ditched her. _Not that i really cared._ Rosalie and i hung out with the same crowd, the popular crowd. I didn't really care about anything but catching another glimpse of Bella. I watched in the direction i seen her going. I didn't even try and attempt at a conversation with my friends.

I seen her a few moments later. Her curvy form moving through the crowds. My heart lurched in my chest at the sight of her. I was let down when i seen where she went. She sat down with her friends and right next to Mike.

 _Damn that kid!_

What i would do to switch places with him right now. _Let him have this witch_ , i thought looking at Rosalie. She was about as interesting as paint drying. I was already starting to wish that i never asked her. It had been an impulse kind of thing. I hadn't thought that Bella would even go to prom, i didn't think she was that kind of girl. She seemed more of the laid back than the party girl. She had surprised me tonight, showing up as finely as she did. I needed to calm down before i lost it.

I turned to my friend Derek and struck up a conversation. Tonight was going to be a long night. I had a few hours of summoning my courage to just go over there and speak to her. Would she even welcome an advance such as that? Would tonight even matter? I didn't care. I had to say something or else my mind would just explode. That girl was inside my mind and there was nothing i could do to get her out.

I was trying to get my mind off of her when i felt a tug at my arm. A pink manicured hand was clutching at me.

"Are we going to dance Edward?" Rosalie asked.

 _Might as well_

"Sure." i replied, not too enthusiastically.

She gave me a sour look and took my hand. I let her lead me onto the dance floor. It was a high tempo song and she was grinding on me before i could even move. I tried my best to dance back, but after a few moments i realized i just couldn't do it. Her limbs were rubbing on me and i probably was the only guy in Forks to say, i didn't like it. I didn't want her dancing this close to me. It was an hour in, and already i was ready to leave. I was with the wrong girl.

I tried my hardest to remain calm and just dance with her. The song changed into a slow song and that's when i really lost it. Rosalie took my arms and wrapped them around herself. I looked around me and i seen her. Bella with Mike's hands on her waist. I couldn't stop the anger at that sight.

 _How dare he touch her?_

I wanted to go over there and just knock him out. I couldn't help these troubling thoughts that came pouring into my head. I didn't like the even thought of his hands touching on her body, anywhere! I looked down at Rosalie and her attempt at being sexy. It just made me sick. I felt sorry for this girl. She could grind on me all day and nothing would change. I didn't have any feelings for her at all. I didn't want her at all. I took her arms and pulled them off of me. Her eyes were incredulous as i stepped back.

"I'm sorry Rosalie. It's just not working." i say softly.

"What do you mean? How is it not working? Are you gay or something!" she shrieks into my face. I wasn't even really paying attention. My attention was consumed by trying to find Bella in the crowd. Rosalie snapped me out of it. She grabbed me and pulled me close.

"Listen, after the dance i will let you do anything you want. Anything..." she tries whispering into my ear. I recoil from her and cant help myself.

"That's definitely not what i want to be doing." i say to her.

Her face scrunches up as if shes having a hard time thinking. _Which she probably is._ I knew i was being mean to her, but she was a mean girl herself. She didn't care about me and i didn't care about her. There was no point in trying to fake anything tonight. I was not going to take her home and 'do' her and send her on her way. That was not how i did things. Not anymore anyway. She wanted a night of no regrets and that's not what i had for her. I left her there in the crowd. My eyes searching for the only girl that mattered.

I found her after a few moments of searching. Mike was closer to her than he had been before. His hands were low on her hips. I tried to be calm as i walked toward her, i tried to think rational, but rational wasn't my strong suit. I didn't even hesitate. I walked right up to her, pushed an incredulous Mike back, and took her into my arms. Her body felt right under my hands, and in this moment i didn't even think. I didn't need to think.

Her eyes were wide and she looked shocked, but i didn't care. I wrapped one arm around her body and the other hand i grabbed her chin with my fingers. I leaned into her and pressed my lips against hers. I heard silence as i kissed her. The whole gym was silent for this one second in time. I didn't care that a thousand eyes were upon us. I didn't care that her date was probably mad as hell behind us. All i could feel was her lips against mine, her body pressed into mine, and that was all that mattered. I didn't care about anything but us in that moment. And that moment was perfect.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Aww :D**

 **Well, what is in store for Bella and Edward next. Props to Edward for being all confident with his bad self ;D**

 **Updated 4 times today in the hopes that ya'll will forgive me for my negligence :D**

 **Stay tuned, and Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Bella**

I honestly didn't believe it. I was dancing with Mike and pretending that a certain someone wasn't around, when that exact person came over. He pushed Mike away from me and took me into his arms. His hands were around my waist and pressed possessively into me. I was not expecting that or his next action. He took my chin in his fingers and brought his lips to mine. I didn't even try and pull away.

His lips moved with mine and in that moment, nothing else mattered. I bet all the people around us were in for a shock. I couldn't have cared less. All that mattered was Edward and me. In that space in time it was if no one else existed. He sent fire travelling down my nerves with just the touch of his lips. His hands gripped me tightly around the waist. I lost myself in that moment. In that one moment...

All my past thoughts and views just faded away. All those words that were said and unsaid. All the tears and past suffering all seemed to vanish. This kiss showed what was really underneath. Once you shoved past all the dirt and grime, the reality laid underneath. We had been stupid and ignorant. Our past choices and mistakes defined who we were. I didn't see the events with my own eyes, i seen them through my own tinted vision. When Edward pulled away from me after our first kiss, my tinted vision had obscured what was really there. All those heart felt looks that his eyes have given me, all were obscured.

Now the glamour had passed and i could see the truth. I wanted Edward just as he wanted me. Our past didn't matter, only our future did. I had fooled myself into thinking that a man like him would never like a woman like me. I was wrong. I just was glad that i was one of the lucky ones and that i got to fix my mistake. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes, just sometimes, your luck comes out and it does happen for you. You just have to be smart enough to see it, as i was seeing it now.

I kissed him for what seemed like an eternity. His lips moving in sync with mine. I had never felt more at peace than i did now. I loved the feel of him around me. He was like a drug that i could never get enough of. His smile, his eyes, even the way he laughed, sent me into that bliss state of nirvana. I didn't want to stop kissing him but eventually he did pull away. I could feel the eyes of all those around us. They were just as shocked as i was.

"Can we talk please?" he asked me. His green eyes looking down into mine. _How could i refuse?_

"Yes." i reply.

He took my hand and pulled me out from the crowd. I smiled apologetically to Mike as we pushed past. I didn't feel guilty at all. This was where i was meant to be. I followed Edward out into the cool night. It was oddly empty outside. Most of the couples were still inside. There were gazebo's a few feet from the entry way for couples who wanted pictures taken. Edward led me over to one. I was getting more nervous as the kiss faded. How could i explain what happened?

Edward didn't drop my hand even when we walked under the gazebo. His gaze was light but also focused. I didn't even let him speak first.

"Edward i'm sorry." i say. His hand feels warmer in my grip.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." he says slowly.

"But i do. I should have came and talked to you. I shouldn't have hidden from you. All these months trying to stay away from you was pure torture. I did what was best for you, for me. I didn't allow myself to even entertain the idea that you could be mine. Because how on Earth could that be true?" i say in one harried breath. His gaze never left mine.

"Its my fault too. I should have explained things to you. I should have never let you walk away from me without explaining myself. I don't see how you see Bella, i only see how i see. And right now, your all i want to see." he says. My heart was beating uncomfortably inside my chest.

"I just could never see that. I thought you would never like someone like me. Someone average.." i said.

"Bella you are nothing short of amazing. The problem with people today is that no one takes the time to see whats really underneath. No one cares about who a person really is. They judge you by your looks or how much money you have and that's the end of it. I used to live in that judgement. I used to party every weekend. A new pretty girl on my arm almost every day. I never had to work for anything, i never had to go without something. And then my whole life shifted from underneath me. I saw myself in other peoples eyes and i realized that who i am is different than who i pretend to be. No one is as they seem. We all have things we carry deep inside us. Things that make our life more difficult than it needs to be. But do you know the one thing that makes it easier?" He said.

"What?" i ask.

"The ability to understand that no matter who we are, no matter what we do, we can be loved."

I couldn't help myself, i started to cry. What he spoke of made more sense than anything else i had heard. His whole life was different than mine but we shared a common ground, suffering. He suffered in different ways than i have but at the end of the day we both carried burdens. Your beauty does not define who you are, what you are matters more than something that easily fades. True beauty though, lasts forever.

Edward took his hands and grabbed my chin once again. He lifted my face to his. I could see the startling color of his eyes more clearly than i ever had.

"Now tell me Bella, are you loved? Can you be loved?" he asked me with a serious manner.

Can i be loved? Was i deserving of someones love. Sometimes i didn't think so. Sometimes all the pain just washed over me and made me think terrible thoughts. But at the end of the day, what mattered? I came from a broken home, i was not a goddess of a girl, but did that even matter? I was beautiful on the inside. Once you got to know me, you would think the same way. So why shouldn't i be loved? Why shouldn't everyone be loved?

"Yes Edward, yes." i say, my voice coming out rough.

Edward smiles, "There's my girl. You are beautiful and you are wanted Bells. Not just by me, but by everyone who matters. It has taken me a long time to see that but i finally do. I have wanted nothing more than to just kiss you lips. I have wanted to just hold you to me. My foolish inner demons led me to believe that i repulsed you. That was my mistake." he said.

"My inner demons made me think that i was not good enough for you. All our encounters were all replayed in my head with reality bleeding away. I could not believe that you would ever want me." i say lowering my eyes.

"Bella look at me."

I look up and i see the answer that has been staring at me this whole entire time. Edward loved me. It was clear as day in his eyes. Eyes are supposed to be the gateway into the soul and in this moment i swear i could see it. He pulled me close and once again his lips were on mine. I could feel nothing but the heat building up inside me. I was aware of anything else except for Edwards lips on mine. He pulled back and smiled.

"I love you Bella, i have loved you for a long time. Can you ever forgive me?" he asked. His hands were still locked in mine.

"If you can forgive me."

"Then everything is the way it should be?" he says.

I smiled, "Yes."

Finally in my life things were starting to come through. Edward was what i needed, and i was what he needed. A single event that pulled us together and shaped us into who we were now. Nothing would ever make our past go away. Nothing would ever erase all the tears. But together we could make our own way. Together we could do anything that we set our minds too.

We held hands under that gazebo for what felt like forever. His voice resounding in my ears telling me all the things that deep down inside i already knew. We had tried hiding it from each other. We had tried pretending it didn't exist, but the heart wants what the heart wants. My heart wanted him. My foolish thoughts had tainted the whole picture. We had wasted months of time fighting within ourselves just to realize that we had nothing to fight over. I didn't know whether to smack myself or smack him.

We talked for an hour before i noticed that people were starting to spill outside. Apparently couples were getting tired of the dancing and wanted to walk around. I wasn't to entirely thrilled by tonight's dance so i turned to Edward.

"Prom really isn't for me." i said.

He smiled, "Yeah, not really my thing either."

He takes my hand and we walk around the building and towards the parking lot. I really didn't want to stand around much longer anyway. When we were almost to the car i turned to him.

"So what does that make us?"

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"Are we together? Are you and me..." i said letting the sentence hang. He smiled at the corner of his mouth. I could see happiness in his expression.

"Bella you are everything that i need and more. If you would please grace yourself in my presence from now on i would really appreciate it. If you would also kindly be my girlfriend i think i would like that just as much."

I had to laugh at his regal tone as he spoke. "Well of course Edward, that would be delightful."

He smiled and we continued on to the car. I didn't really want to go home yet. It was only 9 o'clock. Way too early to be going home, especially on prom night. We got into his car and he pulled out of the parking lot. I had so many things on my mind. I was so happy and nervous at the same time. Edward was mine. He was so handsome, smart, and all the things that i had ever wanted. And he was mine!

It was almost hard for me to believe. Things just didn't happen this way for me. I usually ended up with the short end of the stick. It almost seemed to good to be true. But sitting in his car, the light shining in from the windshield, i could see all i needed to see. Edwards right hand was holding mine. His eyes were on the road but i could tell his thoughts were on me. And that's all that really mattered.

So we drove on into the night. Both of us dressed so finely and looking out of context with the rest of the world. With Edward's hand in mine i would face anything that life had to throw at me. With every day i could wake up and be happy. I was loved, and i was wanted. No matter what other people say. No matter what other people think. Your worth does not diminish because other people cannot see it. That's a hard lesson i have learned and i wont ever forget. No matter where life takes us, it usually gives us the greatest gifts of all. If only we care enough to see them.

I almost didn't want to wait for tomorrow to begin, but i also didn't realize that my night was far from over.


	24. Chapter 24

**Edward**

Tonight had ended better than i had thought. I kept my eyes on the road but i still couldn't ignore the presence of Bella next to me. Her dress showed just enough leg to get my blood pumping. I had to use all my concentration just to focus on the road in front of me. I honestly didn't think that it would have ended like this, it ended better than i had hoped for. The trees whooshed past me in a blur. I was eager to get where i was going. I wanted things to be special, for her. I wanted her to remember this night. I didn't want her regretting leaving the dance. I had a lot of things on my mind.

I didn't know what i expected at the dance. Bella to refuse me, push me away, tell me to get lost. All of those had a good chance of happening. I had wanted just one last kiss. Instead i have gotten more than just one. I was one lucky guy. I couldn't help but laugh on the inside at Mike's expression on his face. I didn't mean any disrespect, but this woman was mine. She would always be mine. It was best that he learned that.

"Where are we going?" she asked me.

"I was thinking we could maybe go back to my house? If that's fine with you?" i replied.

"Sure." she said.

I could tell she was nervous. I just had planned a surprise for her. I had put it together before i even knew that it would work. I just hoped that she would like it. If the whole night had went down the toilet the sight of my surprise would have crushed me. I thanked the heavens for giving me this wonderful opportunity. I had put some thought into tonight.

We had a two car garage and i had transformed the garage to my own purpose. I hung lights and my mother helped with decorations. I didn't know if i would be bringing Bella here, but i had hoped. I had lit some candles and set up a small sound system. I didn't want to dance at the gym, i wanted to dance here. I just hoped that she loved it as much as i loved doing it for her. I wanted us to have our own private prom. I wanted to show her how much i cared.

I pulled up the gravel driveway and parked the car. I turned to her and tried to hide my nervousness. I was nervous, more nervous than i had ever been. She made me feel feelings that i had never felt before. I embraced them whole heartedly but they still left me winded. I usually wasn't nervous around any girl. Bella was something else. She wasn't just your average girl. She was the girl that had my heart in her hands. I was nervous but i also was determined. I would show her that she is special to me.

"I have a surprise for you." i say.

She turns to me and smiles shyly. "What is it."

"Come and see." i say.

I get out of the car and go to her side. I open the door open for her and waited til she got out. I took her arm and linked it with mine. Her skin was warm to the touch. I loved being close to her. I did my best to calm my ever beating heart. I led her over to the garage doors.

"Are you ready?" i asked.

She nodded her pretty little head. I felt that was an adequate answer.

I had the garage doors linked to the music box. I hoped that it would work out as i planned. I hit the switch on the outside of the door. Soft sweet music came from under the door. The door slowly started to lift. I waited until it was halfway before i turned to her. I watched as her face lit up as she slowly seen into the garage. It was a romantic idea and i hoped that she liked it. She invoked these kinds of feelings in me that no one else had.

I watched as her eyes took in the garage. I had cleared it all away and there was a small space for dancing. I had asked my mom to park the cars out in the driveway. My mother and father had taken Alice out for the night. My father had equipment that allowed Alice to spend a day or two outside the home. It was for me, as well for her. She was feeling better this week than she had felt in a long time. I suggested they travel up to Port Angeles for an evening out. Thankfully, they had done so. I didn't want anything to disturb this night.

"How did you..How did you know i was coming with you?" she asked me.

"I didn't." i replied.

I took her into my arms and brought her close. Her vanilla perfume reaching my nose and making me inhale. I loved the sight of her, the smell of her, i loved all of her. I put my hands on her waist and i led her into a waltz. She followed my lead and away we went. Her smile lit up her entire face. I loved seeing her smile. It was ten times better because i was the one who had brought about that smile.

I cant tell you how badly i wished that i could have stayed in her arms forever. Her eyes were glittering in the low light and she looked so beautiful. Funny thing was, she was mine. She pushed her body close to mine and i allowed my arms to wrap her tight against me. I had never felt this alive in my life. We slowly just danced around in a circle. Her arms pressed into my back, my arms wrapped her shoulders. I loved the feel of her beside me.

We danced like that for some time. Her head was eventually resting against my shoulder. I had never felt more at ease. We were just enjoying each other's time and presence. I couldn't imagine the night ending more beautifully. I was with the girl i loved. The girl that meant the world to me. I was tired of forever holding myself back from loving her. I was tired of seeing her everyday and not saying what i needed to say. I should have told her months ago, instead of tonight. I was still glad for the chance.

I didn't anticipate her coming here. I didn't realize how close she was to me. I could feel her breathing into my ear. I could feel her body pressed so close to mine. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted her more than i had wanted anyone. I wanted her near me at all times. She had gotten inside my heart and there was no way i was getting her out. I stepped back from her and stared into her eyes.

"I love you Bella." i say.

She looked at me with her warm brown eyes and i could see all i needed to see.

"I love you too." she says.

It had taken us months to finally acknowledge that. Many months of frequent awkward silences, laughs, and all those good things. I hadn't fallen for her in a day, it had been more than that. She had seen me at my weakest and still wanted me. She had accepted me with all of her being. I had accepted her with all of my being. That was the way things went when you loved someone. I had never really been in love.

I've been with girls and I've had my fair share of girlfriends. But none of them made my heart feel like its about to explode. I didn't yearn for them like i yearned for her. I also knew that people were going to talk. I had heard the silence when i kissed her in the gym. I knew that trouble was bound to be started. I really didn't care. I deserved to be happy as much as the next guy. People should just let others be happy and mind their own business. I had found what i was searching for.

This girl had me bewitched and i honestly couldn't think straight when she was around. Just the sight of her looking at me with those beautiful eyes drove me wild. Just the thought of her soft lips pressed into mine. It was too much for me to handle. She was so soft and inviting. Her lips begged to be kissed. Her body begged to be touched. My feelings for her only enhanced my desire for her.

I couldn't help myself, i leaned forward and i kissed her. Her lips warm against mine. Her hands came up to circle around my neck and i honestly lost control. I kissed her more fiercely with everything i had. I pulled her into me as close as i could get. Her body formed around mine. There was no space between us. I kissed her lips and then i kissed down her throat. A soft sigh escaped her lips and that was my undoing.

I kissed lower and lower down her neck until i reached the top of her dress. That was when she stopped me.

"Edward, stop." she said. It was hard, but i stopped.

"What is it?"

"I've never...done anything...with anyone." she murmurs softly.

"Never?" i asked incredulously.

"Never." she confirms.

"I wont pressure you to do anything Bella, you know that." i say pulling away from her.

"But i...i want too." she finally says.

I pulled her closer towards me and kissed her urgently on her lips. She clutched her hands to me and i knew what i was going to do. I pull away from her with as much effort as i could find. I grab her hand in mine and lead her into the house. It was only a few short minutes until i had reached my bedroom. I opened the door and she followed me in. I would make sure she knew i loved her. I would show her my love, today, tomorrow, and tonight. She would always know the feelings i had for her. She would always know that my love was true. She meant so much to me that nothing else mattered. The only thing that mattered was her body close to mine.

I took her into my arms and i kissed her until the night faded away.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **This is a TEEN fiction lmao. So that's as far as it goes.**

 **Stay tuned and more to come :D**

 **p.s I also revised and added some things since i posted it originally.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Bella**

That Monday all's i encountered was stares and whispers. It was worth it though. That weekend had been amazing. I could not believe that it had happened to me. Edward had shown me more of himself than i had ever known. We had spent that entire night in each others arms. His kisses trailed fire down my body. The next morning, we had spent time with his family. Esme was happy to see Edward so happy. She was all smiles that morning. I was glad that i was not the only one.

It had been a sad night when it was time for me to go home. I couldn't get away with another day away from home. I really didn't think anyone from my house would have noticed. My mother rarely was home herself and my dad rarely ever was sober enough to notice. I had to return and i was not enjoying it at all. Edward had held my hand the entire car ride home. When we had pulled into the driveway he had taken him in his arms. I loved nothing more than to smell his cologne of his shirt. He had kissed me for the hundredth time. I could never get enough of his kisses.

Monday was a whole different story. I had awoken early that morning to make myself look nice. I wanted people to remember me from that one night at Prom. I was feeling way better about myself than i had ever before. That night with Edward had proven that all my worries were stupid. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. As long as Edward wanted me, i was fine.

Edward had picked me up Monday morning to take me to school. He had asked me last night if he could which i assured him that was fine. When we pulled into the parking lot i almost didn't want to get out.

"Whats wrong Bella?" he asked me. His green eyes taking in my nervousness to open the door.

"Just nervous about today." i replied.

"Whatever for?" he said. I gave him an arched eyebrow. "Bella, don't worry about what others say. It really doesn't matter. As long as were happy, right?"

He leaned over and gave me another quick kiss. I almost lost myself in these moments. I pulled away and opened the door. I swear eyes followed me everywhere. I managed to make it through the first half of the day just fine. Edward met me after every class to walk me to my next one. It was very romantic. He even held my hand at every chance he could. That made my heart swell each time. I could practically smell the jealousy in the air.

No one said anything to me during my classes but i knew lunch time was coming. Edward had a different lunch period than i did. He left me at the door with a quick kiss and i went inside. I made my way toward the line and got a tray and simply let it be filled. I sat down at my usual table. Mike was sullen sitting near Jessica. All conversation stopped when i sat down. I acted as if nothing was wrong and just picked at my food.

"So you and Edward?" Angela said after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Yes." i said.

That appeared to break the silence. A few of the girls wanted to know how i had magically captured the hottest guy in school. The rest of the table ignored me completely. Lauren was shooting me evil glares but that was not anything new. Jessica was trying to capture Mike's attention. I needed to apologize to him. I had felt bad for just leaving him like that, but it was a chance of a lifetime. He had to realize that, right?

When the lunch bell rang i caught up to Mike.

"Hey, i just wanted to say i'm sorry for what happened the other night."

"For what? Ditching me at prom?" he says with scorn.

"Mike, listen it wasn't like that. I've had a thing for Edward for a long time now. We both feel the same way."

"Yeah whatever." he says and tried to walk away.

"Mike come on, you cant be that mad at me. I told you we were just going as friends." i say.

"Bella...I really don't care. I just thought it was messed up that he never wanted anything to do with you until he saw you with me."

"That's not really-"

"Yes it is," he says "He never looked at you until last night. When you were so pretty. Half of the guys in this school are now second guessing their thoughts."

"What do you mean?" i say. A little irritation coming out in my voice.

"Bella when you got here you were just some girl. You've been here for years and no one noticed. Not being mean, just saying how it is. I welcomed you into the group without you looking like you did. Next thing you know, prom comes around, and he suddenly decides he wants you. Half of the guys now are reevaluation their decisions. I just think its messed up is all."

"That's not how it is Mike!" i say a little loudly.

"Well that's how it seems to me! I thought you were pretty before you dolled yourself up. I asked you to prom because i could see you for what you were. And now that Romeo comes along, i got dropped? I thought you of all people know better than to be swayed by a pretty face like that. Hes bad news."

I pushed past him and made my way to my next class in a mood. I couldn't believe what he had said to me. None of that was true. Edward had been into me from the start. Is that what people thought? Was that Edward only wanted me because i had actually looked like a real girl? That somehow putting make up on and doing my hair now made me a female? What kind of crap was that? And the part about the other guys reevaluating their decisions was just utter crap.

Mike was just jealous. Like everyone else it seemed. The more i looked, the more i noticed the angry glares from a lot of girls. They were all jealous that i had Edward. I wondered if he was getting any looks today? Why were people acting so stupid? What did it matter who i was with? Shouldn't they be worrying about who they are with? I couldn't wait for this day to be over. I couldn't stand all the looks i was getting.

Art class rolled around and i was a little anxious. Edward couldn't meet me because his class was all the way on the other side of the school. I walked there myself and took a seat in our usual seats. The art teacher was busy writing away inside his class schedule. The bell had not rung yet. I tapped my pencil on the desk and waited for Edward to show up. I felt a hard tap on my shoulder. I turned around into the face of the devil.

"So how did you do it?" Rosalie asked. Her narrow hands on her hips. Her eyes were angry and i couldnt blame her.

"How did i do what?"

"Bewitch Edward. What did you do? Blackmail him or something?" she asked.

"No he happens to like me." i say.

She laughed at that. "Don't kid yourself Bella. He only wants you because your desperate. An easy lay."

I didn't answer her. I wasn't giving her the satisfaction. She stood there trying to be all tough but i could see underneath it. She was jealous too.

"Everyone knows a man like that doesn't want someone like you. Men like that belong with girls like me." she said, "No one in their right mind would choose you over me. So what did you do?"

I ignored her. Luckily the bell rang. Rosalie had no choice but to go sit down. I let my shoulders relax as she walked away. It was almost the end of the year. Only a week left until school was out. I would only have to deal with this a little bit more. Edwards arrival took my mind off of things. He entered late as he always did. Our art teacher never seemed to mind. He took his seat next to mine and immediately grabbed for my hand.

We spent the rest of the period talking among ourselves. My journal was now almost completely filled. He had been doing work on his as well, he still wouldn't let me see.

"Its almost the end of the year. I have to see sometime." i say.

"Soon." he replied.

When the end of the day arrived, i was more than grateful. I walked to his car with a smile on my face. It had been a weird kind of day but i would take anything this life had to throw at me. I had Edward to comfort me. Edward Cullen was actually mine. It seemed to good to be true. He had liked me over anyone else. He had chosen me over anyone else. It was a miracle all in itself.

I met him at his car and he pulled me into a hug. His strong arms wrapped around me in a comforting way. I leaned into him and just enjoyed the moment. He pulled away and we got into the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and started for my house.

"How was your day?" he asked.

"Eventful." i reply.

He laughed, "yeah mine too."

"Did you get weird stares too?" i asked.

"Weird stares? No, i got questions upon questions."

"Why is our relationship so important to other people?" i ask.

"Probably because they see us and want what we have. They wonder why they too cant have it."

"Well maybe they should stop trying to butt into our relationship and go find one of their own." i say. He smiles and takes my hand.

"Don't let it get to you. Pretty soon school will end and nobody from school will matter much."

"Except you." i say.

"Yes, except me and you. I just brush it off. This world is full of people who will destroy what they cannot have. They would rather everyone be miserable."

We spent the rest of the ride talking about random things. When we got to my house i really didn't want to leave him. I leaned across the seat and took him into my arms. I could never get enough of just being with him. I kissed him softly on his lips and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Can you believe it took us a whole year to get to this point?" i say into his ear.

"I regret not a minute of it. Except, i do wish i would have kissed you sooner. Then i would have had more time with you."

I smiled and leaned away. I said my good byes and went into the house. My father was out banging stuff around in the garage and my mother was no where to be seen. I couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear. Edward's kisses were still very real on my lips. I missed him already. So many thoughts were going off inside my head. The day ended too soon for me. I wanted more time with him. I wanted to be around him at all times. Didn't he realize this? I hoped that he felt the same way that i did. I was in love with him and he was all i ever wanted. Now that i had him, i just couldn't believe it. Edward was mine.

No matter what anyone said, i was happy and i deserved to be. We had both found each other and we both wanted the same things. We wanted to be accepted for who we were, our past included. We came from different walks in life but we were the same inside. There was nothing anyone could do that would tear us apart. We were meant to be. And sooner or later, everyone else would see that.

All's it takes is a little bit of time.

* * *

 **Authors note: Sorry for the wait.**

 **More to come in the following days.**

 **Stay tuned, and thanks so much for the support.**

 **I hope to finish this fan fic soon enough, and i was thinking about a sequel lol.**

 **Don't know yet.**


	26. Chapter 26

Bella

The next few days passed beautifully. I almost couldn't believe that Edward was mine. It still hadn't sunk in that me and him were a "thing". Everyday i got to kiss his lips. Everyday i got to see him smile. It was almost as if i was indeed in Heaven. I never got tired of it.

School was winding to a close. Most of the students were getting over our relationship. Though some still had sour looks upon their faces, Rosalie especially. I was almost smug whenever i seen her blonde hair whip around to glare at me. I shouldn't be happy that she was unhappy, but somehow i was. It was like karma coming back around to smack her in the face. The rest of my friends were starting to get used to the idea of me and Edward as a couple. Mike wasn't happy about it though.

"Bella," he said to me one day, "I can see that talking you out of it isn't going to help anything. So i will just tell you this. Be careful."

"Be careful of what Mike?" i said a little huffy.

"Just, you know about guys like that. The ones who have had it all. You know how they don't want anything serious. I have seen men leave woman just because they got bored with them. I don't want that to happen to you."

"Mike you have to stop living your life like a sit com. Sometimes people do like each other and are not out to hurt each other. Edward and i are not just messing around, were in a serious relationship. I doubt that you would know anything about that." I said, my temper getting the best of me.

"Listen i'm only trying to help. I don't want to be here picking up the pieces."

I hadn't even bother to reply. I had walked away and i haven't spoken to him since. Some people just weren't happy if you were happy. It was almost as if they were trying to leech anything that they could. Mike wanted me, couldn't have me, so he tried to scare me away from Edward. Well, sorry but that wasn't happening. I knew Edward and i knew that he wouldn't hurt me like that. We meant more to each other than that.

I put all the negativity behind me. I tried not to let anything get to me. I was more worried about the end of the year. I had done very well in all my classes. The only thing was the scholarships i applied too. I had applied to several in the hopes that i would get chosen for at least one. The art scholarship was the one i had my sights on though. It would mean everything to me to win that. I tried not to let anything interfere with my goals. I tried to keep nothing rattling around in my head in fear that i would get to worked up and forget something. There was so many things to remember. I had to get papers signed and sent in and call various people in different states. It was becoming a mind rattling occasion.

The only thing that i had on my mind, besides Edward, was my scholarship project. Edward still wouldn't let me look at his book. We were now in the last Art class before we had to turn it in. I was struggling to get the book from under his arms.

"Bella no." he teased softly.

"Edward i need to see it. What if its not perfect? I need that scholarship."

"You will see it when i'm ready to let you see it. Okay? Trust me its worth it."

I glared at him through furrowed brows. Why was he being difficult? It wasn't like he had some deep dark secret, i already knew it already. I knew what ate him alive so that couldn't be it.

"We really don't have time for these little games. If our books don't correlate then i can kiss that scholarship good bye."

"You will see it when everyone else sees it."

I frowned and accepted defeat. Edward just simply wasn't going to allow me to see it. At the end of class i walked slowly up to the teachers desk. He had instructed us to leave our projects in the open bin. I slid my overflowing journal into the pile of other projects. I had clipped a piece of paper detailing what i did and why. I waited for Edward to join me. He came up beside me and put the book on top of mine. He took my hand and we left the classroom.

There was no going back now. It all depended on those two single books. My scholarship could be in my grasp. I could be leaving this town for good in only a few short weeks. I just hoped that whatever Edward did, it was good enough. I had faith in him and his abilities, i just didn't have faith in myself. Bad things usually happened to me, so i couldn't stop worrying.

I made it through the rest of my day in the usual manner. Edward met me outside my last class. He took my hand once again and we walked to his car. It was a usual thing now a days for me to get a ride from him. It meant that i didn't have to ride the nasty yellow bus ever again. He opened the side door and i climbed inside. I waited for him to get into the drivers seat before i leaned over and pressed my lips against his.

The school had a policy about being to touchy feely so it was difficult for us to get in kisses during school hours. They couldn't say anything about us in the parking lot. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer into me. His lips reacted to mine and pretty soon it was getting pretty steamy inside the car. He pulled away from me with major hesitation.

"I was hoping to take you somewhere today."

I arched an eyebrow, "Where?"

"Just a place that i found when i was walking around."

He wouldn't tell me anymore. I wondered what was so great about this secret place? Did he have his own secret bat cave? What place could be so special that he wanted to show me? In all honesty i really didn't care, i just was happy to be around him. I would go anywhere he wanted to take me.

He started to head down the secluded road by his house. Instead of taking the usual way he branched off down an even more secluded dirt road. I hadn't even noticed this road before. It was hidden by bushes and tall grasses. The branches scratched at the windshield as we passed through. He drove down the dirt road for a few more minutes until it came to an end. He parked the car, gave me one wicked smile, and got out. I went after him.

He was all smiles when he took my hand. "Follow me."

He led me to a path, this path was overrun with bushes and branches. It was going to be one hell of a hike. I tried not to complain but sometimes it was hard. Tree branches were my enemies. I always managed to stumble and trip over whatever was in my way. Sometimes all it took was empty air and i would crash to the ground. I was thankful for Edward's strong grip. He was the reason why i didn't knock myself out on a rock or cut my knees open.

When at last i finally couldn't take the survivorman tactics i turned to him and said, "Listen i don't think i can stand another branch smacking me in the face."

He laughed, "Bella were here."

"Where? In the middle of no where?" i said, my voice rising.

Edward dropped my hand and walked over to a mass of wild bushes. He grabbed a branch and heaved it over. A wide splash of light illuminated the forest floor. I watched him as he disappeared into the light. I tried not to kill myself as i went to follow him. I closed my eyes as i stepped out into a meadow.

I could not believe my eyes. This had to be the only place in Forks where the sun could reach the ground. Sunlight basked the meadow in warm fuzzy light. Beautiful flowers cascaded the hills all around me. Forks had too many trees blocking the sun for sunlight to show. Mostly the sky was cloudy and gloomy, but not here. Here it was like a whole new place.

"Pretty isnt it?" Edward said. His hands were folded at his elbows and he looked smug.

"Why didnt you tell me that you were taking me to a sunlight filled haven, instead of making me think you were taking me out here to slaughter me?"

He laughed and dropped his hands. "I found this place a few months ago. I was having a hard time dealing with things and i just wanted to walk until i couldn't walk anymore. Instead i found this place. The one place were no matter how dark my thoughts are, they never stay in the dark. There is too much sunlight here for that."

I walked over to him and put my arms around him. "That's beautiful."

"Your beautiful. That's why i wanted to show you this place. To remind you that no matter how dark everything may seem, there's got to be a light somewhere."

I hugged him close to me. If not for him, i would still be the same person i had been. I would not have opened my eyes and seen what was truly there. Each day he reminded me of the things that sometimes i forgot. Each day he drove away all the inner pain. I owed him so much for everything that he has done.

"You are truly the most amazing person i have ever known." i said.

"I wouldn't say that, i just see the world differently."

"Yeah, i just wish other could see it too." i said softly.

"Someday they might, all's it takes is one glimpse of the truth and that's all it takes."

"Sometime's the truth is hidden very well though." i countered.

"Yeah, some people aren't as lucky as us. You are my light."

I smiled and hugged him closer. All the words he has ever said rang through my mind. He was right. All's it takes is one person to come into your life and change how you think about things entirely. One kiss, one word, one action and you life will change. For the better, or for the worse, time can only tell. I had found my anchor, my light, and each day he helped me. Each day he gave me strength. I felt as if together we were healing each other. That each day we spent meant more of our wounds were healing. That each day a little more pain was disappearing. I cherished each and every day. For who really knows, when you will ever have another.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Sorry for the long wait. I have been extremely busy as well as starting a new job. It has been a hectic few months for me. I hope to finish this out within the next few chapters. So stay tuned! Thanks for reading.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Bella**

 **Early morning.**

I woke up to the sun hitting me in the face. I groaned and rolled over. I didn't want to get up but i knew i had to. Today was the day when our projects were to be presented in the auditorium. I would receive my answer as to whether i received the scholarship or not. It was already starting to make my stomach upset. I got out of bed and hurried to get dressed.

I was outside, the rain was steadily dripping onto my hoodie's hood. Edward was running late. This was unusual for him. He was usually already out here and waiting when i came outside. It was getting closer and closer to the time that the bus was going to be here and leave. I couldn't wait any longer. I trudged my way over to the bus stop.

I pulled out my cell phone and sent a quick text to Edward.

 _Where are you?_

I didn't receive an answer. Maybe he was just running late, or slept in. I didn't have time to think about it. The bus pulled up and i got on. I kept checking my phone a thousand times by the time we pulled up to the school. I was starting to get worried but i had so much to do. Today was only a half day. We received our grades and the scholarship's we had applied to were to come back to us. It was a big day. We would get our diploma's in a week.

I hurried to my homeroom where i was to wait with the rest of the students. I couldn't control my apprehension. I tried to keep my thoughts away from my project but Edward kept crawling into my mind. I wondered what was up with him. I wish i had my own car because then i could have went and found out. I would have to wait til the end of the day to try and figure out why he wasn't there this morning. Unless he showed up late, that would explain things.

The first half of my half day was boring. I had to listen to lectures on college and college behavior. Each minute that ticked by i was becoming more worried. Edward still hadn't texted or shown up. My phone was cold and silent in my jeans pocket. There was still no news as to what was going on.

It was now closer and closer to the viewing. I tried to remain calm but i couldn't. My heart was beating painfully inside my chest. When it was finally time i almost was jogging to the auditorium. Most of the kids i passed were smiling and walking casually. I was jogging like my life depended on it, because it did. Without that scholarship i wasn't going to be leaving Forks. I was going to have to settle down in this town. The town that i desperately wanted to be rid of.

I opened the doors and squeezed through all the other students. Our principle, Mr. Merryweather, was standing on the stage. He called out attention.

"Welcome students, though i will be sad to see you all go. It will be onto a better life that you will be going. I hope that you all put forth serious consideration as to what you will be doing after you leave here. I will be sorry to see you go, but i hope that you all go where you planned. Your senior projects are all graded and each project has its own envelope. Inside each of the packets you will see your grades, your scholarships, and hopefully your acceptances. I wish all of you luck!"

I barely heard the words he said. I desperately searched the tables for any sign of my name. At last i found it. My journal was placed on a table alongside Edward's My packet seemed to glare at me. My fingers shook as i went to pick it up. I broke the clasp and pulled out the papers.

Most were ordinary papers, grades, comments and farewells from my teachers. It was the next few that i really wanted to see.

 _Gifted Students Art Scholarship_

 _Dear Isabella,_

 _We are delighted to inform you that you have ranked top in your class alongside a fellow student. Your senior project moved us to tears and we are excited to inform you that you have been accepted for the scholarship. More details will be sent out in the following days. Thanks so much for your time and effort._

 _Chairwoman_

 _Miranda Ferandez_

My heart almost dropped to the floor. I was accepted! I had the scholarship and that meant that i wouldn't be here in Forks next year! I would be enrolled in college up in Tucson! Things couldn't get much better. I reread the note and paused on something.

 _Your senior project moved us to tears_

What had she meant by that? Sure, i put a lot of heart felt things inside my journal but i didn't think it deserved that much praise? Each page was a different story. The beginnings of my journal had a dark tint to them. That was before Edward had entered my life. With each day my pages became more colored, more lifelike. It was all due to him. But surely that wasn't all there was? Wait! Edwards journal!

I put mine down on the table and picked his up. It was lighter than mine and more elegant. Its pages were neat and slim. I opened up the first page.

 _All the things that i hold dear._

That was written in his elegant script. I turned the page. Each page was bits and pieces of Edward. He had gotten a picture of him playing the piano. He also added in bits of himself through poetry and simple words. He had done a beautiful job. Each picture sung so loud into my heart. I could see the pain in each page. He had drawn many pictures that depicted his life.

There was a page of him drawn standing alone inside a group. The next page was him standing on a dark road watching an ambulance drive away. Each page was a heart wrenching episode of his life. Each one was done in dark blacks and harsh grays. It was truly a piece of art.

I flipped through half the book before i found that the pages were changing. The drawing and pictures were starting to appear differently. The dark ink was being replaced with lighter ink. He had drawn in contrasts to make a difference, and the difference was staggering. This journal was like a piece of his life. It showed all the things that he held dear.

The next page i was looking at was a photo of me.

It broke my heart but not all in a bad way. He had pictures and drawings of me, of us. Each drawn in a lighter coloring and the feel of the picture was different. In the early stages of the book, the pages with Alice were dark and gloomy. Now he drew her in a happier light. He drew a picture of them holding hands. Her small frame made to seem stronger due to his stature. I also noticed something else. My face was everywhere. He drew me smiling, laughing, talking. He captured the many things that made me, me.

It was a beautiful representation of loss and a sense of peace. He had overcome his demons, made peace with himself, and it was partly due to me. It was enough to send a single tear cascading down my cheeks. Edward had found in me what he was always missing. A soul that matched his and was able to make him feel again.

He didn't see himself the same way anymore. I didn't see him the same way anymore. From that first day of senior year to the last day, he was forever changing. He didn't want me to see this book because it wasn't finished yet. The last page in his book was a drawing of us, standing in the meadow. The colors were all bright and warm. All the dark had been erased from his drawings. At the end, all that was left was light.

It made my heart break in a good and bad way. It was beautiful. Edward had created something so beautiful, so moving. The chairwoman had seen that and had granted me what i wished. Because of Edward i was going to college next fall. Because of Edward, things were constantly changing for the better. I needed to see him.

I still had an hour left of the half day, but that didn't seem to matter. I needed to see Edward, i needed to make sure he was alright. I needed to take him into my arms and hold him close. I needed to hold him to me and make him feel the love i felt for him. What he had done was change my life. If not for him i would have still been the lonely sad girl who dreamed of spreading her wings. Now i was the girl who not only spread her wings but also learnt to fly.

I left the school with my papers inside my purse. I was not going to stay for the celebration. I needed to find him. I pulled out my phone and tried to call his cell. There was no answer. I had no choice. I began to walk.

It was a downcast kind of day. It held nothing for my mood. I was happy and excited inside. I was also worried but i knew there had to be some logical answer to Edward not being there. This was also a big day for him as well. He had enough money that scholarships didn't matter, but he prided himself on doing well on his own. He had wanted to go to college just as badly as i did. Something must be keeping him away.

It was a longer walk than i had wished for. By the time i made it down his driveway, i was out of breath. My legs hurt from the miles i had just walked. But it was worth it, because in his driveway was his red Mustang. He was indeed at home. I sorta dreaded going to the door but i knew that today i had to push those thoughts away. I had also snagged Edwards packet from the auditorium. His scholarships that were awarded to him, if any, would be in here. I knew that he would want to see them.

I went to the ornate wooden door and knocked. It seemed like forever before someone came to the door. Esme opened the door. Her eyes were red and sunk in her face. Her usual cheery manner was downcast and sullen. What was going on? I dreaded what i was going to hear next.

"Is Edward here?" i asked softly. Esme eyes barely registered my face.

"Bella, we need to talk."

I didn't even comprehend a response. I followed her into the living room and she sat down on the couch, i sat next to her. What she said next, broke my heart.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Alright guys, the next two chapters will be the end of this amazing story. I am doing two chapters but they are not sequential. They will be two different endings. Pick which ending you like.**

 **The reason i am doing this is because i want to impart deep thought about the meanings behind this, and also i want to please my fans. SO whichever ending you like, just stick with that one. Hopefully i shall have those ready for you guys. So thanks again and stay tuned :D**


	28. Ending 1

Ending 1

Bella

Edward's mother's face was torn up with grief. Her tears openly running down her face. My heart thudded in my chest at the thought of what she needed to tell me.

"Hunni, Edward passed away last night."

My heart stopped its beating. "No, i was just with him last night." i protested. My reasoning discarded her words.

"He was coming home late last night, when his car lost control. It was raining really heavily and there was nothing he could do. His car crashed into a tree and he wasn't wearing a seat belt..."

My ears heard her words but they refused to believe them. "That's not true. He was just with me. We had plans to.. His car is out front!" i say, my hysteria getting the best of me.

"Edward and his father both have the same car Bella. Edward is gone."

Her words tore at my soul. I could not believe this, i did now want to believe this. This was not the way things were supposed to end! How could they end like this? How could this happen to me, to him! He was the love of my life and now he was just gone. The meadow was almost like a dream. This was our big day, this was the day that we should have shared together. This was not fair.

"This cant be true. I loved him." i said, my voice choking on my words.

"I loved him too...I'm glad that you met my son. He seemed so sad these last few years. You brought him happiness and for that i'm thankful."

"But he's gone." i said weakly.

"No one is ever truly gone. They are only inside our hearts. I am devastated at his loss just as you are. But the one thing my son did teach me, is that life goes on. We choose how we want it to go from here on out. Edward would not want you to suffer." she said.

"How can i not suffer? He was everything to me. I don't want to even life here in a world that he is not a part of."

"Hunni, he is a part of this world. He will never disappear from that. I hear him every time Alice laughs. I hear him every time i hear his fathers car. I hear him in everything that i do. That is why i'm not destroyed over this. I will forever mourn the loss of my son, but i know that he is waiting for me. Wherever souls go, one day i will be there with him."

I looked up into her green eyes, so much like Edward's, and i saw the truth shining back at me. The love of my life was gone. His bones soon to be buried in the town cemetery. In a few years his sisters would be added. They would spend the rest of eternity playing together in this sun. Edward was now at peace. I seen that now, his journal was proof of this. He did not die in misery.

I would miss him til the end of my days. I would mourn him to the end of my days. But that did not mean i had to give up on life. He had won me my scholarship and i would see to it that i fulfilled that promise. I loved him with all that i had.

Over the next few months, my grief was paramount. The whole town was shocked at his sudden death. He was a good student and a nice person to all who knew him. My art teacher had ceremoniously brought Edward's journal to my house. It was now one of my most prized belongings. I kept it through out the years.

So what happened to me? What happened to the girl who fell in love all those years ago. Well i finished college with a degree, i grew up and left Forks. I only returned for my mothers funeral, and Alice's. I always made sure that when i was in town i always visited those special places. Those places that made me feel like a teenager again. I always remembered to bring two white roses for the two grave markers that were set, side by side.

You never know how much time you have. It could be a year, a week, even a day. I only had a short amount of time with the one i loved but i would not go back and change a thing. Love has no constraints, it is limitless. My love for Edward is still as strong as when i first met him. The amazing thing is, is that sometimes i can still hear his voice. His soft sweet voice drifting through the wind. Always reminding me of where i came from, and all that i had lost. The words i always hear every night as i sit in my arm chair out on my porch. My arthritis bent hands clutched in my lap. Old age had now run its course.

Yet i can still hear those words, as if it was only yesterday. Those words that a lonely boy had said to me a long time ago.

 _I love you._

* * *

 ** _Ending number one. If this isnt what you were looking for then maybe 2 will be your cup of tea._**


	29. Ending 2

**Ending 2**

 **Bella**

Esme pulled me close to her. Her sobs racking her chest.

"Alice slipped away in the night."

Oh no, that would explain everything! I couldnt help but share her grief. I started to cry with her. After a short time she pulled away. Her make up running down her face.

"Edward took it very hard. He was hoping that she would recover some how. That we would find a cure someday."

"There is always hope." I say weakly.

"Yes dear, there is. It happened so fast, she passed away peacefully in her sleep. Edward has been locked away in her room ever since. They came to take her body this morning. Its just been so hard to accept."

I hugged her close to me and let her cry until she was done. I felt bad for her and for this family. I wished that things had been different. That this family could be whole again. When at last Esme was done crying she turned to me and said, "Go talk to him. See if maybe you can help him with his grief."

I hugged her once more and did as she asked. I walked up the stairs and stopped at the landing. Alice's pink door with the peeling flower stickers seemed to mock me. I wanted to go comfort Edward but i also was afraid. I was afraid that i would make things worse. That i wouldn't be able to handle his grief. I took a few deep breaths and opened the door.

I found Edward hunched over at the foot of Alice's now empty bed. His silent sobs were making his body heave. I walked closer to him and put my hand on his back. I let him cry in peace. I waited patiently for it to end. It took a long time before he spoke to me.

"Shes gone."

I knelt down beside him and comforted him the best i could. His breaths were coming out loud and uneven. It pained me to see him like this.

"She slipped away late last night. I never even got to say good bye." he said weakly. "I just hope she knows how much i loved her. And how sorry that i was for what i did."

"She knows Edward. She knows..."

It took some time before Edward pulled away from his grief. He loved his sister with all that he had. I was the only reason he pulled out of his depression once again. Side by side, me and Edward made it through. It has been a few years since then and we are doing fine. I go to college up in Tucson and Edward is going there too. We never forget the people we left behind. Every Christmas we revisit to see our families. We always make sure to make a stop at the town Cemetery. Edward likes to talk to Alice in the same way he used too.

I was the strength that held Edward up, he was the strength that held me up. Together we had it all, together we survived it all. He had shown me things about myself that would have forever been hidden. He had shown me the true beauty that i held inside. Every time i seen him smile, i knew that was where my heart was. I will always remember the boy who i met that one fall years ago. That boy who stole my heart in that same moment he stole a kiss.

* * *

 **Authors note:**

 **Alright any thoughts guys? Lol. I bet some of you were about dropped dead from Ending 1. I think both of them are beautiful thoughtful endings. I made sure to have a sorta Happy Ever after because i know how you all loveeeee Edward and Bella. I hope that maybe my messages will get across no matter which ending you chose.**

 **We only have one life, so live it. You all are beautiful even if you cannot see it.**

 **Thanks sooooo much for all the support. I appreciate it.**

 **I hope you guys all enjoyed this ride as much as i did. This has been an awesome story to write and i hope that i can come up with some other great stories in the future. Thanks for being there from the beginning and i hope you all enjoyed this!**


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